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Narrator: Darryl Hammond Arjun.....An unknown 16 year old male actor-indian descent Parthiv (Arjun’s older Brother).....Seth Meyers Preeti (Arjun’s Younger Sister).....An unknown 10 year old actress indian descent Arjun’s Father.....Chris Parnell Arjun’s Mother.....Amy Poehler TV announcer and both cashiers.....Will Forte Guy in American Eagle Store.....Kenan Thompson Big Naked Gay Guy.....Jeff Richards A screen pops up showing a wintery wonderland. The Narrator’s Voice Starts: Narrator: Ah, it’s February, and I just love this time of year, it’s so wintery it’s well. Okay, it’s not the best time of year, I mean you got sick people and well to top it off, it’s Cold. Look, my name is Arjun, yeah I know, you people at home always wonder who the hell is always talking to you, with just a voice heard. I would like to tell you about a time in my life that was special. I’m talking about Thanksgiving, that was really special in my life. Uh, Roll, the clip Antonio. No not my drunk night, roll my clip from Thanksgiving. (Show Cut a scene of a blue house and inside cut to a teenager reading) Arjun sitting there reading on his when his brother comes in and tackles him. Arjun: Ouf, get off me. This is the first thing you do when you get here. Parthiv: Yeah, well it’s Thanksgiving. It’s 10:00 in the morning man, we got to start doing things man, and you’re in here just reading. Look, I’m in a good college and I get time to play, why can’t you. Arjun: Well, oops I guess I’m not you. Parthiv: With that kind of thinking you never will be. (Parthiv leaves. Arjun decides to get up and go downstairs also) Father: Arjun, what are you doing, why aren’t you studying. Arjun: I well, I can uh, do it tomorrow. Father: Tomorrow, you guys are going to the mall, so get going, and study. Arjun: Uh, it’s Thanksgiving. Father: You know there’s always an excuse with you, how about doing some work and then talking. Mother: Look, why don’t we go to the mall today, we will go together. So, he can study tomorrow. Arjun: Uh, yeah, going to the mall all 5 of us. But, don’t you think it will be too soon, what about Christmas decorations Father: Oh, don’t worry about that. Jeez, the malls start putting up the decorations right after Halloween. You know pretty soon it will be. “Oh Happy New Year, tomorrow, it’s our pre- Christmas Sale,” (Cut to Parthiv sitting watching Mad About You on TV) Arjun: Uh, we’re going to the mall. All of our really great family. Arjun: Wait, “Mad About You”, oh uh, Parthiv, I’d change the channel if I were you. Parthiv: Look man, you know what you are, neurotic, you need to relax, and go tell them I’m coming. Arjun: Yeah whatever. (Arjun leaves the room. The narrator on tv suddenly says something) Narrator: Coming up next is another half hour of Mad About You right here on “Lifetime” the network for women. Parthiv: Oh my God! (He gets up and leaves the room) Flash Forward to the Mall: (the 5 are standing at the doorway Preeti is getting hassled by Parthiv, while their mother is looks at some shoes nearby, while Arjun looks like he doesn’t want to be there) Arjun: The mall yay, with my family yay! Preeti: I’m going to the Toy Store, and leave me alone you big meanie. Parthiv: The only meanie is the guy over there, and by the way, Arjun, you owe those 5 bucks. Arjun: Hey brother how about later, I wanted to look at clothes. Parthiv: Hah, hah, hah, you are really funny sometimes, seriously let’s go 5 bucks out. (Arjun gives him the money and then starts to walk away towards a clothes shop) Mother: Look, let’s all meet back at 3:00 to go home. (Parthiv goes off in the left direction, Preeti goes off straight ahead, and Arjun to the right, and Mother goes to those shoes). (Arjun walks into an American Eagle Clothing Store. He goes over to this shelf that has some jeans in them) Arjun: All right, I was looking for some blackish jeans. (He goes to counter as he waits in the line, he looks at the size. The size is correct, but then he notices them, the pants just have buttons on them in the place of the zipper, like some women’s pants. He gets out of the line) Cashier voice: You don’t want those. Arjun: No, I don’t just realized, I uh, don’t like black. Man in the store: Hey. Arjun: No, not that, I mean the color, er, look just forget it. Man in the store: Look, it’s the 21st century can’t we stop this now. Arjun: Look I’m a minority I’m not like that, in fact I’m the one who gets the crap at the airport. So why would I be a racist. (Arjun puts the pants back. He starts to walk to the back of the store. He doesn’t see some shorts lying on the floor. He slips on them and falls onto the rack of women’s undergarments) (He gets up and has some underwear stuck to him). Man in the store: Well someone has problems. I mean, uh, no I mean, PERVERT. Arjun: I slipped on something. Man in the store: Always using scapegoats, that what racists are always doing using excuses. Arjun: Okay, I am done with this place. (He pulls off the underwear and starts to walk out of the store) Cashier voice: After all that handling of the merchandise you didn’t buy anything. Arjun: Oops, sorry. (He has a sarcastic tone of voice) (He goes out and sits on a bench to clear his thoughts.) (Meanwhile, the scene changes to show. Parthiv is throwing out a finished drink, he then starts to look for a bathroom. After running around for a few minutes. He starts to get anxious He runs into another hallway and goes into a small Mall restaurant.) Parthiv: Do you have a bathroom. Another Cashier Voice: In the back. (Parthiv goes into the mens room and is shocked at what he finds). (Camera pans to show a big fat guy naked standing there, the nudity is blocked out) Big Naked Guy: (In a gay voice) Oh My god. Parthiv: (Shocked) uh, uh, I’ll just get going. Big Gay Guy: Look, uh this may be hard to understand, but I can actually explain. (The voice is still lispy and audience should be cracking up now). Parthiv: I’m sure you can, but I really could care less right now. Bye! (He runs out of the bathroom) Parthiv: Yahh!!!! (He runs out the store, and then he passes the bench where Arjun is sitting) (He notices him running by screaming like a maniac now) Arjun: Man, they let just about any idiot in the mall these days. (Fade The Screen Out to Black) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
