|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Virginia.....Amy Poehler Mrs. Teapot.....Amy Poehler Mr. Hanson.....Chris Parnell Mrs. Hanson.....Tina Fey Santa Claus.....Darrell Hammond Elf.....Elijah Wood [Scene: Virginia, a little kid, is in her room writing a letter to Santa. Mrs. Teapot, a figurine similar to Mrs. Potts from 'Beauty and the Beast' sits next to her. Mrs. Teapot's voice is supplied by Virginia who is moving the toy around and making it talk.] Virginia: (while writing) Very Important. Our chimney is broken so leave the presents under the big tree in front. Our cat got stuck in the chimney so don't even try coming down it. Don't worry he's fine and we will be getting him out sometime after Christmas. Yours truly...Virginia. (stops writing) Oh wait... (while writing) P.S. Please ignore any other letters I may have sent. (stopped writing) Well, Mrs. Teapot looks like I'm done with BOTH my letters to Santa. Mrs. Teapot: Two letters to Santa? But why, Virginia? Virginia: Ah Mrs. Teapot, it's a long and complicated story but I guess I can tell you. Mrs. Teapot: Oh please do! Virginia: Well, the other day I was looking through Mom and Dad's closet trying to find out what they got me for Christmas. Mrs. Teapot: Landsakes child! Virginia: Look do you want to hear this or not? Mrs. Teapot: Alright, sorry. Virginia: So anyways, I found a shoebox in the very back of the closet and when I opened it, inside there were all the letters I've ever written to Santa. They didn't mail any of my letters! Mrs. Teapot: Oh dear your parents are evil! Virginia: No Mrs. Teapot, not evil, just misguided and lazy. My guess is that they're so busy with work and other stuff that they use Santa's list to shop for me as a way to save time. Mrs. Teapot: What about the presents you get from Santa? Virginia: Well...since I only ever get one or two presents from Santa at most, Santa must either be getting a shorter list of stuff from my parents, which of course doesn't include what they bought me, or maybe my parents are sooo lazy they don't even bother sending Santa a list at all. They might just add Santa's name to one of the presents thinking neither one of us will be the wiser! Either way, I never get everything I ask for. My parents don't want me to get "spoiled" I guess. Mrs. Teapot: Oh you poor dear. Virginia: It's okay Mrs. Teapot...but you see that's why I need two letters. This one I'll give to my Dad and this one I'll mail to Santa myself, on my way to school. I told Santa to leave the presents under the tree out front because I don't want my parents to find out I'm on to them. Best of all, each list has totally different stuff on it so...if my plan works... this will be a very merry Christmas indeed. Muah ha ha ha ha ha. Mrs. Teapot: Golly gee Virginia, I'd be careful if I was you. You don't want to get yourself on Santa's naughty list now do you? Virginia: No that would be a shame...especially since I really belong on the diabolical list! Muah ha ha ha ha ha. [Enter Virginia's Dad, Mr. Hanson.] Mr. Hanson: Hi honey. Do you have that list to Santa done yet? Virginia: Yeppers. Here it is...no wait. This one. Mr. Hanson: What's with the other letter? Virginia: Rough draft. Mr. Hanson: I see. Say...have you seen Whiskers? Virginia: No... [Cut to ext. shot of house. Super 'Christmas Day'. Cut to internal shot of house with Virginia and Mrs. Hanson and Mr. Hanson sitting on some chairs watching her open presents. There is a couch in the foreground.] Virginia: Wow, that was great. Thanks for everything! Gee...look at the time you guys probably want to get back to bed... Mr. Hanson: Aren't you gonna open your present from Santa? Virginia: What? Oh right. I forgot about that. (opens present nervously) A 'Finding Nemo' DVD...heh I guess Santa got my list huh Dad? Mr. Hanson: (looking at Mrs. Hanson with a 'Isn't that cute' look.) I guess so. [Virginia looks at Mrs. Teapot and rolls her eyes.] Mr. Hanson: Well Mrs. Hanson, how do you like the gift Santa got you? Mrs. Hanson: Well Mr. Hanson... (holding up some lingerie) I'm not sure this was totally for me. Virginia: Yeah it was for you, it had your name on it...now don't you guys want to go back to sleep? (pushing parents to get off the chairs) It's like 6:30, you can sleep for a few hours before it's time to go to church. Mr. Hanson: Well...alright. I don't know about leaving you awake by yourself though... Virginia: (pushing parents up the stairs) I'm gonna just be good and watch the DVD Santa brought me. That's all. See ya, Merry Christmas. Mr. & Mrs. Hanson: Merry Christmas. [Exit parents.] Virginia: Alright Mrs. Teapot... (grabbing garbage bag) now it's time to check outside and see what we got. [Virginia opens the door carefully so as not to make any noise. Virginia exits.] Virginia (v/o): YES! [Virginia returns with a garbage bag full of presents.] Virginia: Suh-weet! Which one to open first...ummm this one looks like it could be an easy bake microwave...I'll open it. (opens present) What's this...it looks like... (removing contents from box)COAL! [Virginia begins to frantically open presents, revealing coal in each one.] [Cut to Santa's workshop. Santa Claus and Elf are sitting in a room watching Virginia opening her presents on a monitor. Elf sits in controller chair with Santa standing next to him.] Elf: Well Santa, do you think she's learned her lesson? Santa Claus: I hope so Marvin. Elf: And hey, the sercurity cameras I convinced you to install last Christmas have sure paid off haven't they? You would never have known what she was up to if it weren't for them. They totally take the guesswork out of who's naughty and who's nice. Santa Claus: (turning around and looking at his naughty and nice books) Perhaps, but the more I think of it the more I wonder if they aren't just a monumental invasion of privacy... Elf: (eyes open wide) Wow! Looks like Mrs. Hanson decided to try out that present you got for her...the way she's acting...I think she belongs on the very naughty list! [Santa Claus walks over and looks at what Elf is watching and slaps him in the back of the head.] Santa Claus: Don't you have some toys to make? Elf: Sorry Santa. [Elf exits. Santa Claus shuts off monitors and goes to leave the room. He notices the camera on him and puts his finger along side his nose.] Santa Claus: (softly into camera) Merry Christmas. [Cut back to Virginia's house with Virginia surrounded by lumps of coal. She's holding one last present which is a little box.] Virginia: Maybe it's the earrings I wanted. [Virginia opens the box and takes out a tiny piece of coal. She sighs and notices a note inside the box. She removes the note.] Virginia: (reading) "Dear Virginia. I hope you enjoy the 'Finding Nemo' DVD I got for you. Please say thank you to your parents for helping me out with your list which your father faxed to me two weeks ago." (Virginia stops reading and looks at Mrs. Teapot.) Of course...Dad faxed the letters and then kept them as souvenirs..the old softy. (reading) "If I filled my sleigh with all the toys children asked for, my poor reindeer would never be able to get it off the ground, so I appreciate the help. I hope you've learned your lesson and that you won't try and fool Santa again. As you can see, getting coal for Christmas is not very much fun so stay on the nice list! Sincerely Santa Claus." (Virginia stops reading and looks at Mrs. Teapot.) How about that... [A meow is heard from the chimney. Virginia walks over to it and reaches up to pull out Whiskers, her cat.] Virginia: Thanks for helping out Whiskers but the plan didn't work. (noticing collar) Hey, is this a new collar? Thanks Santa. [Virginia, now with a huge smile on her face, picks up Mrs. Teapot and goes over to the couch where the three of them lay down. Whiskers jumps away as Virginia closes her eyes and goes to sleep clutching Mrs. Teapot as Christmas music slowly fades in. Cut to ext. shot of house.] [Fade out to 'Feliz Navidad'.] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
