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Terry Miranda.....Amy Poehler Laquisha Superior.....Halle Berry Lisa Gavel.....Rachel Dratch Mort Proceedings.....Will Forte Fade in: Shot of Terry and Laquisha sitting at the Courtcenter desk during the shows lead in..” Welcome to Courtcenter, the new 1hr daily show that covers all court proceedings throughout professional sports, so we can actually show sports highlights on Sportscenter once again…. And now your hostesses Terry Miranda and Laquisha Superior” Terry: All rise, this episode of Courtcenter is now in session(Terry bangs gavel on desk) and I sentence you all to judicial bliss. Laquisha: And speaking of judicial bliss, did you see the look on Kobe Bryant’s lawyers face after the prosecution had to drop the case due to a little known technicality. Apparently Colorado state law prohibits the prosecution of anyone over 6ft 5in tall, a law enacted by former governor Larry “Too Tall” Zbikowski in 1904. Now how the F did that doozie of a law ever get by folks.(Laquisha turns toward Terry and the two give each other a low five while laughing). Back to you Terr. Terry: Score one for the Kob-ster! Who says that size doesn’t matter right Quish-I-nator(Terry holds out fist towards Laquisha awaiting a return fist bump that never happens, she now looks embarrassed)…. And now let’s shoot it over to our field correspondent Lisa Gavel who is at L A County Superior court with this report. Cut to Lisa outside of Courthouse-9pm- Lisa: Thanks Terr-meister, I’m here outside this courthouse not to cover a big story, at least not yet. Rather to set up camp in order to be the first in line to cover what is shaping up to be quite a court season for the worlds greatest athletes( Lisa motions behind her for the camera to pan across her makeshift camp ground) Word on the street is Michael Irvin is in town and Shaq just got his long awaited ecstasy shipment in earlier today. We here at Courtcenter are preparing for a wave of sexual misconduct and deviant behavior that has not been seen since the invention of the penis. Now back to the studio where news analyst Mort Proceedings will give an in depth look at what lies ahead for white girls and light skinned black girls aged 18-19 in the days to come. Cut to Mort in the studio. He is standing in front of a map of California, a cut out of shaq’s head is located in the northern L A area with a cut out of Michael Irvins head in the Southern L A area. Mort is standing to the camera right side of the map just shaking his head Mort: (Sighs.. beat) Back to you guys… Terry: Thanks Mort-a-liscious. (Terry thinks for a beat then blushes) I bet it won’t be long before they’re both in Shaq-els huh, yea Quishy give me some up where the air is thin(Terry turns to Laquisha with both hands up high awaiting a confirming slap which never happens) Laquisha: (Shaking her head and sighing) Stay tuned Courtcenter junkies, cause coming up next it’s our top 10 not guilty pleas of the week.. Fade out… Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
