|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Announcer...Chris Parnell Jimmy 'B-Rabbit' Smith...Eminem Stephanie Smith...Kate Winslet Timmy 'C-Turtle' Smith...Chris Parnell David 'Future' Porter...Finesse Mitchell Waitress...Rachel Dratch Councilman Braddock...Fred Armisen [GRAPHIC: The "8 Mile" logo] Announcer: The long-awaited sequel to "8 Mile" is here. Academy Award winner Eminem stars in..."12.87 Kilometers!" [SONG: Eminem's "Lose Yourself" begins to play in the background over a GRAPHIC of Eminem as Jimmy 'B-Rabbit' Smith] Announcer: Jimmy 'B-Rabbit' Smith is back, but this time he faces his most challenging opponent yet...himself! [SCENE: Jimmy 'B-Rabbit' Smith is talking with Stephanie Smith, his mother, in her trailer] Stephanie Smith: (nervously) Jimmy, I have a surprise for you. Jimmy 'B-Rabbit' Smith: (annoyed) What? Stephanie Smith: Your twin brother is back in town, and he wants to challenge you to the ultimate rap battle. Jimmy 'B-Rabbit' Smith: (surprised) Since when do I have a twin brother? Stephanie Smith: It's all my fault. I completely forgot about him. Must be all the booze. Sorry about that. (awkward pause) Anyway, I apparently named him Timmy. His nickname is 'C-Turtle." Jimmy 'B-Rabbit' Smith: (shocked) C-Turtle? (Timmy 'C-Turtle' Smith enters the trailer) Timmy 'C-Turtle' Smith: (in a challenging voice) That's right, brother! It's the tortoise versus the hare all over again! And the tortoise always wins! (laughs) Eminem: (confused and annoyed) What the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] is going on here? [GRAPHIC: The "8-Mile" road sign. It has been crossed out and replaced with "12.87 Kilometers."] Announcer: And not only that, Jimmy has another problem to deal with. To make matters worse, the city has decided to convert to the metric system! [SCENE: The rap club. David 'Future' Porter, the "moderator" of the rap battle, and Timmy 'C-Turtle' Smith are waiting for Jimmy 'B-Rabbit' Smith] David 'Future' Porter: (confused) I don't know where he is. He's always on time. This has never happened before! Timmy 'C-Turtle' Smith: (laughs) Looks like the hare can't even find his way to the racetrack! (Jimmy 'B-Rabbit' Smith suddenly bursts onto the scene) Jimmy 'B-Rabbit' Smith: (panting) I'm here, I'm here! (takes a deep breath) Don't sass me, man. I know I'm late. It's not my fault! David 'Future' Porter: What happened? Jimmy 'B-Rabbit' Smith: Those highway signs threw me off! I couldn't convert the distances correctly, so I got out three exits too early. And when I tried to ask people for directions, it just caused more problems! (A waitress walks up to Jimmy 'B-Rabbit' Smith) Waitress: Would you like a drink, sir? Jimmy 'B-Rabbit' Smith: (panting) Yeah, sure. Give me a Heineken. Waitress: Okay. Three cubic centimeters worth or six? Jimmy 'B-Rabbit' Smith: (confused) What? (angered) ARRGHH! Darn you metric system! First you made us change the name of the road, and now you're ruining everything else! [SCENE: Split-screen of the two brothers; Jimmy is rapping on the left, Timmy is rapping on the right.] Announcer: In this epic tale of brother versus brother, who will emerge victorious? Find out the answer when "12.87 Kilometers" comes to a theater near you on November 19. How near? On average, 7.42 kilometers from your place of residence. [The Announcer laughs maniacally as we FADE OUT] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
