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Bob… Will Forte Tom … Horatio Sanz Sox Fan 1… Seth Meyers Sox Fan 2… Rob Riggle Yankee Mother… Rachel Dratch The Old Man… Jude Law ( 1 hour before 7th game of Sox vs Yankees) (Two fans wearing Yankee shirts are tailgating by their car drinking beer.) Bob: Can you believe those sons of bitches from Boston actually made it back to a game 7, it's disgraceful. Tom: I wouldn’t worry too much about it Bob the curse of the great bambino will never allow a red sock to defeat a Yankee at this most crucial of times. Bob: You're probably right Tom, anyone from the freakin Sox has just got to know this. Hey did you hear that a guy actually shot a couple of Sox fans. Tom: Wow really, did they survive? Bob: No they’re dead. Tom: That’s a shame. Bob: Why? Tom: It’s a shame they didn’t get to see their guys choke it in game 7. Bob: That’s so friggin true, Sox suck! (Just as they say this two Red Sox fans walk over to them quit agitated.) Sox Fan 1: What did you just say about the Sox!? Bob: Hey buddy don’t go starting anything, there's got to be a Law and Order film crew nearby. Sox Fan 2: Yeah maybe we ought to do something to you Yankee boys. Tom: Well I know your sister did something to me last night. Sox Fan 1: Why you son of a bit- (Just as a fight starts to break out the mother of the Yankee fans comes out and stops the fight.) Yankee Mother: What in goodness gracious is going on out here? Bob: They were starting to badmouth the Yankees Ma! Yankee Mother: Now don’t forget you boys this isn’t that big of a deal. The most important thing is that it’s a good game. Tom: That’s loser talk Mom and I am not going to hear any of it. (Tom takes his beer and smashes over his mom’s head. The Sox and Yankee fans begin to throw punches to the face and hits to the chest. Tom takes out a chainsaw from the trunk of his car and attacks Sox Fan 1 with it.) Sox Fan 1: There's no trophy in this. Tom: I’ll take your limb as the greatest achievement of my life. Sox Fan 1: Oh god! (Tom hacks off the Sox Fan’s arm and laughs with glee as the blood sprays on his face. Just then an old man comes in and interrupts the fight between the fans) Old Man: Hold on here a second what is going on?! Bob: Who the hell are you? Old Man: I am the old man, and I am saddened by this. Tom: Come on we had to retaliate, they're Sox Fans. Old Man: I am so disappointed in all of you. You Red Sox fans think that you’re so great and that the only thing keeping you from winning is the Curse of the Bambino. When in fact you have so much to be grateful for, like the New England Patriots and lobsters. You Yankee fans don’t you realize how bad Boston has it. Their team is called the Red Sox. Their mascot is something that’s related to foot fungus. Why can’t you realize the hell they live through? Bob: Because they suck? Old Man: No! And Red Sox fans don’t you realize that the New Yorkers have it bad too, for god sakes they're stuck with the Mets. What the hell is an effin Met? I don’t know. We have to remember there's worse people out their then Boston folk and New York folk. How about those poor people in third world countries, their starving children, and the Mormons? We all have to learn- Sox Fan 1: Can I go to the hospital now I’ve lost a lot of blood. Old Man: How dare you interrupt me in the middle of a dramatic monologue! (The Old Man takes out a gun and shoots the Sox Fan dead.) Old Man: Oh hell who am I kidding, now let's go toss this guy in the East River, Yankees rule! Yankees Rule! (End) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
