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Chris Parnell.....President Bush Darrell Hammond.....Dick Cheney SCENE BEGINS WITH OUTDOOR SHOT OF OVAL OFFICE THE CAMERA PANS INTO THE OVAL OFFICE WINDOW CUT TO INTERIOR SHOT OF OVAL OFFICE WHERE BUSH IS PRACTICING PUTTING GOLF BALLS INTO A WHISKEY GLASS WHILE CHENEY LOOKS ON George Bush: (putting ball) C'mon baby...NANANANANANA. GEORGE MISSES HIS PUTT George: That's strange. It worked in the movie. Dick Cheney: Good try anyway, sir. Maybe you'd have better luck if you weren't holding the putter backwards. DICK GRABS THE PUTTER AND TURNS IT AROUND FOR HIM George: (setting up his next putt)Thanks. (looking at Dick) Dick, can I ask you a serious question? Dick: Of course, sir. George: Do you think I'm shameless? Dick: Is this supposed to be a rhetorical question, sir? George: No...No...No...Wait. Okay, let me ask a different question then. Do you think things happen in this world for a reason...or are they preplanned? Dick: Everything happens for a reason, sir. George: I know what you mean. Things do happen for a reason. I was just thinking yesterday about how nice it was of the Iranians to release the hostages just in time for them to see Uncle Ronnie's Inauguration. You know what I mean? Dick: (hand to face) Ah...yeah. Excuse me sir, but what was that first question you asked me again? George: Do you think I'm shameless? Dick: In what way? George: (still putting) Well, what if it turns out we don't find real weapons of mass destruction? Dick: Just an intellegence error, sir. Nothing more. George: Okay, what about me not telling the people how much the war was going to cost up front? You know...like a crooked auto mechanic that fixes your car and then holds your keys for ransom until you pay? Dick: Just sticker shock, sir. It happens. George: Okay, how about giving the rebuilding contracts for Iraq away without competitive bidding? Dick: In an emergency situtation such as this...there's no time for it. George: I guess you're right, Dick. I'm not as shameless as I thought. Dick: Of course you're not, sir. Mr. President...can I ask you a question? George: Shoot. Dick: When are we going to pick up Saddam and Osama? George: Are their tracking devices still working? DICK PULLS OUT TWO GLOBAL LOCATING DEVICES FROM HIS POCKETS ONE SAYS SADDAM AND THE OTHER SAYS OSAMA ON THEIR TOPS Dick: Yes sir. George: Probably two weeks before the election. They have to both be worth 10 percentage points a piece at the least. Dick: What should we do till then sir? George: We could always start the show... (to camera) Live from New York...it's Saturday Night! Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
