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Ed...Chris Parnell Matt...Jimmy Fallon Dana Jones...Mary-Kate Olsen Debra Jones...Ashley Olsen Waiter...Seth Meyers [Scene: Ed and Matt's apartment; Ed and Matt are both getting dressed] Ed: So, you got any plans? Matt: Yeah, I've got a date tonight. Ed: Hey, me too. I'm taking her to a restaurant and then the new Hugh Jackman movie. Matt: I'm doing the restaurant thing too. Don't know where we'll go afterwards. [Scene: The Jones' home; Dana Jones and Debra Jones, twins, are talking] Dana Jones: Yeah, I'm going out with that guy in my BIO 420 class. We're going to a restaurant and then seeing "Van Helsing." Debra Jones: Cool. We're doing the whole restaurant thing, but I don't know what we're doing after that. Oh yeah, I told Matt to pick me up out back. Dana Jones: Great. I told Ed to pick me up in the front. Did you tell Matt that you're a twin? Debra Jones: Didn't occur to me. Did you? Dana Jones: No. It shouldn't make a difference, right? Debra Jones: Right. [Scene: An Italian restaurant; Ed and Dana Jones are seated in a booth on one side of the restaurant (next to the entrance), Matt and Debra Jones are seated on the other side of the restaurant (next to the bathroom)] Dana Jones: I've heard great things about this place. Ed: Me too. Can you tell the waiter my order? I've got to go to the bathroom. Dana Jones: Sure. Ed: I'll be right back. (leaves, walking past Matt and Debra's table without seeing them) Debra Jones: My friend said "Van Helsing" is good. Should we see that? Matt: Sure. (pauses) Oh great, I think I left my wallet in the car. I'll be right back. (leaves, walking past Ed and Dana's table. Dana is obscured by the waiter.) Dana Jones: And he'll have the "Garfield's Lasagna" with extra "Nermal sauce." Waiter: Great. I'll bring out the salads in a few minutes. Dana Jones: Thanks. Could you tell me where the bathroom is? Waiter: (points) Right over there. Dana Jones: Thanks. (leaves and goes to the bathroom without noticing her sister) [A few moments later, Ed returns from the bathroom and sees Debra Jones sitting alone at her table] Ed: (surprised) Oh, you switched tables? I guess it was a little chilly in that corner. (sits down) So, maybe after the movie, we can go back to my place, crank up the Barry Manilow, and let nature take it's course... Debra Jones: (surprised) Who the heck are you? Ed: Oh, we're playing hard to get are we? (puts his hands on her) Debra Jones: Get your hands off me, jerk! (punches him in the face) [Matt returns from the parking lot and sees Ed fighting with Debra Jones] Matt: (surprised) What the heck is going on here? Debra Jones: (angry) This guy tried to get fresh with me! Matt: (looks at the guy) Ed?! What the heck are you trying to do to my date? Ed: (surprised) Matt?! What do you mean your date? She's MY date! (grabs Debra's arm) Come on, we're leaving! Matt: (quietly) I don't think so... [Matt lunges at Ed and they fight; A few moments later, Dana Jones returns from the bathroom and notices the commotion] Dana Jones: What's going on? (shocked) Matt? What are you doing?! (notices her sister) Debra? What are you doing here? Debra Jones: Dana? (understanding) Guys, wait, I think I understand what's going on... (They continue fighting, ignoring the girls', and Matt winds up snapping Ed's neck) Dana Jones: (screaming) You killed him! Matt: (shouting) And that was for always making fun of my My Little Pony collection! (looks up at the two girls) Wow, he must have really hit me hard. I'm seeing double! (rubs his eyes) Hey, wait, there really are two of you? (looks at Ed's dead body) Crap... (The waiter rushes to the scene) Waiter: What in the world happened here? Dana Jones: We were both on dates with these guys. He confused my sister for me, and he killed the guy that was actually going out with her. Waiter: (scratches his head) Well, I can honestly say that this has never happened before. Debra Jones: Oh, I'm so embarrassed, I'm beside myself! [The twins laugh at the joke, and then everyone in the restaurant starts laughing as we fade out] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
