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.....Seth Green .....Fred Armisen .....Rachel Dratch V/O: Ladies and Gentleman, your host, Seth Green! [ Seth Green enters wearing blazer, dress pants and a button down shirt ] Seth Green: Thank you guys sooo much! You know, it really is great to be here, mock hosting Saturday Night Live! What's great and unique about hosting is that this is all live! Every single second of this fake broadcast is occurring live as you read it! These poor, underpaid writers have some great sketches in store for you, and the only word to describe them is… DANGEROUS! In fact, it's all so dangerous, so live, that I think we need to get thing started off with a bang, by doing something incredibly dangerous, and doing it incredibly live. Bring out the cannon! [ Seth Green removes outer clothing to reveal a daredevil costume similar to Evel Kneivel's, he attaches a cape and a helmet is handed to him from off-camera ] Seth Green: Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! Children of all ages! I am prepared to be the first mock host of Saturday Night Live to be shot out of a cannon, right here, live, in Studio 8H! Dangerous! [ Cannon is wheeled out. It is a large wooden affair, elaborately painted, with an exaggerated fuse. Seth climbs into the barrel, hiding from view ] Seth Green: [ from inside ] Drum roll, please! [ silence ] Seth Green: [ still inside ] Drum roll, please! [ a few coughs are heard ] Seth Green: [ poking his head out ] Dammit, where's my drum roll? [ Fred Armisen enters in jeans and a t-shirt ] Fred Armisen: Umm, Lorne wants you to get out of there. Seth Green: Fred, I'll be out of here in just a second; it is a cannon. I just need a drum roll! Fred Armisen: No drum roll, just climb on out and we'll start the show. Seth Green: But how can it be dangerous without a drum roll? Fred Armisen: Look, we're not here to tell you that you can't ever get shot out of a cannon, just not inside our building. Seth Green: But it's live! This is dangerous! Fred Armisen: What if it shoots you into a wall? Seth Green: I have a helmet! This may be dangerous, but I'm not stupid! Fred Armisen: Don't you have any clue what the wall repair costs could be? [ Rachel Dratch enters, wearing blouse and skirt ] Fred Armisen: Hey, Rachel, can you help me out? I'm trying to keep our host from damaging the building by firing himself out of a cannon. Seth Green: C'mon Fred, think of the danger. Think of the danger! Rachel Dratch: Seth, get out of that thing. Seth Green: I'd like to help you out, but my guts are crying out to me for danger! Rachel Dratch: Seth, get down, now! [ lifts blouse to reveal her daredevil costume ] Lorne said I would get to be the first person fired out of a cannon in this studio! Seth Green: Sorry Charlie, but I gotta do, what I gotta do! [ ducks inside ] Drum roll, please! [ still no drum roll ] Fred Armisen: Seth, don't do this. Seth Green: Screw the drum roll! For danger! [ fuse is lit ] Fred Armisen: [ to Rachel ] Dammit, Lorne said I could be a full cast member next season if I talked him out of it. [ loud boom as the cannon fires. A Seth Green dummy flies out of the cannon while he exits through a door hidden from the camera in the far side of the cannon. Close-up of Fred's and Rachel's worried faces as a crash is heard. Next shot shows him piercing halfway through a wall, although lighting makes it clear to the discerning viewer that he just ran to another set. ] Seth Green: We've got a great, dangerous show for you tonight! Audioslave is here! So stick around, we'll be right back! Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
