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CBS Executive.....Rob Riggle Jimmy Fallon.....Seth Meyers Elton John.....Horatio Sanz Owen Wilson.....Luke Wilson Jon Lovitz.....Darrell Hammond Christopher Walken.....Will Forte (Camera fades in on the empty “Late Late Show” set) CBS Executive: Hello. These are the audition for “The Late Late Show”. As you know, we have had various celebrities host our show and nothing has really worked. So we have called upon more celebrities to give it a go…trying to find someone who can really capture the Late Late Show spirit. Okay…can we have Jimmy Fallon! (Jimmy Fallon walks on to the stage and sits down at the desk) Jimmy Fallon: For Weekend Update, I’m Jimmy Fallon…here are tonight’s top stories! In an interview this week, Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson said that if they have a child that want their child to be just like President Bush. Asked to explain, Nick Lachey said, “Our child will have my good looks and Jessica’s intelligence.” In a recent issue of “US Weekly”, Jessica Simpson said that she has the secret to keeping her husband, singer Nick Lachey, happy. She said, “It involves a strap-on. That’s all I can tell you.” (Jimmy starts laughing at his own joke) Okay, here now is our first guest…Elton John! (Elton John walks on to the set; Jimmy gets up to greet Elton; Elton & Jimmy hug; Elton squeezes Jimmy’s butt; Elton & Jimmy sit down) How are you doing, Elton? Elton John: I’m doing smashing, Jimmy! I could just lick you right up! (Jimmy & Elton start laughing uncontrollably) CBS Executive: Okay, that’s it! Enough of this giggle-fest! Get off my set! (Elton proceeds to walk off the set; Jimmy chuckles his pencil at the camera) Next, can we have Owen Wilson? (Owen Wilson walks on the set, sits down at the desk) Owen Wilson: Hey, it’s great to be here! It’s an honor. I’m Owen Wilson and this is the Late Late show. Here are some top news stories…here we go! This week, Jennifer Lopez said that she is the most faithful person she has ever known. In a related story: Hey Jen, you left you panties at my place last night! As a side note, I’ve worked with Jennifer Lopez, I’ve slept with Jennifer Lopez and just so you know…here panties can be used as a poncho…if you ever needed it! Michael Jackson said this week that he is planning a concert tour of Africa, because he wants to return to his roots. To which Joe Jackson commented, “Michael, your roots! Your roots! You grew up in Gary, Indiana!” Man, I must really suck at this…because no one is laughing! Screw this, I’m going to do another “Shanghai” flick with Jackie Chan! (Owen walks off the set) CBS Executive: Okay next up is Jon Lovitz. (Jon walks on the stage.) Okay Jon why do you think you would be the best person to host this show? Jon Lovitz: Well I have had a lot of experience I have won many…er…uh Oscars. Yeah, yeah and then I was in that big hit film called Titan…I mean Star Wars and it made 800 mill…billion dollars and it was all because of me. Yeah, that’s the ticket. (Jon Lovitz exits the stage) CBS Executive: Okay let’s check out the next guy, Christopher Walken? (Chris walks on to the stage cocky and confident.) Christopher Walken: Hey there boss, so how about we do this thing. CBS Executive: You want to host a 12:35 talk show, Chris? Christopher Walken: Well I apparently did this movie with these Bears who lived in the country and they had themselves Jamborees. It lost me a lot of credibility I… CBS Executive: Okay, Chris whenever you are ready. Christopher Walken: You don’t interrupt “The Walken” while he is talking son, if I hear you try that again I will have to teach you a lesson I usually pay women to teach myself, do you understand? (The executive is clearly scared by the way Walken is looking at him.) CBS Executive: My apologies Mr. Walken, would you like to take a moment to compose yourself? Christopher Walken: Okay if you need me I’ll be in my dressing room playing Russian Roulette with the interns. (Chris leaves the stage.) CBS Executive: Oh screw this just show the M*A*S*H reruns. (As the stage lights come on, the real Christopher Walken approaches Will Forte) The Real Christopher Walken: Hey, you! Get over here! Orville, can I call you Orville? Will Forte: You could just call me Gary…or Will. The Real Christopher Walken: You know…no one…does an impression of me, without my say so! Never defy “The Walken”…or I’ll kill you! Will Forte: Really! (The Real Christopher Walken gets a crazy look in his eye, then he smiles) The Real Christopher Walken: Relax! (Cue music – “Relax” by Frankie Goes To Hollywood) (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
