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.....Maya Rudolph Gwyneth Paltrow.....Megan Mullally Chris Martin.....Clay Aiken Ben Affleck.....Jimmy Fallon [We open to the Paltrow residence. A pregnant Gwyneth and Chris are sitting on a couch in the living room] (The doorbell rings) Chris Martin: I wonder who could be calling at so late an hour? Gwyneth Paltrow: I have no idea. (She gets up to get the door) Chris Martin: Gwyenth, let me. No need to exert yourself. Gwyneth Paltrow: Just because I’m pregnant, it doesn’t mean that I’m an invalid. Chris Martin: Sorry, sorry. Just trying to be a gentleman. Gwyneth Paltrow: I know. Must be my hormones acting up again. (She slowly makes her way to the door and opens it, revealing Maya standing outside) Gwyneth Paltrow: Maya! This is a nice surprise. Do come in. Maya Rudolph: Thanks. (Gwyneth closes the door) Chris Martin: So, Maya, to what do we owe the pleasure of your company tonight? Gwyneth Paltrow: We haven’t had a lot of time to talk since I found out about the pregnancy. Maya, honey, is that why you’ve dropped by, to congratulate us on the baby? Maya Rudolph: (hesitates) Kind of. Gwyneth Paltrow: You don’t sound too sure about that. Is something wrong? You know that you can tell me anything. Maya Rudolph: Gwennie, do you remember the oath that we swore to each other back in the 6th grade? Gwyneth Paltrow: I’m drawing a blank. Maya Rudolph: Well I DO. Want me to recite it to you? Gwyneth Paltrow: (nervously) I guess it couldn’t harm. For old times sake. Maya Rudolph: “I, Gwyneth Paltrow, promise to remain the best of friends with Maya Rudolph, through thick and thin, for better or worse. The two of us will graduate High School together, have our babies together and grow old together.” Chris Martin: How sweet. Gwyneth Paltrow: That was nice Maya. Thanks for the memories. Maya Rudolph: Aren’t you the least bit troubled by it? Gwyneth Paltrow: Why should I be? We’re still great friends and we always will be. Maya Rudolph: “The two of us will graduate High School together, HAVE OUR BABIES TOGETHER!!!” Gwyneth Paltrow: Maya, what are you saying? Maya Rudolph: You could have at least consulted me first, but, no, you just HAD TO let Chris put his hotdog in your bun. Chris Martin: Hey! Gwyneth Paltrow: Maya, you know that you’re more than welcome to visit our baby as often as you want. Maya Rudolph: It’s just not the same. We were both supposed to be mommies. (She breaks down into tears) Gwyneth Paltrow: (hugs Maya) Sweet angel, don’t cry. Everything will be o.k. Maya Rudolph: I’m so sorry Gwennie. Gwyneth Paltrow: Don’t be. Our friendship means a lot to me too. Now that I think about it, I think I might have a solution to this little dilemma. I’ll be right back. (Gwyneth waddles slowly off-stage and returns accompanied by a drunken Ben Affleck) Chris Martin: Gwen, what is HE doing here? Gwyneth Paltrow: Ben’s going through a tough time right now, so he’s been staying in our pool house until he gets his life sorted out. Chris Martin: You could have at least asked me first? Maya Rudolph: Tell me about it. Gwyneth Paltrow: Maya, sweetheart, he’s all yours. Maya Rudolph: Gwennie, you’re the best. (grabs Ben) Benny boy, the two of us are going back to the pool house and we aren’t coming out until you’ve fathered my child. Ben Affleck: Sounds good to me. [Fade out] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
