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Announcer…Will Forte Jay C…Chris Parnell …Janet Jackson Ron Jeremy…Horatio Sanz Bill Maher…Seth Meyers Roman Polanski…Fred Armisen R. Kelly…Finesse Mitchell Justin Timberlake…Jimmy Fallon Tom Ridge…Darrell Hammond (Camera fades in on an interview TV show stage) (Corey Hart’s “Sunglasses At Night” plays in the background) Announcer: And now, it’s time for “SPIKE TV’s The Jay – C Show”! Greasy Guy from “Pedophile Weekly” went and got himself his own show here on the only network for men…and now here he is…the poor man’s Carson Daly…Jay C! (A greasy, goonie looking guy enters the stage) Jay C: Hello, I’m Jay C and I wear my sunglasses at night! Welcome to my show! Tonight, we have a great guest for our very first episode of the Jay-C show. Tonight’s guest has sold millions of records and has made a name for herself as an actress. Please put your hands together for Ms. Janet Jackson! (Janet Jackson enters the stage, walks up shakes Jay C’s hand) Thanks for coming on my show. Janet Jackson: It’s good to be here. My agent didn’t tell me much about what this show was, because it’s your first show, but I’m glad to be here, anyways. Jay C: Well, I’m really, extremely glad to have you on the show! Now, I understand you have a new album out. Janet Jackson: Yes, that’s right it’s called “Damita Jo”. It’s available at all record stores, now. Jay C: So, you’re on my show…I have to ask you, when are you going to show your other breast. Nearly 3 billion people saw your right one, when are you going to show us your left one! Janet Jackson: You know, I’ve been on several television interview shows since the whole ‘boob’ incident…and I have yet to show my breasts or breast, singular. And, if you don’t stop your kind of questioning, I will walk right off this stage! Jay C: Why don’t we take a commercial break and come back. (Fade out) (A Spike TV promo runs) Announcer: On this week’s “Pedophile Weekly”, Bill Maher and Roman Polanski offer some advice to R. Kelly. Bill Maher: R, look at me…I have sex with Asian whores, does that bother me? No, I didn’t think so! Roman Polanski: I had sex with a 13-year-old girl, does it matter? No…I’m an accomplished director…you’re an accomplished singer…don’t let it bother you. R. Kelly: Maybe you’re right, guys. Announcer: “Pedophile Weekly”, this Friday only on SPIKE TV! (Another Spike TV promo runs) Ron Jeremy: Hey, I’m Ron Jeremy and you’re watching SPIKE TV, the only network for men! (Spike TV promo ends) (Camera fades in on the Jay-C show stage) Jay C: We’re back. I have promised Janet that I will not ask any more questions about the boob incident, so she can talk about her new album. Janet, go ahead. Janet Jackson: Well, my new album is a lot more fuller and a lot more quality of variety of sounds that were not on my pervious… (Jay C falls into an imaginary vision where Janet’s belly button does the movement in speech) (Jay C laughs at the belly button; Janet stops speaking to catch Jay C’s attention) Janet Jackson: Jay C, are you okay? It’s almost seems like you’re even listening to me. Jay C: No, I’m fine. (Janet starts talking again; Jay C imagines Janet’s cleavage doing the speaking) (Jay C laughs at the cleavage) Janet Jackson: Jay C, are you okay? I’m not even saying anything remotely funny and you are laughing at what I’m saying. As a matter a fact, what I’m saying about my brother Michael is quite serious. Jay C: No, I’m fine. (Janet starts to speak again but notices that Jay C is just staring at her breasts) Janet Jackson: Jay C, stop staring at my tits! Stop it! (Jay C starts laughing devilishly) Janet Jackson: That’s it! I’m leaving! Jay C: No, wait…we have a surprise for you. Justin Timberlake is backstage…since you are singing a song with him on your new album, I figured…you know, why not give her a surprise when she comes on the show. (Justin Timberlake comes on to the stage) Justin Timberlake: Janet and I are going to sing a song now, called, “Ending all the Hype” (Justin rips Janet shirt nearly exposing her left breast) (A Homeland Security bumper appears on the screen) Announcer: We interrupt this program for an address from Tom Ridge. Tom Ridge: Hello, the terror alert is now at level orange…thank you. Announcer: We now return to your regular programming, already in progress. (Camera cuts Jay C with a shitty grin on his face) Jay C: Well this has been an exciting episode of “The Jay C Show”! I want to thank my guests Janet Jackson and her left boob and…Justin Timberlake. Good night and we’ll see you next week…here on the only network for men, SPIKE TV! (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
