[Scene begins with still-frame of a beautiful university building. Uplifting orchestral music plays in the background.]

Graduate Student V/O: As I look back on my undergraduate years, I realize they were filled with life-changing events and mind-expanding discoveries. For me, it was a period of intensive learning, both in the academic and social realms. I determined what career paths I would take, and cut ties with my parents’ way of life as I developed thoughts and ideas of my own.

However, as a graduate student, I began to become ensconced within my newfound self, and my fondest recollections during this time period derived from friendships with the great researchers and experts of the field in which I chose to study.

[Cut to still-frame of the student (Parnell) laughing with other professors at an upscale party.]

Graduate Student V/O: For me, it was psychology that stoked my interests, and during the time in which I sought the highly prestigious doctoral degree, the most rewarding companionship I kept was with a figure who held high rank among his contemporaries in our great discipline. This man’s name...was Dr. Brian Rourke.

[Cut to a still-frame of Dr. Brian Rourke (Richards) and the student with their arms around each other in loving embrace. Rourke is dressed up to look older and has a ruddy face with an elongated chin and a monocle hanging from his right eye.]

Graduate Student V/O: What follows is one of many stories that characterized this man’s eminent demeanor, which in turn will indicate the wisdom I took from him over the years.

[The music stops. Cut to a scene in a small classroom containing a large desk around which several students sit and talk. The graduate student is located at the front of the table. Enter Dr. Rourke, who is wearing a flannel shirt and khakis and has a backpack on his shoulders. In his right hand he holds a bottle of Cutty, and in his left a highball full of the scotch. The class suddenly grows quiet when he walks through the door.]

Dr. Brian Rourke: (in an uncharacteristically low and subtle voice) Class...I’ve been doin’ a little drinkin’ today...and I’ve decided we’re goin’ on a field trip.

[A beat as the classroom begins to clamor with the sounds of rustling papers and hushed whispers. Only the graduate student stands up.]

Dr. Rourke: GET UP YOU RUNTS!!!

[Dr. Rourke throws his highball across the room and slaps the graduate student in the face.]

Graduate Student: (rubbing his face) What did you do that for?

Dr. Rourke: You’re my teaching assistant...you’re supposed to be a leader! Now round everyone up and get em’ ready to go!

Graduate Student: Are we goin’ to the river again?

Dr. Rourke: NO YOU WORTHLESS SCRUB! We’re goin’ to the ‘yard!

Graduate Student: What yard?

[Cut to a still-frame of the campus building, as exciting orchestral music plays.]

Graduate Student V/O: When Dr. Rourke mentioned going to the yard as he called it, I have to admit, I had no idea what he was talking about. However I, along with the other students, would find out soon enough.

[Cut to still-frame of Dr. Rourke driving his automobile with a cigar in his mouth.]

Graduate Student V/O: The great professor stuffed us all into his gigantic Hummer and drove us 15 miles outside of town. The excitement in the belly of his beastly SUV was palpable, as was the complete and utter fear that replaced it once we arrived at our destination.

[The music stops. Cut to a scene where Dr. Rourke, his students, and the graduate student are standing in a graveyard. Dr. Rourke bends down and begins reading the epitaph on the tombstone they surround.]

Dr. Rourke: Mrs. Bermuda Rourke - 1806-1981...

[A beat as everyone gasps in wonder at the words inscribed on the tombstone.]

Dr. Rourke: Today, we’re studying death psychology! (he hands the graduate student a shovel)

Graduate Student: What do you want me to do with this?

Dr. Rourke: Start digging!

Graduate Student: You want me to dig up your mother???

Dr. Rourke: NEVER SEND A BOY TO DO A MAN’S JOB!!! (he then snatches the shovel away from the student and hits him with it)

[Cut to a still-frame of the professor digging a hole as suspenseful orchestral music plays.]

Graduate Student V/O: Well, after being whopped in the head with Dr. Rourke’s steel shovel, I immediately lost consciousness. It was only through the words of an undergraduate who was there that day to witness the carnage that I learned the following. Dr. Rourke would proceed to dig a large number of graves, and afterwards, took to burying us all alive.

[Cut to a still-frame of the graduate student laying in a freshly-dug grave with Dr. Rourke shoveling dirt on top of him.]

Graduate Student V/O: I too was thrown in, and it was in an earthen tomb that I awoke, in tortuous psychological pain and suffering. It took him about nine minutes to dig the holes...

[Cut to a still-frame of Dr. Rourke standing proudly before several graves which he had dug.]

Graduate Student V/O: ...three seconds to force each of us into them...

[Cut to a still-frame of Dr. Rourke pushing an undergraduate into one of the graves.]

Graduate Student V/O: ...and about five minutes to pile the dirt on top of us.

[Cut to a still-frame of Dr. Rourke pouring dirt on top of another undergraduate, who’s mouth is open-wide, as if he is screaming.]

Graduate Student V/O: He then left us inside the cold, dark earth for nearly five hours.

[Cut to a still-frame of the graduate student inside the grave, buried alive. He looks cannot be discerned.]

Graduate Student V/O: It was there that I realized the value inherent in that day’s initially horrific and terrifying lesson. He was teaching us that we should not fear death while alive, and that our existence on this earth should be regarded with abundant joy and gladness, despite the terrible things that may happen to us along the way. In essence, Dr. Rourke was teaching us about life, in his usual novel yet traumatizing manner.

[The music stops. Cut to a scene where Dr. Rourke is standing before his students and the graduate student, who are all filthy from being buried in their graves.]

Graduate Student V/O: It was not long after we were exhumed from our tombs of learning when Dr. Rourke began reading a poem he had wrote to his dead mother while we were underground. I remember it like it was yesterday...

Dr. Rourke: WAKE UP YOU PUKES! BE ALERT!

[A beat as everyone stops brushing dirt from their clothes and focuses on the professor.]

Dr. Rourke: I will read...to you now. (pulls a sheet of paper from his pocket and recites the poem in a somber yet gruff manner)

[A beat as he folds the paper and puts it in his pocket. The sounds of students’ sniffles from their collective shedding of tears is heard.]

Dr. Rourke: WHO’S CRYING??? I’LL TEAR THEIR HEART OUT!!!

[As he lunges towards the group, all of them, save the graduate student, run away towards the woods. Dr. Rourke does not chase them, however, but instead remains with the graduate student at the site where everyone was buried.]

Dr. Rourke: What the hell are you still doin’ here?

Graduate Student: Well, I didn’t cry when you we’re reading your poem, so I thought that...

Dr. Rourke: SHOW SOME RESPECT!!!

[Dr. Rourke then punches the student in the face...he hits the ground quickly. Cut to beautiful still-frame of a misty graveyard on a late afternoon as soft, orchestral music plays.]

Graduate Student V/O: Well, I was surprised at Dr. Rourke’s reaction to my remaining tearless during the elegiac tribute to his mother. I personally felt much pride, since everyone else began to "cry like friggin’ babies" as he would state later on. I even thought we had grown somewhat closer during that time, for whatever reason.

[Cut to a still-frame of the Graduate Student passed out and nude in the backseat of the professor’s SUV.]

Graduate Student V/O: However, it wasn’t until I came to hours later lying naked in the back of his gargantuous vehicle that I realized how much he had taught me with that single punch. I also realized I was in a state of extreme discomfort over the terrible pain residing in and around my ass...but anyway, I learned that respect for the dead is not necessarily indicated by balling like a child or a terminally-ill senior citizen, but instead by bowing your head, biting your lip, and reminiscing in the good times you experienced with the deceased. Considering lessons such as these, I don’t know how I would’ve made it through this crazy life without having known such a great man as Dr. Brian Rourke was. Thank you again, professor!

[SUPER: To be continued...]