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Alex Trebek.....Chris Parnell Ken Jennings.....Seth Meyers Rosa.....Maya Rudolph (The scene opens up on Alex Trebek in his mansion home sipping on a glass of bourbon.) Alex Trebek: Ahh! (Alex’s house servant walks into the room. Rosa: Uh excuse me Mr. Trebek there is someone at the door for you. Alex Trebek: Do I know them? Rosa: Um, yes, Mr. Trebek. Alex Trebek: Oh good, Sajak must be here. I kicked his ass again in the ratings this month. Rosa: Oh, it is not him. Alex Trebek: Whatever. As long as that A-hole Philbin ain't at the door, go ahead and show them in. Rosa: Yes sir, Mr. Trebek. (Rosa heads out of the room and in comes Ken Jennings) Ken Jennings: HELLOOO! Alex Trebek: Oh Jesus Christ! Ken Jennings: Hi Alex Alex Trebek: (pissed off) Hello, Jennings. Ken Jennings: You got a nice pad. Alex Trebek: Thanks. Usually, the contestants of my show aren’t around long enough to visit my house. But you just can’t seem to leave. Ken Jennings: What can I say; I just keep getting all the right answers. Alex Trbek: Well, that’s just great, Ken. I guess the Mormons finally have something that they can be proud of. Ken Jennings: And what exactly is that supposed to mean? Alex Trebek: Oh, come on, Jennings, you get to have as many damn wives as you want. How the hell does that make us other guys look? “Come on, honey, the Mormons get to sleep with a whole bunch of women.” Do you think Kobe would be in the trouble he is now if he was a Mormon? Ken Jennings: What is no? Alex Trebek: YOU’RE NOT ON THE SHOW RIGHT NOW, YOU IDIOT! Ken Jennings: Sorry, Alex, I guess I didn’t mean to upset you. Alex Trebek: Well, you did. Ken Jennings: I thought you liked me after what we did… Alex Trebek: I am not gay, Ken. I have sex with all the winners of the show. Ken Jennings: But- Alex Trebek: Look, if I'd known you were Mormon when you were brought in on your first day, I would have had you beaten to death in the parking lot, but thanks to my producers… now you're going to be here forever! Ken Jennings: Well, Alex, did I ever tell you about that time I- Alex Trebek: Yes, you told me we have had to make small talk like a hundred times since you came on the show. I know you’re a Mormon, a family man, I know your pets' names and your friends' name from back when you were in college. I don’t frickin care. Oh and another thing I am really getting sick and tired with all the fancy schmancy ways you put your name on the screen, you're not Rembrandt, jackass. Just write your damn name like a normal person. (Ken looks rather forlorn at Alex’s outburst.) Alex Trebek: Maybe I need to explain it into a form you can understand. This person is an annoying douche bag who has the face of a hemorrhoid-infected dog’s butt. What’s that, no response, Ken? It was Who is Ken Jennings? Here’s another one, This sound is more annoying than a million fingernails scraping across a chalkboard. What is Ken Jenning’s pathetic noisehole? (Jennings begins to cry uncontrollably.) Alex Trebek: What are you doing, are you crying? Ken Jennings: Uh huh. Alex Trebek: You can’t cry, THERE’S NO CRYING IN GAME SHOWS! Ken Jennings: Just leave me alone. Alex Trebek: Okay, I am sorry maybe I went just a bit too far their Ken, I have been drinking and they just turned me down for the voice of Kit in the upcoming Knight Rider movie, tell you what I got one more answer for you. Ken Jennings: Oh, no more, Alex, please. (Alex sits Ken down on the couch next to him and calms him down.) Alex Trebek: Don’t worry, Ken, this is a good one. This program always precedes its opening credits with this now classic phrase. Ken Jennings: What is LIVE FROM NEW YORK IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT! Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
