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Stage Manager.....Jimmy Fallon CBS Representative.....Will Forte Andre 3000.....Finesse Mitchell George Clinton.....Kenan Thompson Britney Spears.....Drew Barrymore (We open with a shot of the Staples Center, and there is a caption in front of the image.) CAPTION: "Wednesday February 4th, Staples Center" (We cut to an area which has the setup of the stage for the Grammys, and all around are people setting up. Then the camera pans to the back of the stage, this is actually the real backstage area of SNL, but it is made to look like the Grammy's backstage. There is a table with a blue cloth over it. Then the stage manager comes into this area. He waits a few seconds and then from another part of the area comes a man in a suit) Manager: Are you the Rep for CBS? CBS Rep: Yeah, let's get this checkup under way. (Sarcastic tone) Manager: Look, I don't want to do this either, but that whole Super Bowl thing, is causing you people some trouble, you want to check the show, now pay the price of having to see how the show will be. CBS Rep: Yeah, but it's just, if these things are a problem, then these types of shows should be put on cable, if everyone hates it. Manager: Oh yeah, lot of people were offended by the Super Bowl stunt, that's why they wanted to use their TIVOs. CBS Rep: Let's just get this over with, how does it look, is it bad, do we have any surprises. Manager: Well, there's one problem with that. You see the artists don't tell us everything that happens, so that the surprise isn't ruined. You have Justin still performing, and Madonna has her thing so, I don't know. CBS Rep: Well, that is not exactly good news. In fact, why don't the artists come down and talk to the execs themselves instead of sending me. Manager: Well, they are celebrities so they feel so good that they don't have go themselves. Lot of stars don't want to not tell us, as some sort of protest, in honor of Janet. CBS Rep: Ok fine, from your knowledge, what do you know about the performances. Manager: Well, there is a tribute to the Beatles, it's to commemorate their performance on the Sullivan show a long time ago. CBS Rep: That's nice, let's keep it clean by filling the people up with nostalgic memories from the 60's and fill their minds with pointless trivia. Manager: I did hear there is a rumor about a guy running in naked with a tattoo of the Beatles on his chest. CBS Rep: Well, now you scared me, is it a rumor, because if it is. Then we should not worry about it. Manager: It could, it could not. I think, we can just skip a rumor one, it will take a lot of work. Oh and, There's a Performance by Prince. CBS Rep: Yes, let's bring the oldies, I don't know how the network stands on the ass crack. He is the one partial to showing it right. Manager: Yeah, but he's performing with Beyonce, and she's a good girl. I think, I hope, uh. CBS Rep: That helps I think, look who's doing the dress rehearsal right now. Manager: Outkast, you can check up on them. (They walk from the backstage area to the stage of the Grammys. The melody from Hey Ya starts to play. The camera pans to show Andre 3000 singing in the front, with no shirt on, and some ladies in background) Andre: Shake it shake, oh yea, shake it like a Polaroid pic- Manager: Um, excuse me Mr. Uh Andre, Mr. 3000. I really don't know what you are calling yourself these days. (The music stops right after he stops talking) Andre: No one really knows. I been called a lot of things, usually it's the skinny guy from Outkast. No, here is my favorite, hey you're the black rapper who is a cross dresser. Manager: Look, can you tell us what you are going to do for your performance. I got a guy from CBS here to check up on the show. Andre: Oh, I don't know, just singing this freakin song Hey Ya. God how many times do have I keep asking "What's cooler than being Cool". Why can't people get tired. Well, there is nothing really fancy, I do have dancers, what else. I'll probably have some costumes or something. Look, that reminds me, how is the wardrobe bill, do you guys pay for it, now or later. Manager: Look, we are trying to keep it clean this year so a that would involve getting out of date costumes, so that way it's safe and cheap. Andre: So are you paying for my costumes or what? Manager: No, you know how big this Super Bowl thing has cost us. We also lost a lot from those crap commercials. Andre: But I liked that one with the farting horse. (The music starts up again) Andre: Hey Ya, Hey ya, oh oh, shake it uh oh, shake it uh oh. (The two go back to the backstage area they stop in front of a table which has been draped by a table cloth, and continue to talk) CBS Rep: Well, that was productive. Manager: You know what will shut Outkast up, some awards. They are winning them tonight, finally, the board realized that if you give people awards, the music stops. CBS Rep: Whatever, do you know anything else. Because, I'm really getting pissed now. Manager: Well, there is a tribute to funk, I don't know how inappropriate that can get. (Just then George Clinton walks by) George Clinton: We want the funk, jus gimme that funk, oh we want thes funkkk, give back the funk. (After that last word his speech becomes really slurred. He stops suddenly) George Clinton: Yu knows, I'm too old, I just want to sleep. (He looks really dizzy and then he then falls to the ground. There is no sign of getting up.) (The two of them just look at the floor, but make no motion of trying to get help) Manager: Well, I don't think we have to worry about the Funk performance being inappropriate. CBS Rep: Yeah, that's one out of all of them. Manager: Hey, how bad can Outkast get, what is so inappropriate about Hey Ya. Look, you should tell those CBS people. That Janet, is not coming. Britney, well, she is not even invited or nominated or anything. (At that moment, Britney Spears comes out from under the table) Britney: You mean I am not invited. Manager: Uh, coz of the controversey, and why are you under there.. Britney: Well, I can't stay at my house, I mean, what a year it has been so far. My wedding, and now they think I had something to do with the Super Bowl. The paparazzi has hounded me enough. I thought that if I go to the Staples Center, I would be safe. I mean no one comes here, the Lakers suck. But why aren't I allowed for the show. (She starts to have a whimpering face) Manager: No, I am just a lowly manager, go through your agent and our head man if you want to talk. Cause all I know is without you, a lot less controversy. (Britney sadly just walks off) CBS Rep: Well, I certainly have gathered up a lot of info. (Sarcastically) Manager: Yeah, well even if something happens, they will not get angry at you. CBS Rep: Yeah, but if there are any more problems there will be major lawsuits and major financial problems. CBS is losing their shows anyways. How long do you think Raymond will be on the air. We have no other shows, oh wait we have Charlie Sheen. Manager: Yeah that will help (sarcastically), but we also will get the heat, in fact CBS, will cut some of our funds, and then well, they make our entire staff watch the Early Show. CBS Rep: You know what, screw them, they should not just throw someone like me around and make me go do their dirty work. Nice talking to you, but I am outta here. Manager: Wait, I got, I know what can save all our behinds. We can put the Grammys on a 5 minute delay. CBS Rep: Like CBS will go for that, doing that, will just lose the awards' sense of being live. Manager: Just tell the guys at CBS, that live shows aren't any better, in fact they suck. CBS Rep: You're right, I mean look at Saturday Night Live. Manager: Yeah, I mean look at them, their stuff is not as funny, because they are restricted to one set, and top it off they fumble their lines so much. CBS Rep: Yeah, that fat guy, he fumbles up so much. He is like their worst fat player. Manager: No, that fat guy isn't the worst. That Jimmy Fallon dude, he fumbles his lines up, so many times. How the hell did they pick him to do Weekend Update. CBS Rep: Yeah, you're right. Hey thanks for all your help, I'll pitch this to the guys at CBS, man this is a great idea. Manager: Yeah, and now we are covered if there are any screw ups. CBS Rep: Yeah, hey I gotta get out of here. I have other places to be. Manager: Hey see you around. (They say another round of byes, and then they walk off in separate directions. The screen fades to black) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
