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Josh Grithargph...Fred Armisen Mike Ash...Seth Green Jane Ash...Rachel Dratch (Opening on basement, with pipes and fuse box. Logo appears on screen as garage rock plays in the background) Josh Griphargph: Hello, and welcome to...The Rock Dungeon! Iım Josh Griphargph, former bassist of the Sleaze nuggets. We became pretty popular in and around the Baltimore-Washington D.C. area before breaking up in...about two months. Then I discovered I could make more money hosting this cable access show about garage rock than actually performing music, so here I am, dudes! And have we got a cool, kick-ass group for you! They're the hottest group to come out of Green Bay since...well...The Green Bay Bastards! Of course, you might remember they were her last month. Well anyway, hereıs the Ash Piles! (a segment of the basement is set up as a music stage, with Jane Ash performing a two note pattern on tuba in the background, and Mike Ash at center with a cowbell) Mike Ash: (singing) I met a girl about a week ago I thought she was pretty cool I met this girl and I liked her But she played me for a fool Well she kicked me in the face and she left the place And Iıve been hating myself since then I really hate this life she gave me And the mess she put me in (plays longer before halting abruptly) Josh: (applauding) That was...the Ash Piles, performing "I met this girl" ! Come over here (they sit on a couch by Josh) and tell us about what's so cool about the Ash Piles. Mike: Well, we just try to be cool, you know, we just do our own thing, and we donıt like to talk about it too much or it wrecks it, you know. Jane: (uninterested) Yeah. Josh: Now what sets you apart from other garage bands these days is your sense of minimalism. Tell us all about that. Mike: Well, I donıt really like to talk about it. Umm, you know, umm, we just, well, umm, like to keep it simple. Just tuba, cowbell, vocals, right? (turns to Jane, who nods in agreement) Josh: And your new album (shows cover), Candy wrappers and dog crap, hits stores this week. Iım sure fans everywhere will want this, but isnıt it true that it only cost you, like, less than $20 to make this album? Mike: (becoming more and more slow monotone) Well, we just try to keep it simple, alright? (Jane nods her head at him) And because I don't like to complicate things, I never do a song that's more than two chords. I mean, most of our songs are one chord, and I'm willing to do two chords at most, but three chords-thatıs too much. For me, that is. And to make it really simple, we didnıt use any fancy recording equipment or whatever, right? Jane: (shaking her head) Nope. Mike: Yeah, umm, like, well, we just used a cheap tape recorder, like we got in a garage sale, for about a dollar, it would have been a buck fifty, but the play buttonıs a bit sticky. Josh: And where was the album recorded? I bet you used a really old studio, didnıt you? Mike: Umm, well, thatıs where we made it really cheap. We didnıt record it in any studio, we just taped it in our water heater closet. (Jane just nods her head in agreement.) That explains the loud buzzing and gurgling noise in the background. Itıs not part of the act. Jane: Mmm-hmm. Josh: Uh-huh. Well, thatıs not like most artists. They use real recording equipment. Mike: (getting defensive, but not raising his voice) Hey, we used a tape recorder, alright? Thatıs real recording equipment, isn't it? (Jane nods her head) And to keep hackers from stealing the album, we released the demo tracks only on 8-tracks. Of course, most of the record stores that carry our discs couldnıt hear it themselves, but we donıt care. We're artists and stuff. Right, Jane? (Jane doesnıt move) Uhh, well, she probably agrees. Josh: Okay, whatever, well, yeah. Umm, so many people donıt know what your relationship really is. Mike: Well, duh, we're in the same band together! Jane: Yeah! (not very excited) Josh: No, I mean, like, there are some rumors that you two guys are brother and sister, and some say youıre married, but I've also heard reports that youıre cousins and even a theory that Jane is really Mike's adopted daughter whom he found at a gas station as she was running away from home. So whatıs the truth? Mike: Look, I donıt want to discuss it, okay? Even I donıt know for sure. But I do know this, All we care about is the music. All I want to do is pick up my cowbell, and get on stage with Jane and her tuba, and make some music! Jane: Sure! (raises her fist and picks up tuba) Josh: All right! Are you willing to play us another song? We have time for one more. Mike: Sure. I mean, we don't want to do too much, so weıll do a familiar one. This oneıs played on college radio stations throughout the U.S. and Canada, and it;s called, "Hard boiled eggs." You want to hear it? Josh: Sure! I'd love to. And here, with their hit, "Hard-boiled eggs", once again, is The Ash Piles! (Mike and Jane take the stage again. Mike begins on his cowbell, Jane accompanies him with a two-note tuba pattern similar to, yet different from, her previous pattern.) Mike: (singing while banging cowbell) Hard-boiled Eggs and table legs And magazines and old blue jeans My apartments cluttered like my brain And I got a lot of junk and a lot of pain I got crap on my seat and a stain on my shirt And your new car is all covered with dirt Why donıt we get away cause my head is aching But your heartıs gotta wait because your dinner is baking (Mike and Jane continue to play, as Josh closes the show) Josh: Thatıs the Ash Piles! They're touring all this month starting at the community center in Port Chester, New York! Thatıs all for now! Catch you later, her at the hottest place for garage rock around, the Rock Dungeon! (closing title on screen, fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
