[Scene begins as Parnell’s character enters a small room with several other men (Fallon, Thompson, Richards). Some empty pizza boxes, desks, and computers litter the messy room.]

Parnell: Listen, everyone...I got good news, and I got bad news. The good news is, the White House wants to raise the terror alert...again. The bad news is...the Bush administration wants us to be more detailed about what we tell Tom Ridge.

Fallon: Why? I thought Ridge was in our pocket...

Parnell: He is, he is...it’s just that, you know, with the election coming up, we need to be more creative about how we convey the fact that there is indeed a threat, especially when there isn’t one...which is the case most of the time, and definitely is the case now.

Fallon: But, the intel...it’s just not, uh, strong enough anymore. We don’t even have leads to embellish. What’s the point?

Parnell: That is the point...we need to make them up. Just, you know, out of the blue. I don’t know what else to tell you. Just no more ambiguous (air quotes) "there’s just a threat, ok?" stuff.

Fallon: (flustered) I’m...I’m not following...

Parnell: (tensely) Well follow this...have something viable to me by six, or something will happen...and I believe you know what that is! (a pause as he walks out of the room briskly)

Fallon: (looks at his crew) Damn guys...what are we gonna do?

Thompson: Man, I don’t know. My daddy gave me this job because it was easy...and I’m an idiot.

Richards: Me too. I’m not supposed to have to think when doing this!

Fallon: Well, I’m sorry. We have to actually come up with something this time. We’re just going to have to think like real bureaucrats now.

Thompson: Bureaucrat? Am I actually a bureaucrat??? I gotta go tell my friends! (stands up)

Fallon: Sit down! (a pause as Thompson sits down, with a disgruntled look on his face) Now, we gotta have something, ok, or we won’t be official terror alert sentinel patriots for long.

Richards: Man, that’s a cool name! Bush is the best!

Thompson: I bet that’ll sure look good on a resume! Who’s not gonna hire a sentinel patriot???

Fallon: (with his head down) Stop! (lifts up) Now, does anybody got any ideas?

[A pause, as they all appear lost.]

Thompson: (looking up quickly) You know, we could always just blame the Arabs. Just say that Al Queda’s behind some scheme or plot.

Fallon: But what scheme or plot? That’s the part where we gotta come through, moron!

[Another pause.]

Richards: I got it...we’ll leak some foreign intelligence to the FBI about a rogue group of Hussein loyalists that have secreted their way into the country.

Fallon: That’s not gonna work. With Saddam captured, they’re not gonna buy that as easily.

Thompson: What about Saddam? (with verve and vim) Maybe he’s leading the force!

Richards: Yeah!

Fallon: Didn’t you just hear me? Saddam’s captured! Have you guys been living in a cave???

Thompson: No, but that new Tony Hawk game has kept me pretty occupied of late.

Fallon: Shut up!

Richards: Hey, has anyone been watching the Lord of the Rings movies?

Thompson: I have!

Richards: Maybe we could make something up along those lines. I mean, he said to be creative.

Fallon: (disgusted) Oh god...

Thompson: What about the Matrix movies...we could try and get something from them...

Richards: Whatever, dude...the Matrix sucks!

Thompson: The Matrix rocks!

Fallon: Listen! Even though the Lord of the Rings kicks Matrix ass...(looks at Thompson, who appears upset) we can’t start going to movies for ideas...Congress will never go for it.

Thompson: Ok, smart guy...you’re the leader here, what do we do?

Richards: Yeah, it’s about time you came up with something!

Fallon: If you’d both shut up, I could think! Now...(a pause) how ‘bout this: we say there’s a virus, ok, a life threatening virus, that’s about to be unleashed by a band of Mexicans or something...and we’ve got this one special agent trying to stop it. But right now, the situation’s so tense, that we won’t, like, find out what’s going on for the next couple weeks!

Richards: Damn that show! I hate it when "24" goes on hiatus!

Thompson: I know! Can you believe Jack Bauer almost shot that gay dude?

Richards: He’s not gay!

Thompson: Yes he is! It says in the credits!

Fallon: What are you two talking about???

Thompson: You know, "24" the show. That’s what you were talking about, right?

Fallon: No! I was trying to come up with an idea!

Richards: Dude, you sooo just outlined the plot to "24", man.

Fallon: Dammit! There’s no good original ideas out there, with all the movies and TV shows and stuff. How are we supposed to think of something???

[Parnell enters in a rush.]

Parnell: What have you got, jagweed?

Fallon: Dude, we can’t...(hesitant) we can’t come up with anything. (a pause as Parnell looks angry) How ‘bout you give us a couple more hours, man. Come on, be a pal!

Parnell: Nope. Looks like you gotta face the music. (unzips his pants) Do you want to get this over with now, or later?

Fallon: (head down, in disdain) Now...

Parnell: You guys stay in here...your boss is about to do a job...a real job!