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.....Kelly Ripa Regis Philbin.....Darrell Hammond Don Pardo: Ladies and Gentlemen, Kelly Ripa!!! Kelly Ripa: Wow! SNL! Saturday Night Live! Wow! New York City! I have to say it has been an amazing week… (Kelly is cut off by the interruption of Regis Philbin) Regis Philbin: Wow! Wow! Wow! What are you doing? Kelly, you can’t do this! Kelly Ripa: Regis, what are you doing here? Regis Philbin: What am I doing here, what are you doing here? I’ve been in this business for 50 years and you’re hosting this show! Let me tell you something, sweetie, when I started in this business, your parents were hardly rug rats! You do a couple seasons of a soap opera and before you know it, you’re replacing the she-devil! You really won the celebrity sweepstakes! Kelly Ripa: Regis, does your rant have a point? Regis Philbin: Yeah, in fact it does! 4 years ago, I was the cock of the walk. I was hosting 2 shows! “Live with me and the devil woman” and that “Millionaire” thing! Now, you’re the sparkle on the wall. You’re doing this show, my show and that other show with Faith Ford. And yet, you still have time to crap out a baby every other day! I was just wondering how the hell do you do it? You’re bigger than Billie Dove, for crying out loud! Kelly Ripa: (putting arm around Regis and almost acting like Amy Poehler's characterization) Billie Dove? You mean the Ziegfeld Follies showgirl and silent film star Billie Dove, nicknamed The American Beauty and born Lillian Bohny March 26, 1901, who at her peak was receiving more than 50,000 fan letters a week? That Billie Dove? Regis: Uh...yeah that's the one. Kelly Ripa: Oh c'mon, I think you're exaggerating a bit. Also, I've only had 3 kids in the last 6 years. I have no idea where this notion of me being a “baby-making machine” comes from. And yes, my career is doing okay but you have no reason to be (putting arm around Regis) threatened by that. (Starts squeezing him a la Amy Poehler) Don't feel threatened ya big lug. C'mon Reg, you need to relax. Here… (Hands Regis a piece of bread with “Take Control” Butter on it) Regis Philbin: What the hell is this? Kelly Ripa: Reg, it’s Take Control Butter Flavored Spread! Regis Philbin: Take Control! That was my promo! What the hell is happening here! Is the world crashing to a halt? Or is just my career? Kelly Ripa: Reg, come down! Why don’t you just go tomy dressing room and watch the show from there. I’ll see you after the show. (Exit Regis) Kelly Ripa: Okay, folks! We have a great show for you tonight! I’m here! Outkast is here! So stick around, we’ll be right back! Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
