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Announcer.....Don Pardo President Bush.....Chris Parnell White House Page.....Fred Armisen Announcer: Saturday Night Live, normally seen at this time, will be delayed so we can bring you the following address from the President of the United States, George W. Bush. (Camera fades close up on President Bush) President Bush: Good evening, my fellow Americans. So, I guess the primaries are finally over. Thank god! I don’t think I could have stood another minute watching Reverend Al ranting and raving about nothing. Or, Dennis Kucinich, finally, Dennis can go back to what he knows best…selling tires at Goodyear! So, I guess its John Kerry! Let’s look at John Kerry. (A White House page presents a picture of John Kerry) John Kerry, a tall gray haired white guy. You already have one in office, why not just re-elect me. It just doesn’t make sense. His morals and ethics are just as messed up as mine. Once again, why don’t you just vote for me? So, let’s recap. The Democratic candidate is John Kerry, someone who looks and acts just like me. I’m starting to feel like Arnold Schwarznegger in “The 6th Day”. Someone who looks, acts and talks just like me has taken my place. Futuristic…Compelling…Confusing. Enough of that, on to other more serious subjects! Gay Marriage. I, personally, think that any one person should be allowed to marry another person, just as long as they are of the opposite sex and the one with the penis makes more money than the other, just like it states in “The Bible”. However, some guy who looks like me, John Kerry, said that he is signing an amendment that officially outlaws gay marriage. White House Page: Mr. President, you said that, not John Kerry. President Bush: What? Damn, this is confusing! Who ever said that, whether it was John Kerry or myself, one thing is abundantly clear, we look like who could be twins. No wonder the polls show Kerry and myself tied for the presidency. Gay marriage, it’s a sore subject in politics and in Elton John’s bedroom, but the fact remains the same, if you’re “a gay”, you can just look in the mirror and masturbate to yourself. It works, my buddy Tony Blair showed me. So, that’s what I wanted to speak to you about. Gay marriage, John Kerry says it’s wrong. Or did I say that? It’s doesn’t matter. I’m John Kerry, good night, America and god bless and “live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!” Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
