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Masterpiece Porn Prime-Time Theatre Presents: Get F***’d
written by: Mark Jennings Reese II


Announcer...Darrell Hammond
Howard Stern...Jimmy Fallon
Director...Fred Armisen
Peter North / Maxwell F***’d...Seth Meyers
Jenna Jameson / Agent 69...Amy Poehler
Ron Jeremy / The Chief...Horatio Sanz


(Fade in)

Announcer: Welcome to Masterpiece Porn Prime Time Theatre! Tonight, “Get F***'d”! With this week's host, Howard Stern!

Howard Stern: Hello! Welcome to Masterpiece Porn Prime Time Theatre! Tonight, we have an exciting presentation of porn in a prime time sitcom setting. So let's get to the fuckin'. I'm so horny right now! It's too bad I don't have pornstar or a stripper in the studio. That's stage hand is pretty hot! Look at you! You have hot little body on you! You know what I'd like to do to you?

Director: Howard!

Howard Stern: Right, the fuckin' follies! Here is our presentation of “Get F***'d”. Enjoy!

(Fade to black)

(SUPER: The following is a pornographic parody of the popular 60's sitcom “Get Smart”. Our sincere apologies for any shame to the creators of Get Smart, Mel Brooks and Buck Henry. Enjoy!)

Announcer: It's time for “Get F***'d”, starring Peter North as Maxwell F***'d, Jenna Jameson as Agent 69 and Ron Jeremy as The Chief!

(SUPER: Somewhere in Hollywood)

(Maxwell F***'d & 69 drive through the valley)

69: Sometimes I wish you were just an ordinary man, not a porn star!

Maxwell F***'d: Well, 69, we are what we are. I'm a porn star, trained to fuck and cum like a friggin' beast. Just ask an ordinary man to do that! Okay, bad example! Let's go back to my place.

69: Okay!

(SUPER: Maxwell F***'d's apartment hours later)

(Maxwell's Shoe phone rings)

(Maxwell F***'d answers)

Maxwell F***'d: Hello?

Chief: F***'d!

Maxwell F***'d: Chief, what's wrong?

Chief: Mr. Big took 69 captive in a Hollywood basement.

Maxwell F***'d: (Realizing 69 is not in his bed) Damn that Seymour Butts! He has to be stopped.

Chief: Yes, Mr. Big has to be stopped! You know how big a hympo 69 is! Go get her! Oh and F***'d, when you get her, bring back to my place!

Maxwell F***'d: You can't do that, Chief. 69 is mine!

Chief: 69 showed her bust to me, she said she wanted to beat me...off! Cum all over! And let me put my finger up her ass! My finger only!

Maxwell F***'d: Well, I said she was my hympho, not yours!

Chief: Enough, F***'d! Go rescue 69!

(Chief is hit by a cumshot)

Maxwell F***'d: Sorry about that, Chief.

(Screen transition clock wise to the next scene)

69, that was one hell of a rescue!

69: I'll say F***'d!

Maxwell F***'d: It was good to see Seymour Butts, again.

69: Oh right, Mr. Big! Right! F***'d, when can we take a day off from all of this orgasm faking and rug munching?

Maxwell F***'d: 69, there are no holidays in this business of cumshots and beaver eattin'!

(Screen transition clock wise to the next scene)

Okay, Chief, we are here for the next scene of that porn flick!

Chief: Right, okay in this scene, 69 you are to give F***'d head! That's it!

Maxwell F***'d: Simple enough!

Chief: 69, over here!

(The Chief takes Agent 69 off stage)

69, do you realize you'll be facing cumshots from every direction of the camera, every shot imaginable?

69: And, lovin' it!

(The Chief and Agent 69 return on stage)

Chief: And action!

(The Pornographic action takes action)

69: Oh, Max! You're huge! You gonna get a hand job for that!

Maxwell F***'d: There's something more important than hand jobs, 69!

69: What?

Maxwell F***'d: Getting my balls tongued.

(The action continues and climax occurs)

(Chief is hit by a cumshot)

Chief: (Yelling) F***'d?!

Maxwell F***'d: Sorry about that, Chief.

Chief: And cut! Great scene!

Maxwell F***'d: 69, that cumshot missed your tits by inches!

69: You think it's some kind of warning?

Maxwell F***'d: Yeah, I've been in this business too long! I'm losing my aim!

(Screen transition clock wise to the next scene)

(SUPER: Somewhere in Hollywood)

(Maxwell F***'d & 69 drive through the valley)

69: Sometimes I wish you were just an ordinary man, not a porn star!

Maxwell F***'d: Well, 69, we are what we are. I'm a porn star, trained to fuck and cum like a friggin' beast. Just ask an ordinary man to do that! Okay, bad example! Let's go back to my place.

69: Okay!

(SUPER: Maxwell F***'d's apartment hours later)

(Maxwell F***'d is having sex with Agent 69)

Maxwell F***'d: (moaning) Oh!

(Maxwell's Shoe phone rings)

Maxwell F***'d: Hello?

Chief: (Yelling) F***'d?!

Maxwell F***'d: Sorry about that, Chief.

(Fade out)

(Fade back to the Masterpiece Theatre set)

Howard Stern: Well, that was amazing! I hope I can do that again! This has been “Masterpiece Porn Prime-Time Theatre Presents: Get F***'d!” Join us next week for more porn in prime time! Good night!

(Fade out)


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