|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Orientation Leader.....Lindsey Lohan Student 1.....Rachel Dratch Student 2.....Seth Meyers Student 3.....Jimmy Fallon University President.....Darrel Hammond (Interior, Lobby of a college dorm. A group of students is gathered around a resident advisor, as played by Lindsey Lohan.) Orientation Leader: Hey everybody, welcome to Western College. I'm Mollie, I'm one of this building's resident advisors. I am here for you. Okay? Cool. Now I know you all picked Western for the same reason I did, it's a totally cool place, totally progressive, totally activist minded. Student 1: Mollie, I think I'm bi-curious. Orientation Leader: Awesome. Okay. Now there's no rules in this dorm, but we are all about a strong suggestion of personal responsibility. Questions? Student 2: Mollie, I can't find my room assignment. Orientation Leader: Okay, that's because you don't have one. We totally share everything here. Student 2: So what do I do? Sleep in a different place every night? That's just insane. Orientation Leader: Okay, first of all, we don't use that word. Secondly, who are you to not validate the lifestyle choices of vagrants and hobos? Right? Be a bit more open-minded. Student 3: Yeah, more open-minded. You're so cute when you're right, Mollie. Orientation Leader: Okay, we have some events coming up for orientation week. Tomorrow is Safe Sex Night where we learn about all the techniques you can use and then immediately put them into practice. Student 2: And the administration is cool with this? Orientation Leader: The President of the College himself supports us. University President: (Dressed in very obvious club-kid drag) I learn something new every year. Orientation Leader: I expect to see all of you there having safer sex. If you're not having safer sex, I'm going to have to show you how. Student 1: Mollie, I just turned bisexual. Orientation Leader: Awesome. Student 3: Mollie, I totally have the hots for you. Is there any rule against regular students hooking up with R.A.s? Orientation Leader: Okay, cool. I totally applaud you for your directness and straightforwardness. And like I said, there are no rules. That being said, you don't have a chance. Student 3: And I applaud your straightforwardness as well. Student 2: Is that a joint? Mollie, he's smoking a joint. Student 3: Narc. Orientation Leader: Hey, what did I say about there being no rules? Student 2: But this is federal law. He's breaking federal law. Orientation Leader: Yeah, a federal law that's totally whack. Which brings me to the next point. Western College has as of this semester, declared itself a sovereign nation. You are all citizens of Western College and are expected to serve two years in our military. Student 3: Hey, what about the no rules thing? Orientation Leader: You don't have to do it all at once! There's a sign up sheet at the co-op. Student 1: Mollie, I'm lesbian now. Orientation Leader: Awesome. (fade) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
