|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Narrator: Darryl Hammond Arjun.....An unknown 16 year old male actor-indian descent Parthiv (Arjun’s older Brother).....Seth Meyers Preeti (Arjun’s Younger Sister).....An unknown 10 year old actress indian descent Arjun’s Father.....Chris Parnell Arjun’s Mother.....Amy Poehler Ozzy Osborne.....Horatio Sanz Michael Jackson.....Maya Rudolph .....Tina Fey .....Megan Mullally We open at a couch where all the family members are sitting, Father, Mother Parthiv, Preeti and Arjun. Arjun: She typed in Whitehouse.com and the site is Whitehouse.gov. Mother: And where do you think she got whitehouse.com, from you. I knew that not checking up on you would lead to trouble. Arjun: For the last time I don't look at those sites. She got on there by accident. I have nothing to do with this. Father: Yeah that's all well and good, but there is still an issue about your habits. Arjun: There is no need to go on anymore about this topic, it's a misunderstanding and I should even be a part of it. I was not even in the room and I come in to find this stuff on the computer. Father: Look, I just am afraid you need to be more confident in your self. You don't talk to girls you don't go to dances or parties and any of that stuff. Those type of people end up looking at these sites. Arjun: Okay thanks for your concern, but guess what, that is not happening. Father: You need to start acting like an adult, and get out of this house more. Arjun: Okay I'm not going to deal with this, I'm done. It's thanksgiving I don't want to argue. Father: I don't care if your birthday is today, it is always time for matters of principles to be discussed. Arjun: Oh what a happy world we live in. Mother: You know that sarcastic attitude isn't going to help either. Parthiv: Heck, I don't think anything on you is going to help. Arjun: Okay that is it! I am done with this conversation. This has been a very very fun day. I am done with everything and anything. Just call me down when dinner is ready. (Arjun leaves the room going upstairs The people disperse from the room and the screen goes black) (The screen comes on again. The camera pans onto the table with a turkey in the center, there are other dishes being set on it by the parents. The focus goes onto the TV which is just about 100 feet from the table It is off at this moment.) Mother: I will call them all down. (She beckons for the kids to come down) (They all come down and they sit at the table. The parents also sit at the table) Preeti: We should say what we are thankful for. Parthiv: How about TV! Arjun: Okay that is not even funny. Father: Oh, so now, his comedy is not funny, I just do not understand you. The TV has not been on for the last 5 hours. Put it on. (Mother goes and turns the TV on) (Basically it becomes this Thanksgiving dinner with interruptions from the TV.) Mother: Well, it's Thanksgiving, let's enjoy our dinner, we can just let the TV be . Father: So, what all do you have left to do with your homework Arjun. Mother: Oh why are you bringing it up now, we are eating. Preeti: It's Thanksgiving, I think we should just- Father: Ok, I am sick of hearing about how it's freakin Thanksgiving, I want to know if my son has organized his time. So, because it's Thanksgiving we should just drop everything and celebrate a holiday. Mother: Oh it's time to relax. (The two of them with Preeti in the middle continue to argue. We just hear mindless shouting) Parthiv: This is why I just love college. Arjun: Oh shut up! (We cut to the television) (The camera pans to show the image on the screen, which is of Ozzy Osborne sitting on that white couch.) Ozzy Osborne: Sharon! (He pauses.) You kids, y'all driving me (bleep) mas, uh. (He gets up and sees a dog) Ozzy: Uh, bark, growl, uh uh(bleep) (He looks around, and then he falls to the ground. We cut to the table) Father: Oh, who the hell put this on, I don't want to see that swearing drunk man, what kind of society is this where, drugged out losers are entertainment. (Mother changes the channel and we cut to the screen again. It shows Michael Jackson) Michael Jackson: Hi I'm Michael Jackson, and I would just like to say, that have you all seen my nose. Yeah I know it's good, but seriously have you seen it. At my sleep over last week with the boy scouts, I mean uh. Look I like to sleep with little boys I mean, I just like to sleep with them. And, uh fondle them, but that's besides the point. Look I just wanted to see if anyone has found my nose, aw hell I'll just get another one. (Suddenly a man comes in and whispers something into his ears and leaves) Michael Jackson: That was my sales agent, and he says no, I better stick to the one I have, so If you have seen it just give me a call. (We cut to Mother changing the channel) Father: Well, TV sure is great now these days, you got freaky, and stoned losers trying to entertain me and then you all these great reality shows where people they fight to get married and then they break up the next day. A whole lot of money is just going right down the drain. Arjun: Yeah, let's criticize the TV, and let's keep it on during our dinner. Father: Look, you should not be talking, I want you to finish your dinner and get to work, because I know you have to read. Arjun: Yeah and that is all I have left to do. Father: So finish and get going. Arjun: Yes I will, but let me finish. Father: You will finish when you eat and stop talking, I will criticize as much as I want. (Sarcastically), It is thanksgiving, and I am thankful for criticizing this whole darn society. Parthiv: Yeah, go and get back to work you have slacked off all day hah. Preeti: Yeah I went and finished my work, and now I am all done. (It turns into a panoramic 360 degrees scene similar to "That 70's Show, on camera shot shows Parthiv and Preeti laughing, and then it pans around to show the parents.) Mother: Well, what a day, and now you can just finish your work. It's just, why did you have to slack off in school, you really have to work hard this year, and I just feel bad that now you have to stress more to make up for it. (Camera pans to show father just shaking his head, and then turns to show the two siblings laughing away. Then the camera focuses Arjun angry and about to say something but the Narration takes over again. The camera still stays on Arjun's actions as the narrator speaks) Narrator: No, I just stopped myself. I did not say that. I realized I had too much to be thankful for, atleast I have a family. I had scene a lot of crazy characters today, and my life was better than all of them. I really felt thankful at that moment. I realized that I had some downs, but my family was there and well maybe I should finally take their caring into consideration. Arjun: Hey, wait, Mom put it on channel 59, yes. Mother: Why? Arjun: They're showing the movie Sphere, that was the book I was reading, I guess I'm all done studying if I watch this. Arjun: I am so thankful, Thank God for Movies based off Books. (The lights suddenly dim on the table. The voices all stop. It shows that was the last piece of dialog. The narration starts) Narrator: Well, that was my Thanksgiving, it just goes to show you that well, things may not go good or bad, but hey they were some great times and- (Narrator's voice is cut and suddenly tonight's host Meagan Mullally appears on the set) Megan Mullally: Alright can it Darryl. Look you're in like 1 sketch per episode how about sticking to it. I'm the freaking host and I have not been in the last 3 sketches. Yeah I know, I'm not the best host, but this season who was. You got Jack Black and Kelly Ripa, they are like not even celebrities, they are like just there. Who else was on, oh Al Sharpton, not only did NBC lose ratings they lost their morality. What does Sharpton do that is funny, why do you think Tracy Morgan came back, they needed some comedy. Who else was on this year, ooh, Andy Roddick and that Elijah Wood. Who was stoned when they came up with these flash in the pan stars. Look, I'm really here because someone needs to set the record straight. And since Fallon or Fey aren't coming out of the closet I will do some talking. Look, this is a Thanksgiving sketch, why is it being shown in February. Well, it's because SNL, "courtesy of SNY" is doing a service. February is the worst time of the year. There are no holidays. Cut the crap with Valentines Day, it is a cheap ass holiday. Those holiday specials are meant for the Wintery Crap Fest months like what we are in. I mean the sports right now suck, and to top it off you got more crap award shows coming up. So anyways, we need to promote the holidays from November and December now, in the time when it is necessary. I hope there are more sketches like this. At least something long and hard, no I'm not talking about Sean Hayes. (She pauses for the laughter). Atleast something long and hard was funny. Well, I would say more, but we must get on with the rest of this snore fest. I think we got some repeat commercials from last year coming up, and sorry folks no ex-castmember cameos this week. But don't worry, Will Ferrell will make one of his 7 appearances this season, next week. Rob Schneider will come back in March for no apparent reason. (A piece of Paper is handed to Megan) Megan: Oh, excuse me, it turns out Chris Kattan is here tonight. They found him asleep in the men's room again. (She starts laughing). Like the little midget has a career, Hah. Anyways, so if he isn't reeking of poo, you might see Mr. Peepers tonight. Well, I think we can finally end this very funny sketch. So do us all a favor NBC, please show some holiday specials. I know, you have to compete with CBS's Janet Boob, but a strip tease from La Toya Jackson is not the answer. Drop the boob and stick with the holiday specials. And if you want controversy, I got your controversy. (She goes off the set and onto the backstage area and finds Tina Fey, and she starts to make out with her. After a minute of that. She runs off even more and finds a small baby in a stroller. She grabs and She runs onto the stairs for the top of the building and runs onto the roof of 8H. She throws the baby off the roof) (If you do not know, it is a doll baby, not real) (Then she faces the camera on the roof and flashes her breasts which blocked out from the censors.) Megan: There you go, you have your controversy, I'll probably get into trouble for all the crap I caused, but I gave SNL huge ratings, my career a boost, and I think I love Fey. Well, I did this so we can get back to the traditions of holiday specials. So, uh, well, I guess I'll go now. Uh bye. (The screen fades to black) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
