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Man.....Darrel Hammond Announcer.....Chris Parnell Wife.....Amy Poehler Black Man.....Finesse Mitchell Black Woman.....Maya Rudolph (Scene opens in a laboratory, the announcer is in a white lab coat holding a pack of Wrigley's Boner-mint Gum in his right hand.) Announcer: Things haven't been "normal" lately. Your sex life has about as much excitement as a professional soccer game, and something you've been chewing all your life can change that. That's right, from the makers of Viagra, it's Wrigley's Boner-mint Gum. The chewing gum laced with the medicine contained in Viagra, that will freshen your breath as well as your sex life. (Cut to the man & his wife in bed, the wife is dressed in a provocative teddy and is nibbling on his ear.) Wife: Yea baby I'm sooo hot, why don't you give it to me like you used to. Man: Oh yea baby, you are gonna get it… I hope you're ready to uhhhhh….ummmmm…. wait that's my phone, work must need me… (He gets out of bed and runs to answer the supposed cell phone call) Wife: (Looking at camera) Why can't I get any? I wish someone would make a product that restored my husband's sex drive & freshened his breath. Announcer V/O: Wrigley's Boner Mint gum guarantees to restore your sex drive and freshen your husband's breath, or we will pay your divorce settlement. (Cut to a bedroom scene of a young black couple in bed, the wife is rubbing her husband's chest seductively.) Black Woman: C'mon baby, why come you ain't been wantin' any lately? Black Man: Bitch watch your lip before I slap yo ass, and you betta not try and slip me none of that Viagra gum eitha, or I'll chop you up and cook yo stanky ass with some grits. Announcer V/O: Wrigley's boner-mint gum might not be for everyone. If your husband is a violent wife beater, you may want to consult your step brother Leron for your protection before switching it with your husbands regular chewing gum. (Cut to scene of the white husband discovering a pack of the gum in his pajama pocket while getting ready for bed. He becomes enraged with the discovery.) Man: Bitch it's on now, you are gonna see a side of me you've never seen before (Cut to shot of the wife cowering behind her bedroom door.) Wife: Oh please honey, I just wanted to have a better sex life and though you could use a little help that's all. Man: I don't need any help woman, you're just to ugly to get me excited…(Kicking in door) Now get ready to feel the pain!!! Announcer V/O: You also might not want to attempt to use Wrigley's boner-mint gum if you are an ugly bitch, just face the fact that your husband can't get it up due to your stretch mark riddled pasty body. (Cut to a split screen shot of both couples in their respective bedrooms. Both woman are bound and gagged while their enraged husbands are holding large knives to their wives throats.) Both husbands (simultaneously talking to their wives) See you in hell you ugly gum switchin' bitch! Announcer V/O: Wrigley's boner-mint gum, please don't use this gum if you are an ugly bitch. (A disclaimer appears on the bottom of the screen that states " Even if you are borderline ugly please play it safe and don't use this product." As we …) Fade out. Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
