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Guy.....Horatio Sanz Woman.....Amy Poehler Diner.....Chris Parnell .....Rachel Dratch President George W. Bush.....Will Forte John Kerry.....Seth Meyers [ open on Guy step up to a bank of payphones, picking up the receiver in front of him ] [ Guy dials payphone ] [ payphone in next booth rings, as Woman answers ] Guy: I lowered my cholesterol. [ Woman makes a disgusted face and hangs up her payphone before walking away ] [ cut to: Guy knocks on window outside restaurant, distracting a diner ] [ the diner looks up, as Guy holds up a sign that reads "I Lowered My Cholesterol!" ] [ the diner raises his arm to drop the blinds and block his view of Guy ] [ cut to: Guy sitting on massage chair in the mall next to Vendor ] Guy: Iiiiii looooooweeeeerrrrred myyyyy chooooooleeeeeestttttterrrrrrollll... [ Vendor pulls the plug on Guy's massage chair ] [ cut to: Guy approaching President George W. Bush on the street ] Guy: Hey, I lowered my cholesterol. President George W. Bush: Congratulations. I'm George W. Bush, and I captured Saddam. [ awkward pause ] Guy: So? Who gives a f(bleep)? [ cut to box of Cheerios on kitchen table with a bowl of cereal and a pitcher of milk ] Announcer: Cheerios. Who gives a f(beep)? [ tiny box opens in bottom-right corner of screen ] John Kerry: I'm John Kerry.. and I approved this message. [ SUPER: "Approved by John Kerry" ] [ fade ] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
