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Mr. Donovan.....William H. Macy Mrs. Donovan.....Rachel Dratch Husband.....Will Forte Wife.....Maya Rudolph [The scene begins in a hotel suite where newlyweds Mr. And Mrs. Donovan are on their honeymoon. Mrs. Donovan is in the small kitchen area of the suite making coffee as Mr. Donovan comes to conciousness.] Mr. Donovan: [Groggily and smiling] Good morning, Mrs. Donovan! Mrs. Donovan: [Looks over from kitchen] Good morning to you! Ready for some coffee? Mr. Donovan: Mmm… I’m gonna need it this morning. Mrs. Donovan: I’d say so. Sleep well? Mr. Donovan: Never better. [A beat] Hey, who was that knocking on our door earlier? Mrs. Donovan: Oh, actually a couple people came by to make sure we were okay. Mr. Donovan: Oh… that was nice of them. [Mrs. Donovan has finished with the coffee and is now coming over to Mr. Donovan.] Mrs. Donovan: Well, they really just wanted to know what all the racket was last night. Mr. Donovan: [Blushing at this point] Did you tell them? Mrs. Donovan: [Standing next to Mr. Donovan beside the bed now] In a sorta… played-down way, yeah. [Mr. Donovan is embarrassed and isn’t really angry, but kind of excitedly annoyed] Mr. Donovan: I don’t know why that embarrasses me… I just get a little loud, you know? Mrs. Donovan: [Trying to stifle a laugh] I think the whole floor knows that now, honey… Mr. Donovan: Oh come on! I couldn’t have been that loud?! Mrs. Donovan: Well it doesn’t help when you’re shouting [gyrates hips with fists clenched] “Spear! Spear! Spear!” [With the audience laughing hysterically, we cut to a shot of the room next door, where Husband and Wife are half-asleep in their bed.] Wife: There they go again... Husband: Wish I had that much energy… [Cut back to The Donovan’s room.] Mr. Donovan: [Worried] Did anyone mention that when they stopped by? Mrs. Donovan: Well, one did… wanted to know if we’d like to try a threesome. [This bit of dialogue moves quickly.] Mr. Donovan: Was she hot? Mrs. Donovan: It wasn’t a she. Mr. Donovan: [Sickened] Oh God! [Back to a normal pace after a beat.] Mrs. Donovan: Besides, you’d never go through with that kind of a thing. Mr. Donovan: How do you know? Mrs. Donovan: I’d castrate you. Mr. Donovan: Ah. [A beat.] Wait, you’d what?! Mrs. Donovan: I was kidding! I was just kidding! But still… we’re married now… that should be enough for the both of us. Mr. Donovan: Yeah, I know. And it is, it is enough for me. Mrs. Donovan: Really? Mr. Donovan: [Lovingly] Really. [The two smile at each other for a second, then Mr. Donovan breaks the silence.] Mr. Donovan: So you wanna call in a babysitter tonight? Mrs. Donovan: Babysitter? We don’t have any kids… Mr. Donovan: Yeah. I know. Mrs. Donovan: Oh. [A beat] Yeah, sure, why not. Mr. Donovan: I’ll get the phone book. Mrs. Donovan: Alright. [Fade to black] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
