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.....Christina Aguilera Doctor Krabbs.....Maya Rudolph Doctor Kunille.....Jimmy Fallon Doctor Langus.....Will Forte [Open to two male doctors, (Kunille {Fallon} and Langus {Forte} sitting at a round, in lab coats looking at open medical folders. Doctor Krabbs [Rudolph] enters dressed the same holding a medical file.] Krabbs: Based on our examination, and a careful review of recent studies, I have to confirm what we’ve all feared. Clitoral piercings do in fact enlarge with time, as is the case with our client (a pause as she glances at the medical folder) Christina Aguilera. The problem with Ms. Aguilera is that her numerous venereal diseases have combined and mutated, creating a black hole. If the hole reaches specific dimensions, which we discussed earlier, it is entirely possibly that it would consume the planet. Kunille: What does this mean? Langus: It means if we can’t figure out a solution, we’ll be spending our last days inside Christina Aguilera’s hoo-ha. Krabbs: You’re the best in your field, and I’m leaving you to figure this out. The world lies in your hands…or in her cooch. You decide. (Turns dramatically and leaves) Kunille: Wow. Langus: I know, there's a possibilty that we would spend the rest of our adult lives inside a vagina. (A beat as they ponder this idea) Kunille: To be honest...that doesn't... Langus: Sound like a bad idea. Kunille: But, you know, realistically speaking we should figure out a way to stop her "special place" from going all death star on us; and save the world as we know it. Langus: Of course. Kunille: So..what are we going to do? Langus: The only thing we can: thoroughly consider our options. Kunille: As in... Langus: We know how the world runs now, so we don't really need to think about that. But we do need to keep our minds open. Kunille: O-kay... Langus: For instance, if we’re going to be relocating we need to consider the where we're moving to, what kind of neighborhood, how much the rent is. Are we going to look for a newer neighborhood and pay through the nose, find something vintage and take in the ass, or find a nice neighborhood with just enough trailer trash in it to be affordable? Kunille: I see what you’re saying. You’ve got to consider the demographic. For instance, is it going to be hot and dry like Arizona or heavy and humid like Florida? Langus: Do you want to live by the smooth sandy beaches? Kunille: Or prefer the grasslands. Langus: Either way, I hate the mountains. Kunille: I know! I do not want be look out of my backyard and see a hard, earthen crag. Langus: I’ve also always thought it was important to consider the school district. It really changes the whole feel of the community. Kunille: And the amount of old people hanging around. Langus: Of course. Kunille: And you’ve got check your cable provider, and make sure you get good service. I just don’t think I could live without Tivo. Langus: So true, so true. Kunille: Well, I think it’s clear then. Langus: Based on our examinatin of the living spa - I mean, client earlier. Kunille: Compared to live now. Langus: It's our only alternative. Kunille: I just don’t see another way. Langus: Alright. I'll get the patient. [Doctor Langus walks to the door, opens it and motions to come in.] Langus: We've finished our analysis and are ready for you. [Christina enters the room along with Doctor Krabbs; Doctor Krabbs has a reassuring hand upon her back. Christina is readjusting the buttons her blouse as if she’s just changed out of a medical robe.] Christina: So, what are we going to do? [Doctor Kunille and Doctor Langus exchange glances.] Kunille: We’ve discussed every aspect pertaining to the situation at hand. Langus: And come to the only logical explanation and - [Christina braces herself, scared for the worst] Kunille: We were thinking about moving in around the 12th. Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
