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Announcer...Darrell Hammond Larry Appleton/Mark Linn-Baker...Chris Parnell Balki Bartokomous/Bronson Pinchot...Jimmy Fallon Joey Gladstone/Dave Coulier...Will Forte Arnold Horshack/Ron Pallilo...Fred Armisen Steve Urkel/Jaleel White...Finesse Mitchell Benson/Robert Guillaume...Rev. Al Sharpton The Fonz/Henry Winkler...Seth Meyers Mr. Belvedere/Christopher Hewett...Jeff Richards (The commercial begins with the ABC logo) Announcer: It has come to our attention here at ABC that we have not had a number one show since "Who Wants to Be A Millionaire," and that was well over three years ago. As a result, we've decided that our only option is to revive some of our classic shows and characters. The first one out of the box? "Perfect Strangers!" (cut to graphic of the "Perfect Strangers" logo, and the theme song starts to play in the background) Announcer: Yes, Larry and Balki are back! Bronson Pinchot and Mark Linn-Baker are reprising the roles that made them famous since they've had practically no other jobs since the show went off the air! [Cut to Larry and Balki's apartment; Larry and Balki are standing and talking to each other] Balki Bartokomous: Well, co-zin, we are living together again! It's just too bad that both of our wives left us and took our children with them! Larry Appleton: I know, Balki, but we're just going to have to try to make the best of it. Balki Bartokomous: Yes, we must. But you know, co-zin, living with you again makes me feel so happy! Larry Appleton: (looks at Balki fondly) You know what? Me too. Balki Bartokomous: (getting excited) Oh, co-zin...Now we are so happy, we do the Dance of Joy! [Balki and Larry start dancing and singing the Dance of Joy ("da da da da... da da da-da... hey! HEY! hey! HEY! heeeeeyyyyyy-HEY!"), which culminates in Balki lifting Larry off the ground] Balki Bartokomous: (struggles with picking up Larry and holding him) OW! My back! (drops Larry, and he hits the ground hard) Larry Appleton: OW! (breaking character) Damn you, Bronson! (realizing that he just broke character) I mean...thanks, Balki! That was classic fun! (laughs nervously) [Cut to the ABC logo] Announcer: And that's not all! Larry and Balki are going to have a bunch of new neighbors who should look familiar to you loyal ABC viewers! [Cut to the apartment; Larry is sitting on the couch working on his laptop; Balki opens the front door and walks in] Balki Bartokomous: Co-zin, guess what? Larry Appleton: (looks up from his work) What? Your sheep ran away? Balki Bartokomous: (horrified) Dmitri ran away?! NOOOO! What am I going to do?! Larry Appleton: Balki, I was just kidding! Balki Bartokomous: (calming down) Oh, of course you were. How could I be so stupid? Dmitri would never run away. He lost his sense of direction two years ago! (takes a deep breath to calm down) Anyway, I was going to say that I just made a bunch of new friends at the party for all the residents of the building! Larry Appleton: Well, that's great, Balki. (pauses) Wait a second. You didn't invite them over did you? Balki Bartokomous: (insulted) Of course I didn't! Don't be ridiculous! Larry Appleton: (relieved) Great. That means I'll be able to get my work done in peace. Balki Bartokomous: (nervously) Uh, actually, co-zin,... Larry Appleton: (getting angry) Don't say it, Balki! Balki Bartokomous: (quickly) They invited themselves over! How was I supposed to say no? Larry Appleton: (gets incredibly angry, stands up) Balki... Balki Bartokomous: (scared, but looks out into the hall) Oh, co-zin, look! They're here! Come on in, everyone! [Joey Gladstone holding Mr. Woodchuck, Arnold Horshack, Benson, The Fonz, Mr. Belvedere, and Steve Urkel enter the apartment] Balki Bartokomous: (excitedly) Friends, (points at Larry) this is my co-zin Larry, and this is our apartment! Joey Gladstone: Wow! Balki wasn't kidding when he said that he had a fifty-two inch TV! And to think that you doubted him, Mr. Woodchuck! (changes his voice to that of Mr. Woodchuck) Well, you know, Joey, my question is: do you think that TV is made of...wood? (laughs hysterically in the Mr. Woodchuck voice) Arnold Horshack: (grabs Larry's hand and starts shaking it) Hello! How're ya? I'm Arnold Horshack! It is a pleasure to meet you! Let me just say, Mr. Appleton, that this apartment is VERY IMPRESSIVE! It's a lot bigger than my place on the seventh floor, although I think that's because most of the space is covered with pornography! (laughs in Horshack's distinctive style) Larry Appleton: (annoyed) Right. Thanks for letting me know that. Benson: (shakes Larry's hand) Greetings, Larry. I'm Benson DuBois. I'm usually a butler, but I've also been involved in politics. I'm currently unemployed due to the horrid state of the economy, so is there a chance that I may be your butler? Mr. Belvedere: (angry) Hey, you wait just one second! If anyone is going to be their butler, it's going to be me! I'm Mr. Belvedere! I worked for the queen herself! Benson: You mean Richard Simmons? (laughs) Anyway, didn't you pass away recently? Mr. Belvedere: (outraged) Not even death can stop the mighty Brocktoon! (lunges at Benson, they start to fight) Joey Gladstone: Hey, guys, cut-it-out! (laughs hysterically) The Fonz: Hey! Stop it! Joey's right! Fighting won't solve any of your problems. I never fight until I absolutely need to. I just jump over sharks instead. (walks over to Larry) Hey, Larry! I'm the Fonz, but my friends call me Fonzie. You know, we should get this party started! (walks over to the stereo, and bangs his arm against it) Larry Appleton: (surprised) What are you doing? The Fonz: Don't worry! This is how I always start music players! (continues banging the stereo, but it doesn't turn on) Larry Appleton: But, you have to press the button-- The Fonz: (fed up with the stereo, so he strikes it hard, breaking it) Whoops. I guess I don't know my own strength. Larry Appleton: (muttering to himself) I don't believe this... Steve Urkel: (walks over to Larry) Well, Mr. Appleton, let me just repeat my comrades' statements and say that this is a great place you have here. (notices a vase sitting on a table and starts walking towards it) That vase looks like it could be from...(trips on the carpet and falls onto the vase; the table breaks and the vase shatters as it and Steve fall to the floor) Balki Bartokomous: (horrified) Steve, are you okay?! Steve Urkel: (getting off the floor) Yeah, I'm fine. (notices the destroyed vase and table) Did I do that? Joey Gladstone: Steve, you are a riot! Isn't he, Mr. Woodchuck? (changes to Mr. Woodchuck voice) He really is, Joey! I really WOOD like to get to know him better! (starts laughing hysterically in the Mr. Woodchuck voice) Arnold Horshack: (laughs at Mr. Woodchuck's joke, but then starts to cough) Larry Appleton: What's the matter with you? Arnold Horshack: (finishes coughing) Oh, it's nothing...It's just that this laugh I have is slowly killing me. The doctors say I only have a few years left to live. Isn't that hilarious? (starts laughing/coughing some more) [Suddenly, Benson and Mr. Belvedere, who haven't stopped fighting, fall onto the couch, crushing Larry's laptop in the process] Larry Appleton: (freaking out) AHHH! I had seven months of work on there! (screaming) That's it! (grabs Balki, drags him over to the kitchen so they can talk without the guests hearing them) I want all of these people out of my apartment right now! Balki Bartokomous: (pleading) But, co-zin! Larry Appleton: (yelling) Get them out of here right now or I'll have you deported back to Mypos! Balki Bartokomous: (shocked) You would do that to me? Larry Appleton: You bet I would! I've had the INS on speed-dial since the day I met you! Balki Bartokomous: (sheepishly) Okay. Larry Appleton: I want everyone gone when I get back from the bathroom! (goes to the bathroom) Balki Bartokomous: (walks over to the guests) Sorry, everyone, but you're going to have to leave. Steve Urkel: But, Balki, we just got here! And I was just about to show everyone some of my dance moves! Come on everyone, let's do "The Urkel!" Balki Bartokomous: No, sorry, we can't. Co-zin Larry needs to sleep since he has a big day tomorrow. But, don't worry, his birthday is in two days, so we'll throw him a big surprise party! He'll definitely enjoy that! [All of the guests head out the door] (Larry returns from the bathroom) Larry Appleton: (surprised) They're gone? Wow. I'm proud of you, Balki. Balki Bartokomous: Thank you, co-zin. So, did you have fun tonight? Larry Appleton: Well, let me just say this. If I ever see those people again, it'll be too soon. Balki Bartokomous: (laughs nervously since he realizes he shouldn't have told the guests about the party) [Cut to the Perfect Strangers logo] Announcer: Catch the return of Perfect Strangers this Friday at 9PM on ABC following an all-new 1-hour episode of the retooled George Lopez show, now known as "The Georgette Lopez Show!" Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
