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Mother.....Rachel Dratch Father.....Will Forte Pitchman.....Chris Parnell INT. GROCERY STORE – DAY MOTHER (Dratch) and FATHER (Forte) look at baby food on shelves. Father: (holding two jars) What does Joey like more, blueberry or blackberry? Mother: Oh, I don’t think he can tell the difference. They’re both so bland… [The pitchman (Parnell) approaches.] Pitchman: They are, aren’t they? (turns to camera) Are you sick of buying tasteless baby food for your little one? You don’t have to be…anymore. Introducing… [Shot of jar of baby food being held up by the pitchman.] Pitchman V/O: Maronga brand pre-chewed, pre-digested baby food. [Cut to shot of pitchman speaking to camera.] Pitchman: In each jar of Maronga, you’ll child will enjoy the rich taste of creamy, processed fruits…specially pre-chewed and pre-digested by animals. [Cut to shot of a large factory implement mixing baby food.] Pitchman V/O: See, machines make baby food insipid and flavorless. [Cut to shot of a squirrel eating a berry in a cage.] Pitchman V/O: But the excretory system of our forest’s most wonderful creatures ages and refines wild berries and fruits… [Cut to shot of a small piece of poo in the cage, and hands reaching in to sift through it.] Pitchman: …making every jar of Maronga baby food taste like the essence of nature itself. [Cut to grocery store. The mother and father are now looking at Maronga products.] Father: (holding two jars) Does Joey prefer Ferret Blueberry or Skunk Blackberry? Mother: (smiles) I think he likes them all, dear! [The pitchman approaches, speaking to the camera.] Pitchman: (laughs lightly) Maronga brand baby food…because if it doesn’t come from the anus of an animal…it’s not good baby food. Pitchman V/O: (quickly) Also available…Rat Rhubarb, Opossum Cherry, and Dung Mite Applesauce. Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
