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James Lipton & Oliver Stone…Will Ferrell (special guest/duel role)
.....Lorne Michaels .....Tina Fey .....Jim Downey .....Jimmy Fallon .....Horatio Sanz .....Seth Meyers Camera Man.....Some Guy .....Jeff Richards .....Molly Shannon (not so special guest) Chris Parnell/George W. Bush.....Chris Parnell Chris Kattan/Al Pacino/Mango.....Chris Kattan (special guest) (Fade In) (A montage opening credits of Inside The Actor’s Studio rolling) (Camera moves in direct on host James Lipton) James Lipton: (looking off into space, realizes camera is on him) Oh, hello. Our next guest would say that, in the history of film, there has never been a gold standard. As a director, he works and moves in the extremes of film. As a viewer, you watch as he goes for your heart and soul, and then suddenly goes grabbing for your nuts, in more ways than one. (Lightly laughs) It is my great pleasure to introduce the incredibly “out there” writer, producer, director and dark comedic funny man, Mr. Oliver Stone! (Oliver Stone enters the stage, waves to the crowd, shakes James Lipton’s hand and sits down) Welcome, Oliver. You have had an over the top career. With films like “JFK” and “The Doors”…Oliver, I ask, are you done as a filmmaker? Oliver Stone: Absolutely not…in fact, I brought my latest work with me. I have been spending some time at Saturday Night Live, walking through the hallways, sitting in the bleachers, smoking a joint with the janitors at NBC and just getting a feel of what has been going on there during the week. James Lipton: Hah! You sound as if you are in a position to show this work. So, ladies and gentlemen, let me leave the floor to Mr. Stone. (Oliver Stone gets up out of his chair and speaks out loud to his audience) Oliver Stone: The work you are about to view will make you laugh, make you cry, make you think and perhaps make you consider about doing something else with your life. So…Live from New York, it’s Any Given Saturday! (Camera pans back from the audience; Fade to black) (Camera fades into the hallways of SNL on the 17th floor of 30 Rock) (Oliver Stone is never seen in the documentary; his voice is done via voice over) Oliver Stone (voice over): Monday, September 1, 2003…this week’s host, Al Pacino. Rumors speculate that Al will not be showing up for the show or the rehearsals, because quite frankly, he believes the show is beneath him. Lorne has contacted Al Pacino’s agent, and Al Pacino has officially cancelled. Lorne has contacted Chris Kattan and Will Ferrell to come back to the show for a week, as a week full of chaos has already begun. (Camera fades through the hallways to Lorne’s office) (Door opens to reveal that Lorne is conferencing with Tina Fey and Jim Downey) Lorne Michaels: So here is the deal…Kattan is going to host as Al Pacino. No one really has to know. Tina Fey: What about the audience? Lorne Michaels: Trust me, Tina; our audiences are dumb enough to believe it's really Pacino hosting. Besides it's better this way. You remember how bad the DeNiro show was with the real DeNiro. Let's make sure we have a “Funny Pacino” hosting the show. (Rubbing his hands together) The ratings are gonna be amazing! (Camera fades to Jimmy Fallon’s office) (Camera reveals that Jimmy Fallon, Horatio Sanz and Seth Meyers are doing bong hits) Jimmy Fallon: (coughs heavily) Hey guys! Camera Man: What are you guys doing? Horatio Sanz: (Making something up) working on a Jarret’s Room sketch! Seth Meyers: Umm…yeah! (All 3 start laughing for no reason) (Jeff Richards stumbles into the room) Jeff Richards: Yeah, Horatio let me take a hit off that! Camera Man: So what’s that idea? (Jeff, Jimmy, Horatio and Seth look at each other in a blank stare) What about you have Pacino on the show…and Jarret admits that he cried during “Scent of A Woman”? (Jeff, Jimmy, Horatio and Seth, again, look at each other in a blank stare) (Camera fades to the NBC lobby) (A drunken Molly Shannon, in her Sally O’Malley costume, is trying to get into NBC studios) (Security escorts her out of the building) Molly Shannon: I’m Sally O’Malley, 5-0! 50 years old! (Camera fades Studio 8H were Parnell is working on his George W. Bush piece) Chris Parnell: (as Bush) America, no need to worry. Iraq was sold this morning to one of the Tobacco companies. You can close the book on Iraq, and open up an all-new can of whoop ass for North Korea. Ah hell! While we’re at it, South Korea, we’re coming after you, too! (Camera fades to the bleachers as the janitors of NBC are smoking joints) (Camera fades back to Lorne’s office where Kattan is working a Mango piece as Al Pacino) Chris Kattan: (as Pacino doing Mango) Whoo-ah! You can't have the Mango! (Camera spots Lorne shaking his head) How was that, Lorne? Lorne Michaels: Can you do better? Chris Kattan: (as Pacino) Oh, I’m just getting warmed up! (Now Kattan as Pacino doing Mango) Can you ask the god in the heavens to get out of bed each morning and spray you with a little of his morning dew? No! Such as me…the Mango Pacino. Whoo-ah! (Camera, again, spots Lorne shaking his head) (Camera fades away from NBC Studios at 30 Rock) (Camera does a long shot away from New York City) (Fade to black) (Camera fades back into the Actor’s Studio stage) (Oliver Stone stands on the stage, takes in all the applause and laughter) (Camera pans to James Lipton sitting at his desk) James Lipton: Hah! That’s it for this episode of Inside The Actor’s Studio. Join us next week; with the amazing, upstanding, over the river and through the woods, to Grandmother’s house we go…Bill Pullman. Good night! (Camera fades away from the stage; away from the audience) (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
