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.....Ben Affleck .....Kevin Smith Affleck’s Mom.....Rachel Dratch (Ben Affleck enters the stage) Ben Affleck: Thank you, thank you so much. It’s a real pleasure to be hosting the 30th Season Premiere of Saturday Night Live. Now I know you all want to start getting to the funny little comedy sketches that we do but I felt the first thing I needed to do was tell you about a few things you will not be seeing tonight on the show. First off, no I will not be doing a whole monologue full of J-Lo jokes. Her butt is big and her acting talent is eh. Secondly we won't be doing any more sketches dealing with the colossal failure of Gigli, I mean hey if you want colossal failures just look at Waterworld or Pauly Shore. And lastly we won’t be having any of those attention grabbing annoying cameo appearances that just slow the show down to a freakin hal- (Just as Ben says this his friend Kevin Smith walks out on to the stage.) Kevin Smith: Hey Ben. Ben: Oh hey Kevin. Oh, for those of you who don’t know, this is Kevin Smith, AKA Silent Bob, from that movie Clerks. Kevin Smith: Yeah well everybody is always telling me about how great Clerks is, or Chasing Amy, or Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, hell even a few people told me they liked Mallrats, but did anybody go to see Jersey Girl Nooo! Kevin Smith: Shut up Ben, hell even some people saw you in that retarded Reindeer Games movie, you know this sucks man it sucks it sucks oh god (Kevin begins to cry uncontrollably.) Ben: Jesus Kevin get a grip on yourself. Kevin Smith: I am sorry man its just that they took my BMW, now I am driving a used, USED CAR, it sucks. Ben: Well that’s sad Kev, anyway folks we’re also not- (Ben is interrupted once again when his mother walks out onto the stage carrying a plate of brownies.) Ben’s Mom: Oh hello sweetie. Ben: Hi Mom. Ben’s Mom: Oh why does your friend Kevin look so sad? Ben: It’s a long story Mom. Ben’s Mom: Well don’t worry I brought some of those special brownies with me that have the W-E-E-D in them. Ben: Mom exnay on the weeday, we’re on national television. Ben’s Mom: Oh. (clueless) Hi Harold! Ben: Oy! Well we have a great show for you tonight, Nelly is here so stick around we’ll be right back. (The scene fades out as Kevin begins to devour the brownies Ben’s mom has brought.) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
