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Media Godfather.....Al Sharpton Advertising.....Amy Poehler Literature.....Fred Armisen Music.....Seth Meyers Film.....Finesse Mitchell Internet.....Darrell Hammond Tivo.....Tina Fey Popup Ad.....Horatio Sanz {Building orchestra music opens to a dark room with the only light on a long wooden table center stage, seated around the table are Literature (Armisen-dressed in an olive colored tweed coat, nervous and soft spoken), Music (Meyers-wearing a business suit and an iced cross necklace, for the most part laid back), and Film (Mitchell-in a nicer suit than Music and talking on a cell phone, rigid and effeminate.)} Film: (flips off cell phone as orchestra music stops) It's official. Literature: Is it what we thought? Music: It's worse; we're losing money like an amnesiac. Film: Listen, d-rah-ma has been done, honey, we need to fix this thing fast. Literature: You don't mean? ... {Orchestra music restarts as a spotlight shines down into the black revealing a large man, the Godfather (Sharpton), adorned with rings, each baring the name of a major media company (AOL-Time Warner, Disney, CNN, Associated Press). He sits atop a throne built of TV Guide Magazine and The Wall Street Journal, around his neck hangs a necklace of diamond encrusted video tape.} Godfather: (Speaking in an elevated King-ish voice, using the Royal We) We are here, worship us. (A beat as they all rush to kiss his fingers and worship him) That is enough, you may speak. Literature: Publishing sales are plummeting because people are going to the libraries instead of buying. Also, if it's not Harry Potter, 32 percent of the market doesn't read at all. Music: Internet file sharing...enough said. Film: Seriously! Pre-releasing of blockbuster movies on file sharing networks has turned blockbuster openings into a block bust. Godfather: We see your plight but must confer with our counterpart. (Yelling) ADVERTISING! Advertising: (Advertising (Poehler) glides in wearing a dress labeled Proctor and Gamble also speaking in the Royal we) What is it, my husband? Godfather: Our sons are losing sales to the internet and not enough Harry Potter! Advertising: Ah, we love those books. Godfather: We do, but our sons need you to up their allowance, increase advertisements in order to augment their profit. Advertising: What do we think we are? Some sort of free clinic? This is not a handout or a donations only, or a free gift with purchase event! We toil to bring business to this family and all we receive is the need for more of the same, never any new creations, we're bored! Godfather: What are we talking about? Advertising: We are talking about (Pointing at the Godfather) our infidelities! Literature: Mom! NO! Advertising: We thought we didn't know but we found out long ago, we'd taken us out of the system, alienating and betraying everything we worked for! We (Pointing to herself) figured out how to make a real profit out of the Superbowl. And that means nothing to us? Music: Is that true? Advertising: Just ask her! (Orchestra Dun Dun Dun music sounds as a spot light opens onto the left of the table to reveal Tivo (Fey), dressed in the same dress as Advertising without the Logo.) Tivo: You were just in the way of better things to come. Advertising: Of course, and better things have come (motioning to herself) our way. Better things to ensure our stability and profit and to leave such a treacherous family in a state of panic, economic slump, with no way out. Godfather: What do we mean? Advertising: We are leaving us! (Orchestra Dun Dun Dun music sounds as a spot light opens onto the right of the table to reveal Internet (Hammond), looking suspiciously like Al Gore.) Internet: I could give her what you refused. Advertising: (Cuddling up to Internet) A forth son. (Popup Ad (Sanz) runs abruptly through the room laughing maniacally and pausing to hug each of Literature, Music and Film and open mouth kissing Tivo who smacks him and he disappears.) Internet: We forgot to turn the blocker on... Literature: So what are we going to do? Music: I mean, this whole dysfunctional family thing is great and all but, most importantly, what's in it for me? Film: Don't you care about us and our futures? Advertising: Frankly my dear, we don't give a damn. (Advertising and Internet leave. Music, Film and Literature turn to the Godfather and Tivo.) Literature: So now what do we do? Godfather: I have no idea. Music: Don't you mean, We have no idea? Godfather: Hey, there's no we, it's just you. You're on your own here, now I'm going to go ignore your mother with Tivo. (Exits with Tivo.) Literature: This is awful! Now we're nowhere! We're going to die! Film: No...this little number is fantastic. Music: It is? Film: Don't you see? Out of this troubled affair has been birthed a new liberation for us, both the web and the tube are at our complete disposal. With our father ruling over traditional mass media and our mother taking over new technologies we have been dealt an extended family that provides an unstoppable field of promotion! We shall never be silenced or wiped out, we are invincible! (The three pause to think about these prospects before erupting into evil laughter, the camera pulls upward away from them, and the scene fades to black.) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
