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Isaiah Mallister.....Fred Armisen Ethel Mallister.....Amy Poehler [ int. – smithy. Relaxed clanking of hammers. Muffled grunts. Isaiah Mallister, an Amish man with an enormous beard, is seated on stool for interview ] [ SUPER – Isaiah Mallister ] Isaiah Mallister: My great-grandfather made his first cannon back in 1892. Those were the horse-and-bug—well, I guess in a way it’s still the horse-and-buggy days. [ cut to Isaiah Mallister watching his son of fifteen banging on a chunk of metal at the anvil ] Isaiah Mallister: That’s it, you just want to take that hammer and [ motioning ] really hammer the metal… yeah. [ cut to interview ] Isaiah Mallister: We call it a family business because the whole family is involved in the business. That’s something I think a larger corporation might lose. [ ext. – porch. Ethel Mallister, Isaiah’s wife, sits on porch swing polishing a cannon. Isaiah, standing, is folding large Amish undergarments ] Isaiah Mallister: Are you almost done polishing my cannon? Ethel Mallister: It’s so big, it’s going to take me a while. Isaiah Mallister: [ looking over ] You have to rub it harder if it’s going to work. [ cut to interview with Ethel, next to Isaiah on porch swing ] [ SUPER – Ethel Mallister ] Ethel Mallister: I realized marrying Isaiah meant long hours making cannons, but my love for him is just so strong… [ not touching, Ethel and Isaiah politely smile and nod conservatively at each other ] [ int. – interview ] Isaiah Mallister: Our customers want three things in a cannon: [ counting slowly on fingers ] trust, quality and trust. [ ext. – knee-deep grass. Daughters in dresses run and laugh around Ethel. Isaiah lights the fuse of a nearby cannon ] [ int. – interview ] Isaiah Mallister: Also, they want it to fire. [ ext. – knee-deep grass. Little girls scream in delight as cannon fires. Freeze on wide shot of meadow with family and cannon ] V/O: Mallister Family Cannons [ show logo ] Handmade Cannons the Traditional Amish Way [ black out ] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
