|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Chameleon Man.....Will Forte Dr. Deadly.....Seth Meyers Sanders.....Jack Black [ note: Chameleon Man wears green clothing. When he activates his power, green-screening is used to match his clothing with the background ] Lounge Singer V/O: [ singing ] Is it a man or is it a cell? [ still shot of Chameleon Man inside a prison, followed by a still shot of him with arms raised while activating his power ] Lounge Singer V/O: [ singing ] A superhero or the Liberty Bell? [ still shot in style of first, this time in front of the Liberty Bell ] Lounge Singer V/O: [ singing ] It’s hard to find the Chameleon Man. [ still shots of malicious ninjas looking for Chameleon Man in front of the Liberty Bell and looking befuddled ] Lounge Singer V/O: [ singing ] He’s out of sight! The Chameleon Man. [ show title card ] [ open inside on Dr. Deadly’s lab. Chameleon Man is held, spread-eagled, against the wall by clasps on his wrists and ankles. Various soldiers with masks and fancy guns surround. Dr. Deadly, wearing plated armor, mask and cape, stands up a few steps from Chameleon Man, by a large, telescope like device. Ominous music, storm noises in background ] Dr. Deadly: Chameleon Man, did you really think you could defeat me? Chameleon Man: Just you wait! When I break out of this, you’ll wish you never captured me! Dr. Deadly: Highly unlikely. You see, those clasps on your wrists and ankles aren’t anything you’ve seen before. [ turning towards skylight dramatically ] I, Dr. Deadly, master of all the worlds and their elements, amplified the tensile strength of diamonds with the density of titanium to— [ turns around, Chameleon Man is gone ] Red alert! Chameleon Man has escaped! Guards, secure the exits! [ guards exit ] [ Chameleon Man, still chained to the wall, deactivates his power ] Chameleon Man: Hah! I just tricked you into getting rid of your guards! Now it’s just you and me! Dr. Deadly: You won that one, but now how do you propose to attack me, from way over there? Maybe if you were Frog Man, or perhaps Poisonous Spitting Viper Man, I’d be worried. [ to himself ] Do any vipers actually spit? Come to think of it, they’d have to bite someone to poison them. Of course, Poisonous Viper Man might possibly have some sort of lubricant that he secretes that could make him slip out of the clasps. Snakes are like that, slippery, I thin— [ looks up ] Curses! Chameleon Man escaped again! [ to microphone ] Chameleon Man has escaped! Lock all entries and bring him to me! [ close-up of Chameleon Man, who has activated his power and is invisible ] Chameleon Man V/O: I’m not going to make that mistake again, letting him know I’m still here. Just keep silent. Silent like a chameleon! [ Dr. Deadly walks to a lab sink and washes his hands ] Dr. Deadly: Might as well take a lunch break while the guards catch Chameleon Man. [ Dr. Deadly turns off sink mostly, leaving it dripping. He sits in his fancy evil genius chair and opens a Powerpuff Girls lunchbox ] Dr. Deadly: I hope Mrs. Deadly packed something good today. No more baloney, [ pleadingly ] please! [ close-up of dripping faucet ] [ close-up of Chameleon Man ] Chameleon Man V/O: That faucet… [ Dr. Deadly unwraps a sandwich ] Dr. Deadly: Baloney. [ faucet drips ] Chameleon Man V/O: I knew I should have went before I started crime-fighting for the night. [ Dr. Deadly tosses sandwich back into lunchbox ] Dr. Deadly: I tell her no more baloney, but she just keeps making more baloney. [ faucet drips ] Chameleon Man V/O: I don’t know how much longer I can take this. [ Sanders, captain of the guards, enters ] Sanders: Dr. Deadly, all exits are secure. Chameleon Man will not be getting away. Dr. Deadly: You wouldn’t by chance be hungry for a baloney sandwich? Sanders: Ummm… I guess. You didn’t do anything to it, did you? Dr. Deadly: You forget to whom you speak; Dr. Deadly is above being childish. Here. [ tosses Sanders the sandwich ] Now get that baloney out of my face. [ faucet drips ] Chameleon Man V/O: Errrgh! Chameleon Man: [ deactivating ] The faucet is still on. Dr. Deadly: Oh, sorry. [ turns faucet off ] Wait, a second… [ realizing ] It looks like you never escaped after all! How wonderful! Now you can watch as I unleash chaos on the city! Sanders: Dr. Deadly, you gotta tell your wife she makes great baloney sandwiches. Dr. Deadly: Silence, you, and don’t encourage Betty. [ thunderclap ] So, Chameleon Man, it is time you saw exactly how my nefarious plan works! [ starts gesturing at various contraptions ] First, the pulsar conduits absorb the intake progression, sealing it off to the ventricular chamber, and finally powering the Inertial Dis— [ turns around to find missing Chameleon Man ] Sanders! Stop eating that disgusting sandwich! Chameleon Man escaped again! [ into microphone ] Soldiers, alert! Chameleon Man is escaping! Stop him! Sanders: Did you check the wall yet? He was just hiding there the past two times. [ Chameleon Man reappears, still being held ] Chameleon Man: Alright, you caught me that time. Sanders: I told you. [ into microphone ] False alarm everyone, Dr. Deadly’s just a bit jumpy. Dr. Deadly: Enough with that! Back to the destruction! I was just about to unleash destruction upon the city! With this machine, this Inertial Displacement Pro— Sanders: Oooh, scary. Listen Dr. Deadly, I don’t think this plan of yours is really gonna work right. Dr. Deadly: You dare question the wisdom of Dr. Deadly? Sanders: Well, for one thing your wife and children are still in that cit— Dr. Deadly: Why do you care so much about my wife all of a sudden? [ a beat ] Are you two, having an affair? Chameleon Man: You know, maybe… Sanders: Possibly. Dr. Deadly: That is my wife! Sanders: Your wife? You think you own her? Dr. Deadly: She married me! Not you! Chameleon Man: About the Inert— Sanders: And what do you do for the marriage, huh? Blow up cities? Capture worthless superheroes like Rainbow Man over here? Chameleon Man: Hey! Dr. Deadly: I am the world’s leading scientific researcher in preatomic emitters! Sanders: Right. Then you come home to your wife and don’t even take your mask and armor off! How is Betty supposed to have a relationship with that? Dr. Deadly: How dare you insult my costume! Chameleon Man: I think it’s quite good actu— Sanders: See! You don’t even care about Betty at all! You just play your stupid little world domination games all day long. Dr. Deadly: This is an outrage! [ slams his fist down, accidentally hitting a big red button. Sirens. Chameleon Man’s clasps fall off. He immediately disappears ] You’ll never work as an evil underling in this town again! Sanders: Look what you just did! You had the city in your grasp and then you just blew it! You had Chameleon Man absolutely trapped, and you just let him go! Dr. Deadly: Chameleon Man may be gone, but I can still fire my Inertial Displacement Protractinator! [ throws a large switch ] [ power up sound, but then cools off ] Dr. Deadly: What? It’s supposed to be firing! Sanders: You’re pathetic. I’m leaving. And by the way, Betty only buys the baloney because she hates you. [ exits ] [ Dr. Deadly desperately throws all sorts of switches and buttons trying to get his machine to work ] [ camera slowly zooms in on plug pulled out of the outlet ] Dr. Deadly: Why won’t this thing work! Fire! Fire! [ banging is heard ] But I’m Dr. Deadly! This can’t happen! AHAHAHAHA! [ show title card ] Lounge Singer V/O: [ singing ] He’s out of sight! The Chameleon Man! [ black out ] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
