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Gabe Canon.....Jimmy Fallon Fake Chip Canonical.....Rachel Dratch [Open to tight shot on Gabe sitting crosslegged on the floor holding a guitar strumming a few chords] Gabe Canon: Hey man, my name is Gabe and I am the owner of this humble establishement. (Shot opens to reveal a multitude of cannon's behind him, pointing upwards.) When you buy a cannon here at Pacifist Armaments... you're not just buying a finely tuned product, you're buying a finely tuned instrument of peace. (holding out a fuse in his hands) Check it out. Hemp fuses. [walks over buy a cannon, kneels next to it and pats the cannon like a well loved family pet] Gabe Canon: That's right, our cannons speak peace to the nations. What? What's that you say? (leaning closer to the cannon) Ah, the smooth sounds of the ocean. (Walks to another cannon and halts) What? What's that you say? (leaning closer to the cannon) Oh, it's saying 'I love you' and it's true, here at Pacifist Armaments (using sign language for following while speaking) we love you. (Walking to another cannon with legs sticking out) What? (faux double take) What's that? [Fake Chip Canonical pulls herself out of the cannon] Fake Chip Cannonical: (doing a horrible impression of Chip Canonical and slobbily eating mexi-fries) My name is Chip! I sell over priced cannons and I hate Mexicans! Especially the ones I underpay and overwork to make my cannons! Woo! Somebody make me a burrito so I can rip you off and screw you over! (throws mex-fries container into cannon) Get me some more mexi-fries! [Fake Chip Canonical adjusts "himself" and waddles off the screen] Gabe: (shakes his head sadly) Hey man, don't forget our cannons also come with a free %100 natural hemp made fuse. (lights cannon fuse and pot smoke immediately billows into the room) Put the power behind your flower (a cannon explodes raining down flowers), instead of war. Buy Pacifist Armaments' Cannons. [Gabe spaces out.] [ Fade out.] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
