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Dave.....Darrell Hammond Etta.....Rachel Dratch Harvey.....Dean Edwards Adam.....Will Forte Eloise.....Tina Fey Jim.....Jeff Richards Diana.....Debra Messing Carson Daly.....Jimmy Fallon [We open with a black screen, and the MTV logo fades into view.] Announcer: This Fall, MTV takes the original reality TV show where it's [words fade into place, first replacing the logo, then each other] NEVER… GONE… BEFORE! [Cut to a shot of a sign outside a white, apartment-style building. The sign reads "Sunnyvale Retirement Home; 207 W. Wendover Ave."] Announcer: A luxury retirement home in suburban Greensboro, North Carolina! [In the classic "Real World" camera style, we see a shot of Dave in a wheelchair. SUPER: "Dave, 71, Sarasota FL"] Dave: [In Hammond's southern accent] I came here to live in peace and quiet, and now I have to put up with that goddamn kids' channel puttin' cameras all in my face! I ain't standin' for this! [Dave attempts to stand up out of his wheelchair and abruptly falls over, out of the scene.] Dave: Damn battle wounds! Announcer: Watch as the drama escalates between the seven senior citizens chosen to live together at Sunnyvale! [The screen does a quick white flash, and we then cut to Etta who is standing up with the help of a walker. SUPER: "Etta, 84, Detroit MI"] Etta: Okay, I'm an independent woman, aight? I gots my priorities, and right now, that don't include men! I swear if that Harvey passes at me again… girl, he's gonna get some action, and it ain't gonna be nice! Harvey: [off-screen] ANY action would be nice at my age, baby! Etta: Low life son of a… [Etta storms off to the right as the announcer continues.] Announcer: The competition heats up when the group is given a task to complete. [Cut shot to a cafeteria-style area where we see Carson Daly standing in front of the entire group who are all sitting down at tables, looking up at him.] Carson Daly: Okay guys, I'm Carson Daly, and [looks directly into camera] I am God. [Returns his attention to the show] Okay, basically what you all have to do here is start a totally original business together and sell your stuff. Any questions? [Cut to a shot of the group sitting together, just staring at Carson with a blank look on their faces. Then cut back to Carson.] Carson Daly: No? Okay then, later. [Carson walks off and we cut to a shot of Adam and Eloise.] Adam: Aight y'all, I call manager! Eloise: Oh no you don't, biatch! [Cut to a bedroom where Jim and Diana are in an argument, which is silent while the announcer continues.] Announcer: Promises will be made, trust will be broken, and all hell will break loose… Jim: But you'se my girl, Diana! Diana: Then why did I see you with that bitch Etta last night, huh? What, am I supposed to just ignore that? [Etta enters from left] Etta: Guys, guys, can't we just all get along? [A beat as all three sort of eye each other. Then they all start to half-french-kiss each other at once.] Announcer: …aaaand things could get a little disgusting. [Cut to a shot of one of the outside walls of the retirement home where "The Real World" has been spray-painted] Announcer: Real World: Sunnyvale Retirement Home! This Fall on MTV! Screw the music… we're just gonna show this crap 24-7. [Fade to black] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
