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.....Elijah Wood Lord of the Rings Nerd #1.....Jeff Richards Lord of the Rings Nerd #2.....Will Forte Don Pardo V/O: Ladies and gentlemen! E-li-jah Wood! [ Elijah Wood excitedly runs onto the stage ] Elijah Wood: Thank you very much! It's great to be in New York, hosting the 553rd episode of "Saturday Night Live"! It's been a hectic week, lots of running back and forth and -- Lord of the Rings Nerd #1: Hold on just a second, Eli! Lord of the Rings Nerd #2: Yeah, wait a minute. Elijah Wood: I'm sorry. What? Lord of the Rings Nerd #1: This isn't the 553rd episode of "Saturday Night Live" - it's the 554th! Lord of the Rings Nerd #2: That's right! Any serious fan would know that! Elijah Wood: Alright, guys, calm down. I've watched the show for years, too, but who cares about a silly number? [ the Lord of the Rings fans are agape with mock surprise at Wood's disclosure ] Lord of the Rings Nerd #1: Who cares?? Lord of the Rings Nerd #2: What did he just say?? Lord of the Rings Nerd #1: Who cares?? Lord of the Rings Nerd #2: I can't believe what I just heard! Lord of the Rings Nerd #1: We've only watched this show for the last couple of seasons, but we traded a furlough of tapes through eBay just so we could do the proper research. And this is the thanks we get, from the guy we've spent our lives living through vicariously? Elijah Wood: Okay, guys. I'm glad you're fans of my work, but why not let me get on with the monologue? I was just about to take questions from the audience. Does anyone have a question? Lord of the Rings Nerd #1: Hey, this isn't how you performed the monologue exactly two-and-a-half hours ago! Lord of the Rings Nerd #2: Yeah, this was obviously rewritten! Elijah Wood: How would you guys even know that? We used a different audience. Lord of the Rings Nerd #2: We're huge "Lord of the Rings" fans. We would never miss any personal appearances by the cast. You're not the only trilogy Pretty Boy we pay attention to! Lord of the Rings Nerd #1: You're giving away too much information. Look, the fact is.. we've seen the trilogy 232 times. We have the script memorized, we know the exact location every scene was shot, and we've spotted all the inconsistencies and CGI gaffe errors. Elijah Wood: You know, you don't have to say "gaffe" and "error" together - it's kind of implied. Lord of the Rings Nerd #1: Hey, we point out the gaffe errors, not you! Lord of the Rings Nerd #2: Yeah! Do you have a girlfriend? Elijah Wood: Uh.. as a matter of fact, I do. Lord of the Rings Nerd #1: Well, we don't! So, there! Lord of the Rings Nerd #2: Yeah, suck on that! Elijah Wood: What?! How does your not having girlfriends make you better than me? Lord of the Rings Nerd #1: We get to save all our money, and spend it on comic books! Lord of the Rings Nerd #2: You'd be amazed at the continuity errors we can find between those pages. What, do editors think we don't notice? Sheesh! Elijah Wood: Alright, guys.. wait. [ squinting ] Now you've made me lose my place on the cue cards. [ the two Nerds laugh and high-five one another ] Lord of the Rings Nerds: Gaffe Alert!! Gaffe Alert!! Elijah Wood: [ sighs ] It's not techincally a gaffe if you guys shatter my concentration. Lord of the Rings Nerd #2: A gaffe's a gaffe, bub! Elijah Wood: [ shakes his head ] Whatever. Folks, in spite of these nerds, we've got a great show for you tonight. The Jets are here! [ the two Nerds laugh and high-five one another ] Lord of the Rings Nerds: Gaffe Alert!! Gaffe Alert!! Lord of the Rings Nerd #1: It's just Jet, you idiot! Lord of the Rings Nerd #2: Yeah! Who's the nerd now, you idiot! You don't know your music! Elijah Wood: [ angry ] Whatever! Jet is here! And we'll be right black - back! We'll be right BACK!! [ the Nerds continue to laugh and taunt Wood ] Elijah Wood: Oh, go away!! [ Wood exits to his first sketch ] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
