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.....Christina Aguilera Record Producer #1.....Chris Parnell Terry Jacks.....Fred Armisen Record Producer #2.....Will Forte Modern Day Terry Jacks.....Terry Jacks (special guest appearance) (Fade in; host stands at home base) Christina Aguilera: Hello, my name is Christina Aguilera. You know, a lot has been made about me. How I went from singing about being a genie in a bottle to singing about getting dirty. So, with that, I want to take a moment to address the issue…of me being such a whore! I want you to understand that this is not the first time this has happened in the music industry. A lot of singers and artists go down this path. We get sick of being ‘bubblegum’. So here’s a little history lesson. This is just a summary of artists that have gone bad. The Go-Go’s! The sang about having the beat and about their lips being sealed but at one point during their success, they filmed a dirty video where the girls had a crazy late night party that…didn’t involve any sex but a lot of drunken chatter about sex and masturbation. Adam Ant! He sang about ‘goodie two shoes’ but years later he was arrested for indecent exposure and throwing rampages in public. But it wasn’t until just this week, early recording sessions of Terry Jacks were found that proved that “Seasons In The Sun” was, in Jacks’ mind, something other than what it was. We here would now like to present these recording sessions of Terry Jacks as a remark to all the critics who think I’m shocking. Get off my back; I’m just following in the footsteps of my idols. Enjoy! (Camera fades to old videotape quality) (Camera fades into up close camera shots of Terry Jacks and record producers) Record Producer #1: Okay, Terry. We are going to be rolling on this, so give us some pure energy on this take! Terry Jacks: Okay. You got it! (Terry Jacks begins singing his ‘original’ version of “Season In The Sun”) We had sex, we had sex, we had unprotected sex, but the sex that was the best was the public hardcore sex. Record Producer #1: Terry, do you really think that’s what you want sing? Record Producer #2: Yeah, Terry. I think we should try something different. Terry Jacks: Okay, I’m ready. Roll tape! (Terry sings another version of “Seasons In The Sun”) We made love, we made love, we made sweet, sweet love but the love that was the best was the “people standing in a circle, watching us make love”. Record Producer #2: Terry that was better. Record Producer #1: I’m still not sure about that. Terry Jacks: Okay. (Terry sings another version of “Seasons In The Sun”) We had an orgy, we had an orgy, we had a crazy, crazy orgy… Record Producer #1: (Cuts off singing) Terry, please stop! (Terry stops singing) Terry Jacks: Is something wrong guys? Record Producer #2: Terry, I’m sorry but either rewrite the song completely or we can’t put out this record. (Camera cuts to modern day Terry Jacks) Modern Day Terry Jacks: When they said my song was not acceptable, I was appalled! They really hurt my ego and I really wanted to put out more music so, I went home and I was reading my mail and I received a letter from a childhood friend and within 15 minutes, I wrote what would become the best known version of “Seasons In The Sun”. People may never remember the name Terry Jacks, but they will always remember “Seasons In The Sun”. (Modern Day Terry Jacks begins to sing his favorite alternative version of “Seasons In The Sun”) We had sex, we had sex, we had unprotected sex, but the sex that was the best was the public hardcore sex. (Camera shot fades back to Aguilera at home base) Christina Aguilera: Terry Jacks spends his days collecting royalties from “Seasons In The Sun” and writing songs for the likes of Snoop Dogg and Nelly. Here’s a little unknown fact, early written versions of my song “Dirrty” were written by Terry Jacks. Who knew? Well that’s it. Thank you for listening and watching. Good night and enjoy the rest of the show. (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
