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Announcer.....Jim Downey The MC.....Horatio Sanz Ralph Nader.....Jimmy Fallon Heckler.....Finesse Mitchell .....Snoop Dogg Announcer: Welcome to “Road To The White House”. This week we look at third party candidate Ralph Nader as his campaign gets off to a running start. Our Road to the White House camera was at an Open Mic in Newark, New Jersey as Ralph Nader attempted to address the masses. The MC: Hello, I’m “Squeeze Box” and our next act is ready to come to the stage. If you are interested to know more about him, he will be at the bus station after the show. (Reads information off index card) He’s one of the candidates for President of the United States. His name is Ralph Nader. (Ralph Nader enters the stage) Ralph Nader: (in a very monotone voice) Hello. My name is Ralph Nader. I am running for President… (Cut off by heckler) Heckler: (Shouting) President of what, jerk-off?! Ralph Nader: (in a very monotone voice) Excuse me sir; I’m trying to speak here. I don’t come down to where you work and knock the “man member” out of your mouth. Anyhow, what I was saying was that I’m running for president of the United States. On a serious note, I believe that the current administration should be removed. George W. Bush and Dick Cheney should be impeached for two reasons…but first, I think it’s only natural that I announce who my vice presidential running mate is. Do you folks want to know? Heckler: (Shouting) It’s probably someone stupid like Walter Mondale. Ralph Nader: No, sir, it’s not. Mondale passed. He’s one of the most popular hip-hop rappers of the day. Please welcome, Snoop Dogg. Come on up, Snoop. (Snoop Dogg enters the stage) Snoop Dogg: Yo, fa-rizzle my shizzle nizzle, Ralph Nadizzle! Ralph Nader: Those are some dope words coming from you, Snoop. Okay, now that you’ve met my vice presidential running mate, I want to finish was I was saying before. George W. Bush and Dick Cheney should be impeached for two reasons. One, they led the United States into an illegal and unconstitutional war in Iraq, where hundreds of thousands of American soldiers have been killed. And two, they misled the congress and the American people with five falsehoods that led to war. Heckler: (Shouting) We don’t care about that…let’s here Snoop Dogg sing some beats! Ralph Nader: Okay. Snoop and I worked up some so-called beats. Hit it, DJ! (Snoop Dogg and Ralph Nader begin to rap over one of Snoop’s beats) Ralph Nader: Ahh-haaa! Snoop Dogg: Get your political glass; cuz Ralphie N is a blast from the past Ralph Nader: I’m from the old school, yo! (Grabs his crotch) I’ve got the economic tool, yo! Snoop Dogg: You didn’t think he would be running, again. Nader & Snoop up in this election, yahhh. Ralph Nader: We’re gonna president and vice it up like Kennedy, baby Snoop Dogg: Get your vote, get your vote, we’re about to take the White House, yo! Ralph Nader: Yeah, yeah, it’s like Chris Rock flick and…(grabs his crotch again) guess what Dick Cheney can lick my slick. Snoop Dogg: Vote Ralphie N in November O-4, he’ll bring some style to the eastern shore! Ralph Nader: Ralphie Nader and Snoop Dogg in November – bitches! Announcer: This has been “Road To The White House”. Next week on “Road To The White House”, John Kerry will select his vice presidential running mate. Will it be John Edwards? Will it be Joe Lieberman? Or will it be American Idol’s William Hung? Join us next week for the decision. Thank you for watching. Up next, President Bush discusses the death of soldiers in Iraq and “that other one”. Good night! (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
