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VH-1’s I Love the 20’s
written by: Cash Car Star


Greg Proops.....Will Forte
Kennedy.....Rachel Dratch
Carrot Top.....Seth Meyers
.....Al Pacino
Pepa.....Maya Rudolph
Shannon Hoon.....Fred Armisen


[ Cue title sequence, which consists of a collage of swing and jazz elements from the roarin' twenties. A lounge singer recites the line "I love the 20's" about four or five times, to excessive instrumentation. Finally, the images settle on the number 1929 ]

V/O: 1929

[ Cut to Greg Proops sitting in front of a 20's themed background. SUPER: "Greg Proops - Whose Line Is It Anyway?" ]

Greg Proops: I remember one of the really big things in 1929 was the stock market crash. Oh yeah, and the bank runs. Boy, I remember those. I definitely participated in my share of bank runs. That was back when I was in shape.

[ Cut to Kennedy sitting in a similar location. SUPER: "Kennedy - Former MTV VJ" ]

Kennedy: How embarrassing would it have been to be wearing like a brown blouse or maybe a brown pair of shoes on September 29, 1929. You're just walking along when all of the sudden someone goes, "Hey, it's Black Tuesday, didn't you hear?" And then you have to go around not matching and generally feeling like an IDIOT for the rest of the day.

[ Cut to Carrot Top. SUPER: "Carrot Top - Chairman of the Board" ]

Carrot Top: First you had Black Tuesday, and then Black Thursday and Black Monday. We should just be glad the stock market wasn't open on weekends, because then we might have gotten a Black Sabbath! [ in a funny voice ] I Am Iron Man! Du-du du-du du-du du-du-du-du!

[ Cut to Al Pacino. SUPER: "Al Pacino - Dick Tracy" ]

Al Pacino: What the HELL am I doing on this show? I mean, look at these people. These are terrible excuses for celebrities. And come on! Couldn't you have picked a better movie of mine than 'Dick Tracy'?

[ Cut to Greg Proops. SUPER: "Greg Proops - Whose Line Is It Anyway?" ]

Greg Proops: Since everybody was so poor, they decided to live in these crazy things called Hoovervilles. For people that don't know what these things were, they were like trailer parks for people too poor to even buy trailers. I'm serious, they had to like make tents out of newspaper and very large leaves that they wove together using their own hair.

[ Cut to Pepa. SUPER: "Pepa - Salt-n-Pepa" ]

Pepa: Lissen, I don't care 'bout no Hoovervilles. I came from the ghetto, and back there, we had nothing. There was no one to help us out. We had to like help ourselves if we was gonna survive, kno-wut-im-sayin? These Hoovervillans should just try going to the schools I been to.

[ Cut to Carrot Top. SUPER: "Carrot Top - Chairman of the Board" ]

[ Carrot Top takes a bat in his hands and viciously bites its the head off ]

Carrot Top: [ ferociously ] GRRrrr-rrr. ARrrr. [ a pause ] Hye-HAH! I'm just kidding, it's only chocolate!

[ He takes another vicious bite, and then spits it out towards the camera ]

[ Cut to Al Pacino. SUPER: "Al Pacino - The Recruit" ]

Al Pacino: Doesn't that disturb you? Do you really think that nutcase should be encouraged? Who HIRES these people? What kind of jobs do they get? [ a pause ] Oh, I see you changed it to 'The Recruit.' Highlight of my career. Yeah, right. Listen, I'm calling my agent right now to get me off this thing.

[ Cut to Pepa. SUPER: "Pepa - Salt-n-Pepa" ]

Pepa: Lissen, we was used to being broke, being broke again didn't do anything to us. We was just gonna keep it real, try and get some work, try and keep going and that was it. It was fun watching them white folk losing all their money though. Lissen, me and my sister would just pick a bank somedays and sit there and watch all them scared white folk storming in and out, in and out.

[ Cut to Greg Proops. SUPER: "Greg Proops - Comedy Central's VS." ]

Greg Proops: Many businessmen lost a lot of money in 1929. Major major buckaroos. Thousands and thousands of clams. One of the hot things that year was gravity-assisted suicide. I even remember some companies selling steel umbrellas, so that when you were walking the streets you didn't have to be looking up all the time.

[ Cut to Kennedy. SUPER: "Kennedy - Game Show Network's Friend or Foe" ]

Kennedy: You know the president at the time, J. Edgar Hoover, he was a bit of a pervert. He would dress all up in women's clothing and women's underwear and go to some really freaky sorts of bars. I could just imagine being on the secret service at the time and going, "Gee, I really hope the president doesn't decide to go out tonight. I still can't get last week out of my head!"

[ Cut to Carrot Top. SUPER: "Carrot Top - Couldn't get even a game show if he tried" ]

Carrot Top: With all these people going broke, they probably shoulda dialed down the cen-

[ Abrupt cut to Al Pacino, who is talking into a cell phone. SUPER: "Al Pacino - Gigli AND S1m0ne! Both! They Were Terrible!" ]

Al Pacino: Listen, Max, when you asked me if I wanted to start doing some promotion, I thought you meant signing a few autographs and talking to Leno every now and then. This VH-1 thing is just unacceptable! Not a single one of these bastards has any clue what in the hell they're even talking about! [ notices the super, to off-stage ] VERY funny. You can go ahead and change that now.

[ Cut to Shannon Hoon. SUPER: "Shannon Hoon - That Guy from Blind Melon" ]

Shannon Hoon: Those vibes from 1929 were pretty nasty, man. So negative. If the people just chilled a little, sat back and lit up a joint together, I'm sure there wouldn't have been such a bummer economy.

[ Cut to Pepa. SUPER: "Pepa - Hmmm, I'm feeling a bit hungry" ]

Pepa: Lissen, while all these men were out losing their own money, what about the women, huh? Us sisters were getting so disrespected, we was not able to vote, we was not able to get jobs, we was not able to get record deals…

[ Cut to Kennedy. SUPER: "Kennedy - If someone could bring me some donuts" ]

Kennedy: Hey, I've got my feminist streak too, and don't taunt me, it's there! See, my grandmother voted in the first election where women could vote, and it was well before 1929.

[ Cut to Greg Proops. SUPER: "Greg Proops - Or perhaps a cheeseburger" ]

Greg Proops: Shannon Hoon, did you not die from an overdose about eight years ago?

[ Cut to Shannon Hoon. SUPER: "Shannon Hoon - Hold the onions though, I have a hot date tonight" ]

Shannon Hoon: Sure, you could say that, but that's not gonna stop me from living how I want to live.

[ Cut to Kennedy. SUPER: "Kennedy - My lovely date to the U2 concert tonight" ]

Kennedy: Actually, it kinda does. [ a pause as she notices the super ] Hey, I still have a restraining order out against you. You better remember that. [ SUPER now reads: "Kennedy - You know you love me" ] You know, I could probably have you fired for that.

[ Cut to Al Pacino. SUPER: "Al Pacino - One Big Big Jerk" ]

Al Pacino: I got a limo waiting for me downstairs, so I'll give you one big smile [ a pause while he smiles for the camera ] and tell you guys to go screw yourselves. [ walks off ]

[ Cut to Carrot Top. SUPER: "Carrot Top - About to be shot by a cannon" ]

Carrot Top: And so all the people are out in the streets really angry! GARRrrr- [ notices super ] What the hell does that mean?

[ a loud boom is heard off camera; a cannonball smashes into Carrot Top, who falls onto the ground screaming ]

[ Cue title montage with lounge singer singing "I love the 20's" over and over ]

[ black out ]


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