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Announcer...Chris Parnell Waiter...Seth Meyers Man #1...Jeff Richards Woman #1...Rachel Dratch Man #2...Fred Armisen Man #3...Will Forte Woman #2...Amy Poehler Security Officer...Kenan Thompson Man #4...Jimmy Fallon Thief...Finesse Mitchell Announcer: Has your pocket ever been picked? [video of a man getting his wallet stolen by a pickpocket] Announcer: Keeping your wallet in the backpocket of your pants only encourages thieves. If you value your money, get "Wallet-Wear!" [cut to a picture of Wallet-Wear] Announcer: Wallet-Wear is simply underwear with space to store your hard-earned money. The primary benefit of Wallet-Wear is that it keeps your money in a place that no thief would dare go! Moreover, Wallet-Wear can be used in any typical situation. [scene: a restaurant; Waiter is talking to Man # 1] Waiter: Your total comes to $50.81. Will that be cash or charge? Man #1: Cash. Hold on one second. (puts his hand down his pants and starts moving it around) Waiter: (surprised) What are you doing?! Man #1: (pulls out a fifty dollar bill) There's a fifty. I know I've got some change somewhere. (puts his hand down his pants again) Waiter: Get out of here, freak! Someone get the manager! (scene: a New York street; Woman # 1 is at a pay phone with Man # 2 walking by) Announcer: Wallet-Wear is especially convenient in case of an emergency. Woman #1: Excuse me. Could I borrow two quarters to make a phone call? Man #2: Sure. I think I have two quarters. Let me check. (puts both of his hands down his pants) Woman #1: EW! Man #2: (produces two quarters from his pants) Here you go. Woman #1: No thanks! (runs away) Police! (scene: co-workers Man # 3 and Woman # 2 are talking during a break) Announcer: And Wallet-Wear has all the benefits of a regular wallet. Man #3: Yeah, my kids are growing up so fast. Woman #2: I haven't seen them in a while. Do you have any current pictures of them? Man #3: Of course! (reaches down into his pants) Woman #2: Help! Help! Sexual harassment in progress! Help! Man #3: (produces a set of pictures of his kids) The taller boy is Larry, and the shorter one is Bob. (a security officer arrives) Security Officer: Sir, you're coming with me. Do you have any ID? Man #3: Sure, officer. (reaches down into his pants again) Security Officer: That's it! (grabs Man # 3) Let's go! (cut to a statistical graph) Announcer: Statistics show that people who wear Wallet-Wear are 75% less likely be robbed or mugged. (scene: Man # 4 walking down the street at night with Thief walking behind him) (Thief tries to pick Man # 4's backpocket, but discovers it's empty) Thief: Man, where is your wallet?! Man #4: (startled) I'm wearing it! Thief: (confused) Huh? (points a gun at Man # 4) Hand it over right now! Man #4: (freaking out) Okay, okay! (pulls his pants down, starts to take off his Wallet-Wear) Thief: Hey, stop that! I don't swing that way! I just want your money! Man #4: I'm trying to give it to you! Please don't shoot! Thief: I don't want you to give THAT to me! (runs away) [cut to a picture of Wallet-Wear] Announcer: Wallet-Wear is in stores now. Now available with extra crotch space. Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
