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Dr.Snatch.....Scarlett Johansson .....Tina Fey Billy Fey.....Fred Armisen Clevon.....Finesse Mitchell Tyrone.....Kenan Thompson [Tina Fey stands at home base] Tina: Hello, I’m here to apologize for the following sketch. You see, my mother had this idea that my cousin Billy, who has taken my name despite being on my mother’s side of the family in order to leech off my success, has any kind of talent and suggested...nagged me to put him on the show. I eventually gave in, so here he is. Once again, I sincerely apologize to Lorne, to NBC, to you the viewer. [Billy sits in a chair in front of a black wall with “Billy’s Corner” written in a large gold font] Don Pardo: And now Billy’s Corner, with Billy Fey. Billy: Thank you Don Pardo. Hey, you know your initials are DP? (Laughs) Ok, I’m Billy Fey. I’m Tina’s talented, popular, attractive cousin. Anyway, with this being the first of many Billy’s Corner shows, I’ve worked hard to produce a memorable skit that is both hilarious and thought-provoking. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the following. [Dr. Snatch is sitting in a chair with Tyrone and Clevon sitting on a couch in front of her.] Dr. Snatch: So Tyrone, why don’t you start? Tyrone: Well Dr. Snatch, my grandpa and I have always had a good relationship, but lately, things just haven’t been working out. Dr. Snatch: How exactly? Tyrone: Well you see, how do I say this, recently he hasn’t been able to perform. Dr. Snatch: Perform what? Tyrone: You know. Perform in the bedroom. Dr. Snatch: Oh... so by perform, you mean... Tyrone: What do you think I mean? Dr. Snatch: Uh well.... Clevon: Listen doc, the problem is not all my fault. Maybe if a certain someone cut down on trips to the Whitecastle, I’d be more inclined to perform. Tyrone: And what is that supposed to mean? Clevon: It mean you a chubby fatass. Dr. Snatch: Now let’s not resort to name-calling. Clevon: Sorry miss. Tyrone: Well at least I can control my bodily functions. He’s probably crapped himself already. [Clevon smacks Tyrone] Dr. Snatch: Both of you stop it! Clevon and Tyrone: Sorry Dr. Snatch: All right. Well now that we know what you dislike about each other, tell me what made you guys...like each other. Clevon: I like that he had a long hard dong and could last for long periods of time. Dr. Snatch: .....um, and you, Tyrone? Tyrone: He got me laid. Dr. Snatch: So are you guys attracted to each other on a purely sexual level, or is there more to it? [Tyrone and Clevon are stunned] Clevon: You think we have sex with each other? We're both men! Tyrone: Why would I do my grandpa? That’s sick. Dr. Snatch: But you both talked about performing in the bedroom, and each other’s penises. Clevon: We are pornographers. We film ourselves having sex with slutty young white chicks. Dr. Snatch: Oh. Tyrone: Hey grandpa, I bet you could perform on this chick uh? Clevon: (laughs) I think so. This cracka’s so hot, the sight of yo fatass is tolerable. Dr. Snatch: What are you guys talking about? Clevon: How would you like to get nasty with two brothas on camera? Dr. Snatch: Eww no. Please leave. Tyrone: Well if you ever reconsider, here’s our card. [hands her a card] [Tyrone and Clevon walk out the door and down the hall.] Clevon: Imagine that crazy bitch thought we were sexin' up each other. Tyrone: Yeah that’s just wrong. Clevon: After I knocked up yo mom, I quit the family sex. Tyrone: What?! [fade to Billy’s Corner set] Billy: Well what did you think? I’ll be back soon with a new installment of Billy’s Corner. Goodnight America! Don Pardo: This has been Billy’s Corner. Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
