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Announcer.....Chris Parnell .....Kelly Ripa Expecting Woman.....Amy Poehler [Fade in on a white showroom floor. Announcer (Parnell) is dressed nicely in a black suit and begins pitch.] Announcer: You are an expectant mother. You and your husband have done all the legwork, and now you’ve been blessed with yet another wonderful pregnancy. But don’t you wish a car company worked just as hard as you did to make that baby? Well…now there is one. (Announcer walks up to a mid-size sedan) Introducing the 2004 Toyota Placenta, the car for today’s expecting woman. [Cut to interior shot of Kelly Ripa, dressed in business wear, driving the Placenta on a busy freeway talking on her cell phone.] Kelly Ripa: (Ending cell phone call and flipping it shut effortlessly) Just because the good lord (looks at stomach) is trying to keep my career down doesn't mean I have to let him. Now with the Toyota Placenta, I can deliver my baby while I’m on the move! [Cut to exterior shot of The Placenta weaving in and out of cones on a driving course. A disclaimer appears on the bottom of the screen that states, “Driving stunts performed by un-pregnant professional on closed course.”] Announcer V/O: The Placenta is equipped with ultra scotch guarded seats and floor mats for easy post-delivery clean up. Also included is a built-in umbilical cord-snipping device that ensures a clean cut...everytime. Finally, flashing exterior lights (car seen on driving course with “CHILDBIRTH IN PROGRESS” in bright red letters in the back window) ensure that other motorists know you’re just a few more pushes away from driving in the car pool lane. [Cut to interior shot of expecting woman (Poehler) driving while vigorously trying to give birth.] Expecting Woman: (out of breath) And with the Placenta's motivational childbirth coaching CD (she pushes CD into player and lets out a ferocious yell. CD plays the sounds of a soothing voice saying c’mon now push and breathe, push and breathe...your almost there) you’re sure to crap that baby out…AHHHH!…in a flash! [Cut to interior shot of Kelly Ripa driving with a smile on her face, all of a sudden she looks down to notice she just gave birth. She cradles the newborn with one arm, and drives with the other.] Kelly Ripa: Wow! After having as many babies as I’ve had, sometimes I don’t even realize when the little bastards are coming out. It’s a good thing I was in my new Placenta. [Cut to exterior shot of the two Placentas pulling up side by side at a red light. Ripa looks over at the expecting woman and both exchange a smile while holding up their slimy newborns. Cut back to announcer on showroom floor] Announcer: The 2004 Toyota Placenta, for the expecting woman who expects more from her car. Announcer V/O: (quickly as the commercial is ending) Coming soon, the Toyota Coitus, for the couple serious about making a baby…in a car. Fade out… Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
