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Businessman.....Liam Neeson Wife.....Rachel Dratch Sister.....Amy Poehler Announcer.....Don Pardo (The scene opens up with a businessman in his office doing busy work.) Businessman: I have got so much paper work to get through. Damn, I'll never get anywhere. I'd backstab every person in this place to make partner, but I know that's not right. Announcer: Life getting you down? Businessman: Yeah! Announcer: Do you ever wish you could tell that little conscience of yours to shut the hell up? Businessman: Uh huh. Announcer: Well, from the makers of Botox comes the revolutionary new drug Guilt-Free. Businessman: How does it work? Announcer: Guilt-Free attacks the part of your mind occupied by the shoulder angel and Jiminy Cricket, and slaughters them within minutes of consumption. Guilt-Free can take moments like this- (The scene changes to a puppy sitting outside a front door, the businessman opens the door to discover the puppy.) Businessman: Oh I just can't bear to turn you away, you snuggly little cutey. Announcer: -and change them to this: (The same scene is there, and the businessman walks out to find the dog outside his door.) Businessman: Get the hell out of here! (The businessman proceeds to kick the dog like a football.) Announcer: Ever want to score with your wife's sister? Well, now her feelings don't matter. (The scene changes to the businessman in bed with a woman. The wife barges in.) Wife: You son of a bitch! I want a divorce. Businessman: No problem, your sister was worth it. (The scene changes to the Businessman walking across a bridge with a man standing on the edge of the bridge contemplating suicide. The businessman walks by whistling and pushes him over the edge.) Announcer: With the help of Guilt-Free all your dreams can come true! (The scene changes to the businessman sitting on the beach, drinking a margarita.) Businessman: With the help of Guilt-Free, I was able to plant evidence, embezzle millions of dollars from the company I work for and imprison the CEO. Now I am living the life of a sexually pleased millionaire in the Cayman Islands. Thanks, Guilt-Free! Announcer: No, thank you sir! Guilt-Free, "When you just don't want to care anymore!" Buy it Today! End Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
