|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Dudley.....Seth Meyers Egghead.....Jeff Richards Jackie.....Jennifer Aniston Kenny.....Kenan Thompson Maggie.....Rachel Dratch Old Man Allen.....Will Forte [ ext. Baseball Diamond - Day ] [ All are young kids. Dudley is on the mound. Egghead is catching while Jackie is at the plate ] Egghead: Swing, batter batter, swing (etc.) [ cut to mound ] Dudley: Here comes my split-finger-knuckle-curve-banana-knuckle-salmon-fireball! Jackie: I'll knock it clear out of here! [ Dudley pitches ] [ Jackie swings, hits the ball deep to right field ] [ Kenny, the right fielder, chases the fly ball towards the fence ] Kenny: I got it! I got it! [ reaching fence, Kenny jumps as high as he can, about an inch, trying to rob Jackie of a home run. In slow motion, the ball passes over the fence five feet to the right ] [ Jackie screams, hollers as she circles the bases ] Jackie: Girls rule, boys drool! (etc.) [ Dudley hits himself in the face repeatedly with his baseball glove ] Kenny: Oh no! You hit it into Old Man Allen's Yard! Egghead: Now we'll never get our ball back! [ Dudley peeks over the top of his glove ] Dudley: Sure we will, you cry baby! [ The two teams are now all congregated at the right field fence, along with Maggie, Egghead's younger sister, who's holding a Barbie doll by the hair in her mouth ] Kenny: I'm not going over that to get it! Jackie: How scary could it be? Kenny: Real scary! Some people say Old Man Allen is the devil! Jackie: That's just retarded talk. [ sighs ] Let me look. [ Jackie approaches the fence and peaks over ] [ footage of Hell is shown, including clips of exploding volcanoes and various Hell beasts from horror b-movies ] [ Old Man Allen, a.k.a. Lucifer, sits upon a throne made of the bones of sinners, and notices a baseball come rolling to settle at his feet ] Jackie V/O: Wow! He really is the devil! [ cut to Jackie stepping back from the fence a few steps ] Egghead: My dad is gonna kill me when he finds out! Dudley: Hey! Maybe then you can get our ball back since you'll be over there dead! Egghead: Aww, c'mon! Maggie: You're so mean to my brother, Dudley! [ whacks Dudley with her Barbie ] Jackie: Look! Someone's gotta go get that ball! Dudley: I'm not scared, I can get it! [ approaches fence and looks over ] [ footage of Hell shown again ] [ Old Man Allen picks up the ball from the ground, inspects it, sniffs it ] Old Man Allen: It smells like little children… [ Old Man Allen licks the ball ] Old Man Allen: Too bad it doesn't taste like little children. [ cut to Dudley at the fence ] Dudley: [ stepping away ] Eww, the ball has devil germs on it now. I'm not touching that! Kenny: Hey, Maggie, if you go get that ball, we'll let you play. Jackie: Yeah, you can be on my team. Maggie: Oh boy! [ Maggie leaps fence ] Egghead: I can't believe you guys. You just sent my sister off to be eaten by demons and hellhounds! Kenny: C'mon Egghead, what's the big deal? Egghead: What am I gonna tell my dad if she doesn't come back? Jackie: Why don't you just tell him Maggie went on a long vacation? That's where my dad told me my gramma went after that car crash. Dudley: It's not like we need her here anyway. Jackie: Yeah, you love her! Dudley: Do not! Jackie: Do too! Dudley: Do not! Kenny: Hey, let's see how she's doing. [ all approach fence ] [ footage of Hell is shown again ] [ Maggie approaches Old Man Allen at his throne ] Maggie: Please, Mr. Devilman, can I have that baseball back? Old Man Allen: Oooh a tasty little child! Maggie: Please? Old Man Allen: I will savor it when I rend your flesh from your bones! Maggie: You can't do anything to me. My mommy says the devil can only get me if I don't eat my broccoli. And I ate all three! Old Man Allen: Oh drat! Well, here's your ball little girl. You might not be so lucky next time! [ Maggie takes ball and walks away ] [ back at the fence the team celebrates as Maggie returns with the ball ] Maggie: See, that was so easy. [ freeze frame on them all jumping and screaming ] V/O: Brought to you by the Christian Coalition Broccoli Council - if you don't eat your broccoli, the devil will eat you! [ fade out ] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
