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Babe.....Maya Rudolph Nerd 1.....Horatio Sanz Nerd 2.....Will Forte Nerd 3.....Seth Meyers Nerd 4.....Phillip Seymour Hoffman [Scene: Inside of comic shop. 4 nerds are gathered around a small TV watching a bootleg copy of Spiderman 2. They are laughing and giggling to one another. Enter Babe. The comic guys don't notice her at first as their attention is focused on Spiderman movie.] Babe: Um, excuse me. Hello? (standing at counter waving her hands) Hello! Hello...uh could someone please help me? Hello....my car's battery is dead and I kind of need a boost. Anyone...hello? I'm in a rush, and I see there is a car out front...Hello? Nerd 1: (annoyed) Pause it, Felix. I forgot to lock the front door. (to babe) Helloooo, how may I help you. Babe: Hi there, my name is Patricia. I parked out front here, cause there was plenty of free parking and walked across the street to the mall, where I don't have to tell you, parking is impossible to find. (a little embarassed) Well, I guess I must have left my lights on and now my battery's dead. (making pleading motion) I was wondering if one of you could please give me a boost. Nerd 1: Hmmm, I don't see where that would be a problem. (Babe smiles) SHAZZAAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Babe looks confused.) Oh oh. My super powers are on the fritz again. Sorry. You're on your own. [Nerd 1 turns to walk away.] Babe: (grabbing Nerd 1's arm.) No wait. Heh heh. That was very...funny. No, but seriously there is a car parked out front and I figured it must belong to one of you guys, right? Nerd 1: (rolling his eyes.) Probably not, most of my customers park at the mall. (Babe looks embarassed then looks at Nerd 1 with hope in her eyes.) Alright, let me ask. Hey Felix, Jason, Corey. Does the vehicle out front belong to any of you? [Nerds shake their heads then go back to staring at Babe.] Babe: (slamming hands down on counter) I can't believe this. None of you own that car? That's impossible to believe. Nerd 1: (Looks scared. Turns away and takes a puff from an inhaler. Composes himself but still looks kind of nervous.) Perhaps you'd have better luck finding the owner at the mall. Babe: I was really hoping we could get past that. (almost to herself) Dammit, I'm on my lunch break and I really have to get back to work. Nerd 1: Well, perhaps you could use our phone to call someone. (takes phone from behind counter and puts it on top of counter.) Babe: (half heartedly) Thanks. (makes phone call as nerds resume watching movie. Camera focuses on nerd action) [Babe talks on phone then hangs up and walks over to the guys.] Babe: It's gonna take twenty minutes for a truck to get here and give me a boost. Can you believe that? Guys? Hello? What the heck are you watching that is so interesting. Nerd 2: Uhh, a little movie called Spiderman 2. Babe: That's out on video already? Nerd 3: Ha ha, yeah right! We found it under New Releases. Nerd 4: Yeah, in the fantasy section. [nerds look at each other and laugh.] Babe: (gives them a 'ha ha whatever' look) I get it, so it's a bootleg. I suppose you downloaded it off the internet or something. Nerd 1: Do we look like (with a french accent) amateurs. You are looking at a one hundred percent moi original. Babe: So you went into the theatre and recorded this? Nerd 1: (proudly) Oui. [Close up on the TV screen. Can hear popcorn being eaten. Then a voice saying, "Dude, here comes the usher!" followed by violent camera movement and a shrill scream and the following dialogue by Nerd 1: "Oh no, I can't go to jail! Let's run for it!" Lot's of camera movement, followed by the original voice saying "Psyche!" followed by a chorus of "Shhhh"'s and "Sit down"'s. You can see the camera return to its original focus and then can hear Nerd 1's voice whisper angrily: "Not funny."] Nerd 1: I'm sure even Francis Ford Coppolla had moments like that... Babe: Anyways, why do you all have notepads? Isn't that going a bit too far. Nerd 3: (whinning) This is like the longest 20 minutes of my liiiife. Nerd 4: If you must know, we're looking for continuity errors. Nerd 1: Yes, the group you see before you are responsible for reporting 300 continuity errors this year alone. We are known as the Continuity Coneheads in some circles...which is a reference to our favorite television show of all time…The Coneheads Cartoon! [nerds laugh] Babe: (aside) You're more like boneheads. Nerd 1: Pardonez moi? Babe: Nothing. So you watch the movie and, like, look for mistakes? Nerd 1: Yes. Our senses are finely honed so that we are able to pick out even the most minute detail which is out of place. Things that go unnoticed by ordinary mortals, such as yourself. [small pause] Babe: Like right there when she's wearing a watch and then suddenly she’s not wearing a watch. [Nerds begin looking frantically through their notes.] Nerd 4: Quick rewind it. REWIND IT!!!!! Nerd 2: That's a mistake alright. (typing feverishly on his laptop.) Nope, it hasn't been cited yet! We've got number 301, that puts us one ahead of the Continuity Cops!!! (They all start using their inhalers.) Nerd 1: Thank you! For helping us surpass our arch rivals I'm making you an honorary Continuity Conehead! (takes off conehead pin he's wearing and puts it on her jacket.) [the nerds gather around the babe and congratulate her. She is flattered by the attention.] Nerd 4: (taking keys out of pocket) Come on I'll give you a boost. Babe: Wait a second. Dewey here (poking Nerd 1), asked if anyone knew whose car that was and you all shook your heads! Nerd 1: Uh actually, I asked if the car belonged to anyone here. Nerd 4: Yeah, and I don't own it. I borrowed it from my brother. So it technically belongs to him. Nerd 1: (looking confused.) Yeah and my name is Richard. (mouths "Dewey") Babe: (trying to control her frustration.) Okay...heh, alright...well Richard...Felix and whoever else is here. I guess I should be going. Thanks for the laughs. Hope you enjoy your movie... (spotting something on TV) oh that's sad. She did that wet shirt, "Oops I forgot my bra" thing again in this movie. What a tramp! Anyways, let's go... [Babe begins to walk towards door then notices everyone has stopped and is staring at her.] Babe: What? Nerd 1: Get out of my store! Babe: That's the idea, but I need him to come with me to give me a boost though...remember. Nerd 1: He's not going anywhere with the likes of you. Insulting the beautiful and charming Mary Jane Watson like that! She's thrice the woman, you'll ever be. NOW OUT OF MY STORE! (softly) Please. Babe: I can't believe this... (horn sounds from outside) Oh well, I guess the the tow truck got here early. Look, if I said anything wrong, I'm sorry. Really. Look, I never really had the chance to hang around with ner-- people like you guys before...and I just wanna say, you guys are pretty cool... (laughing a bit) a little difficult at times but... Nerd 1: OUT! [Babe turns away slowly and grabs door handle.] Nerd 1: Wait. [Babe looks at him and her face lights up. He walks over to her and he removes her Continuity Coneheads pin. She hangs her head in shame and exits. Nerd 4 walks over to Nerd 1 and puts his head on Nerd 1's shoulder.] Nerd 4: How could she say something like that about Mary Jane? Nerd 1: I don't know, Felix. I don't know. She had a fire in her though...and it burned all those who came in contact with her. Maybe she was just mad at herself or maybe she was just mad at the world. One things for sure...I'll never forget her. (looks sadly out the window. Nerd 1 opens his hand and looks at the pin.) The pin still smells like her. (Nerd 1 puts his nose closer to smell the pin. Suddenly jerks his head back.) Oh by the gods of Asgard, it's gone up my nose. HELP! I sniffed up the pin! HELP ME!!!! (chaos ensues) [Fade Out] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
