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Justiceman.....Luke Wilson Anita.....Rachel Dratch Yellow.....Fred Armisen Princess Jasmine...Maya Rudolph Royale Steele.....Rob Riggle [Scene: The inside of Justiceman's hideout. It looks superhero-like, something like the batcave but way simpler and with brighter colors. Okay, nothing like the batcave. Justiceman and his sidekick Yellow are the only ones in scene. Justiceman has a white and blue costume, whereas Yellow has yellow hair that sticks straight upwards for about 8 inches, yellowish skin and a bright yellow costume.] Yellow: I don't get it Justiceman. Why do we need an image consultant? Justiceman: Well, after the fiasco with Magnet Man, I need to do something. Yellow: Aw c'mon, don't feel bad about that. You had no way of knowing that that harmless toy wasn't Magnet Man...shrunk down to 1/8th his normal size. Justiceman: I know it's not my fault. But when I think about that poor Robosapien...all smashed up like that...and the looks from the parents after I finished stomping it to pieces...it makes me so sad. [Justiceman begins to cry on Yellow.] Yellow: There, there, Justiceman. It's going to be all right. Justiceman: They'll never ask me to host another assembly, ever again! Yellow: Now, now... [Enter Anita. She looks all business. She's wearing glasses and as we know: Glasses = All business.] Anita: Let me guess...Justiceman and Green? Yellow: That's Yellow. Anita: (thick sarcasm) No kidding. (to Justiceman) As your image consultant I'm going to have to ask you to stop crying. Justiceman: Okay. (collecting himself) Hi there, I'm glad you could make some time for me. Anita: (reading from her notes) It says here, that your superpowers include super speed and super strength. Justiceman: Yes. That and an unquenchable thirst for justice! Anita: Ugh. That's not working for me. How about that and...a Maserati? Justiceman: A Maserati? Anita: Picture this...a burning building...people screaming..."Help me, help me Justiceman." Suddenly they can hear the bass from a 1200-watt system coming up the street. Moments later they can make out the profile of your car and hear the words "Gangsta, Gangsta" coming out of the speakers. Then boom, you step out of your fire red Maserati and save the day. It’s perfect. But, you’ll need a catchphrase. Justiceman: I usually just say "For Justice!" Anita: No. How about... "I burn for Justice!" Let’s see, I know I have a flame decal with me… [Anita takes a flame decal and slaps it onto Justiceman’s chest.] Justiceman: Well...it seems like an odd choice. I don’t really have any flame powers and well, I don’t think it’d be appropriate in the case of a burning building... Anita: Appropriate, smappropriate, fi fie fa-moppriate. Once people see you and hear your snazzy catchphrase, they'll forget all about their own pathetic lives…and the inevitable destruction of their lifetime collection of possesions. All they'll be thinking is "Justiceman, you're my hero!" Justiceman: Hmmm... (happily) well okay. Yellow: Wait, you can't sell out like that Justiceman! It's not right! We do this to help people…not to impress them. Anita: Ah yes, I almost forgot about the human Hi-Liter. (reading from her papers) You're Justiceman's nephew, it says here -- what are your super powers again? I don't have any listed. Yellow: What? It should say that, along with having an innate sense of right and wrong, I'm also bulletproof, thanks to my impervious yellow skin. Anita: Is that true, Justiceman? Why isn’t it in my file? [Justiceman hangs his head.] Yellow: C'mon Justiceman. Tell her. Why aren't you saying anything? Justiceman: Well...it's kinda because...you're not really bulletproof. Yellow: What? But my yellow skin! Justiceman: That's jaundice...caused by a defect in your gall bladder. Yellow: WHAT? Justiceman: Relax, it's not serious. Since the family isn't exactly rich we figured it was just easier to let you think that you were yellow because you were bulletproof. (play boxing) C’mon, it was fun pretending to be super just like your Uncle Justiceman, wasn’t it? Yellow: Hmmm, well I suppose it was pretty cool...wait a minute...you sent me out into a hail of gunfire last week as a diversion! Justiceman: Yeah...in retrospect it's kinda like a miracle you weren't killed. Wow. Heh, I guess I started believing you were bulletproof too. Ah, ha ha, no harm done. Yellow: I don't believe... Anita: Blah, blah, blah, you're outta here pimple pus. Princess Jasmine, get in here. [Enter Princess Jasmine, a sexy new sidekick for Justiceman.] Anita: Alright, here's your new sidekick. (motions to Princess Jasmine and then whispers something in her ear) Okay from the top, Justiceman, do your catchphrase. Justiceman: (holding his arm up) I burn for Justice. Princess Jasmine: (falling to the floor, clutching Justiceman's leg) I have an unquenchable thirst for Justice... (looking up at Justiceman's face) man! Anita: (preparing to leave) Excellent. I'm done... Justiceman: Wait a second. I can't do this. She's not a superhero. I can’t go around fighting crime with a scantily-clad escort. Anita: I think that’s better than going around saving the city with a sickly relative by your side. Yellow: Seriously, I could have been killed. Justiceman: Not now, pimple pus. (to Anita) I won't do this. It's sexist. Anita: I thought you might say that. Bye Jasmine. Yo Royale, get in here. [Enter Royale Steele wearing a leather biker ensemble.] Anita: You likey better? Justiceman: (a beat) It's a bit better. Royale Steele: (really close to Justiceman) I'm really looking forward to uh...working CLOSE to you Justiceman. Justiceman: Whoa, I might be gay but (motioniong to Royale Steele's outfit) I'm not that gay. Anita: Okay, let's iron out the details over lunch. [Justiceman, Anita, and Royale Steele exit. Yellow is left alone.] Yellow: I can't believe it. Justice just sold out. What's going to happen to the city? What's going to happen to me. I guess I'll be okay. I'll live off the royalties I'll get my from my action figure. (pulls Hi-Liter out of his pants. It has a face and arms drawn in with a black marker. Playing with the Hi-liter.) Yellow Man to the rescue. [Enter Justiceman. He takes the Hi-Liter out of Yellow's hands.] Justiceman: Sorry, I'm going to need that. (pops the lid off and sticks it into the bottom of the pen, revealing that it's a simple Hi-Liter) Anita needs to highlight some stuff. Later, Jaundice boy. [Justiceman exits and leaves a dejected Yellow.] [Fade out] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
