|
|
|
|
|
|
|
INT. VERY SIMPLE STUDIO SET Our refined HOST sits. Host: In the late 1970's, a new force emerged in music. It was a force with power, energy, rebellion. It was, of course, punk music. The first wave of punk music didn't last very long, really only from 1976 - 1978, but it's legacy remains to this day. And one of the reasons for that comes from this man... Pull out to see a long haired, fifty year old British man (A bit like Keith Richards.) sitting opposite the Host. CAPTION: JOHN BLINK Host: Mr. John Blink. John: Hello Chuck. Host: Mr. Blink was of course,... John: Call me John, Chuck. Host: Alright. John was one of the original members of the seminal British punk band “The Magnificent Ambersons”. First of all, let's talk about your name. What was the inspriation? Did you get it from the book or from the classic movie by Orson Welles? John: What? John Blink? My mom gave me that name, mate. Host: No I mean “The Magnificent Ambersons”. John: Oh well, you know, there was this bloke we used to know down by Cammry named Flick Amberson. And all the girls just went crazy for this guy. And you know me and the other guys, we were...well you know...not super super hot. I mean Peter was kinda hot. I know that because I would often find myself looking at him in strange ways. But anway, we called ourselves “The Magnificent Ambersons” because we wanted to, you know, have the sex and the lovemaking that he was having. Plus my girlfriend at the time said that Flick was indeed magnificent and I think it was an attempt, on my part and maybe...of Parliment's to call ourselves “The Magnificent Ambersons” because of that. Host: Now of course, the other bandmates. You mentioned Peter, your drummer. John: Peter now runs a...a butcher shop over in Clivesdale. He actually slaughters the cow in the shop in front of the customers. And it's a huge hit. People flock from all around to see Peter Wheatley's Slaughterment of the Beast. That name “Slaughterment of the Beast” was actually the group that our old bass player, Mel Arraineo, formed after he went all gay and left the band. Host: He was the inspiration for your song, “Punks Goin' All Fruity” right? John: Yeah that's right. Lot of people said that was mean, to you know publically gay bash him. But you know, he was mean. I saw him eat a little kid once. Host: And Roger. John: Oh yeah, Roger the rhythm guitar player. I played the lead, you know. Rog couldn't handle lead. That's because he really had no feeling of touch. You know, the sense thing. You put anything in his hands and he'd drop it, because he didn't even know he was holding it. So he couldn't handle anything really and that's why he died so young. Hernia. Host: Well after the group officially disbanded after 1981, you went to do what... John: I don't remember. That was a long time ago. 1981. Christ, I don't remember what I did yesterday. Oh wait a minute, yes I do. I took my lizard, Rocco, to the vet. He was having trouble pooping. It wanted to come out but it just wouldn't. It'd just sit there in his crack hole. This little doo doo. The vets had to put their finger up in it... Host: Yes well, punk music has obviously inspired many bands. There wouldn't be grunge music or alternative or any type of modern rock without it. How does it feel to be a part of that? John: (singing) How does it feel to be a part of that? How does it feel to be part bat? Host: Oh yes, you're song “Batman's Lament”. John: I always liked that song. I'd say that and my song “You're Not Old Enough But I Don't Care” are my two favorites. Host: Yes but talk about the legacy of punk music. Long confused pause as John tries to think of something to say. Then after about 20 seconds later... John: Don't know. Host: Well how do you want to be remembered? John: Well I think I'd like to be remembered as a man, you know? As opposed to like an animal or a woman or something. When people think of me, I don't want them to say “Oh yeah, I knew John Blink. He was a great mongoose.” Cus' I'm not a mongoose. I'm a man. Host: Why would someone call you a mongoose? John: Well I don't know. People call me all kinds of things, you know...Fucker...Fucker... I get that alot...Asshole... Host: Yes, um... John: Bitch... Host: Yes well... John: See people say all kinds of things. So nothing surprises me anymore. I've even been called the Muffin Man. You know the song, right? Host: Yes, yes. John: (singing) Do You Know the Muffin Man? The Muffin Man? The Muffin Man? Host: Yes, yes. I know it. John: Well these two guys were talking and one of them asked the question “Do you know the Muffin Man?” and the other said yes and then pointed at me. And I'm not the Muffin Man. I'm a man. I'm not a muffin. No blueberrys on me, Chuck. No chocolate chips. (lifting up pants leg) See that. See that. That's a mole, Chuck. A mole. It's not a chip, Chuck. Host: Yes I see. John: Chip, Chuck. Rhymes with chipmunk. Ha ha ha. That's funny, Chuck. I'm making a joke. You see that? Host fake laughs. Host: Yes indeed. John: (still laughing) Ha ha. Heh. That was funny. I like humor, Chuck. It makes me laugh. Host: So John, what do you want to do with the rest of your life? You're obviously in good spirits, seemingly good health? John: Well...I think...I think I'd like to have sexual intercouse at least one more time before I die. Because the last time I had it must of been five or six...teen years ago. And I remember it was quite enjoyable. I remember she was lying on the couch and her legs were spread out in the air. You know I'd never seen that before. I was used to, you know, just being on top and moving in and out, you know. But this lady, I think she was Latino or from somewhere else Middle Eastern, had her legs just all spread out and I could see things that I'd never seen before. It's like little knobs just in between her privates and her buttocks. And I just remember sorta standing there with my cock hanging out and not sure really want to do. Also I don't remember the rest of that story. But as you know, I am getting old and when you get old, you know, body parts start to fall off. Speaking for myself, I would like to die intact and perhaps, buried on an oil rig out in the ocean somewhere. Host: How exactly would you be buried on top of a oil rig on the ocean? John: Well, they'd have to put some dirt down in order for it to work. And enough to where people wouldn't step on me. You know I'd hate to feel one of those huge oil cannisters roll on top of me. But then, I guess I wouldn't feel anything. I'd be dead huh? Well maybe... I read in National Geographic how people are getting buried alive more often. I think it has something to do with cel phones and I think there are these groups that are trying, at least this from what I read, groups that are trying to ban cel phones from places where there is the remote possibility of being buried alive....Like an oil rig. Host: (goes over to shake John's hand.) John, very nice to have you here. John: Thank you Chuck. It's been a real pleasure. And you've been a great chap and you know, if you need something...there are places where you can get help. BLACK OUT. Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
