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.....Halle Berry .....Britney Spears Halle Berry: Wow! This is such an honor! So many amazing people have hosted SNL before me; I am so privileged to be here! And I'm especially excited about hosting this particular season, because this is a brand new set which means that I am the first Oscar winner standing on this stage! And a black woman at that! Woohoo! Britney Spears: (Enters and takes center stage) Thanks Halle, I can take it from here. Halle Berry: Britney, what are you doing? Britney Spears: Look, I'm really grateful that you came to support me tonight, and that you were even willing to kill time while I dropped off the kids at the pool. But I can take it from here. Halle Berry: Britney, that's childish. Why don't you just say you were using the restroom, or try "squeeze the cheese", "snap a log", "sink a link", "dump a stump", "float a trout", "poke the turtle's head out", "launch a torpedo", "commit yourself to the dumpatorium", "shake your tail feather on the porcelain chair", "cook up a pot of rectal stew" or a "butt burrito"! Britney Spears: You are disgusting! I have no idea what you're talking about! I really had to drop off the kids, Nick and Jessica. (Waving to the camera) Hi kids, mommy loves you. (Turning back to Halle) Anyway, I can finish the monologue now. Halle Berry: Your monologue? Britney Spears: Well, I am - obviously, the host. Why wouldn't I be the host? I mean, I've hosted and I was the musical guest twice before and you've never hosted, why would you be the host instead of me? Halle Berry: Because Lorne asked me. Britney Spears: What have you done lately? I just kissed Madonna! Halle Berry: Who hasn't? (PJ Stagan raises his hand from the audience) Halle Berry: I kissed Fred Durst. Britney Spears: Me too. Halle & Britney: That was a mistake. Yeah - wish I hadn't done that - gross. Halle Berry: Look, Britney, I'm the host and you're the musical guest. You just need to accept that. Britney Spears: I'm not the host? Halle Berry: You're not the host. Britney Spears: (Appearing pensive) Okay (Wandering off the stage) I'm not the host. I'm not the host? Justin was the host, but I'm not the host. Halle Berry: (Shaking her head, Britney is not completely off stage and out of camera frame) Oh well - we've got a great show for you tonight. I am the host, and Britney Spears is the musical guest so stick around! Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
