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.....Reverend Al Sharpton .....Kenan Thompson .....Tracy Morgan {Open to the band finishing up the opening song, brass squealing as Sharpton takes center stage.} Rev Al Sharpton: Thank you! It is so fantastic to be here! This is an excellent opportunity for me, and for you, because you can get to know the real Al Sharpton and what he stands for. Because deep down the Reverend Sharpton is just like his brothas and sistas, a caring and active member of society, it just happens that I also want to be your president. {The band strikes up into fanfare, which Sharpton graciously accepts but quickly quiets.} (Adopting a Southern Preacher voice) You see, when you've got a brotha who knows your issues you get stuff done. (One synchronized hit on the drum and chord on the organ.) When you've got a brotha who understands ya and is working for ya, you get the kind of future you want! (One hit on the organ and drums.) A future with financial well being (Two hits) a future of peace (three hits) a future of opportunity! (Band erupts into brassy fanfare once more which Sharpton graciously acknowledges and then quiets.) I have plans to make this happen by devising easy to remember acronyms for my reforms. If you can remember your reforms you can remember to implement them. Can I get a witness! (One hit) So we're going to fight economic downfall with FRIED CHICKEN: Financial Redevelopment In Every Department - Continually Helping In Creating Kids Eating Nuggets. Nuggets are the key to the economy, and the children are the future. Can I get a witness! (Two hits) And we're going establish peace through WATERMELON: War And Terrorism Exert Relational Malfunctions Eventually Limiting Our Niceness. Because there's nothing like the seedless to rectify a peace less situation, and get that friendly conversation going. Can I get a witness! (Three hits) And I'm going to create more opportunities by -- {Cell phone rings} Hello? (To audience) This will just take a second. (Walks off stage and the camera follows, he proceeds to speak in a very waspy voice) Look, I'm just doing this to get votes. I know racial issues are important but honestly, the whole inebriation proclamation, Jim Rooster laws -- (Pause) whatever, it's been done. (Kenan enters) Kenan Thompson: Hey, Reverend Sharpton, glad to have you here. It's really exciting to have a candidate who genuinely wants to help his people. I support you man. Rev. Al Sharpton: Yeah, that's great, kid. (To person on the phone) Listen I've got to go, show monologue, that sort of thing. (To Kenan) Hey there son, what's your name? Kenan Thompson: Kenan Thompson, sir. Rev. Al Sharpton: Right, (Sharpton pulls out a pad of paper and pen from his breast pocket and proceeds to sign an autograph. He slaps it into Kenan's hand.) Here you go, and remember the Rev thanks you for your support. Now be a good kid and get me a soda, and make sure this one's actually cold. Kenan Thompson: (confused and a little put off) Yes sure. (Sharpton proceeds down the hall where he comes across Tracy Morgan decked in traditional Polo gear.) Tracy Morgan: (Also waspy) How are you this fine evening? Rev. Al Sharpton: Well, there's a traveling salesmen sketch that is absolutely dreadful, but other than that I am quite well. Tracy Morgan: I remember those days. (As the two converse a random black extra is dragged into the background and two police officers proceed to beat him senseless.) Rev. Al Sharpton: Plus I'm doing this whole election thing, it's all very tiring. Tracy Morgan: Well, if anyone should be president, it should be you. You're very aware of the needs of others. It's a gift, from above. (The man in the background begins screaming.) Rev. Al Sharpton: Sometimes, I'm so sensitive it's like I can hear their pain even when I'm nowhere near them. Overall it's terrible, people are such whiny bastards. Take it like a man and get on with your life. Tracy Morgan: I completely agree. Ready to watch the pre-show polo match? (They walk down a side hall away from the man being beaten into a large dressing room filled with scantily clad white women holding serving trays.) Rev. Al Sharpton: I can't think of any thing which could bring more pride to my race, ethnical and electoral. (The two laugh loudly.) Tracy Morgan: (Smacks one of the girls on the tush and turns the camera) Stick around, Pink is here! Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
