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Phil Gordon...Chris Parnell Dave Foley...Will Forte Sharon Stone...Amy Poehler Joe Rogan...Fred Armisen Nicholas Cage...Luke Wilson Howard Dean...Darrell Hammond (Open to Celebrity Poker Showdown logo. dissolves to the announcer's table) Phil Gordon: Welcome back to Celebrity Poker Showdown. For Dave Foley, I'm Phil Gordon. Dave Foley: And I'm Dave Foley. Phil Gordon: Uh, Dave, I just introduced you. Dave Foley: Comedy, Phil. Comedy. Phil Gordon: I'm sure it is. We are here with Howard Dean, who is in the loser’s lounge. Dean was eliminated in the last round. I do want to let our audience at home know, that Courtney Love, who passed out during the second hand of the competition is resting comfortably in a hospital bed. Also, if you just joined us, due to the shocking aftermath, we may never be able to rerun this episode, so try to enjoy it while it lasts. Dave Foley: And on that note, let's go to the standings. (Dissolve to the table with the three remaining players) In first place is Sharon Stone with $30,000 in chips. Sharon Stone: I'm having such a great time here. These players have been most kind to me, the odds have been fairly well…what can I say, they’ve been divine, but I’m still in it…to win it! It's wonderful. Phil Gordon: Joe Rogan in second with $14,500. Joe Rogan: I'm sure the people watching earlier had noticed that this game does not only test you mentally, but physically as well. Phil Gordon: And, finally, in last place is Nicholas Cage with $5500. Nicholas Cage: I'd prefer third place. “Last place”…sounds a little too offensive for me. (Cut back to announcer table) Phil Gordon: Well, time to start the next hand. Dave Foley: (overdramatically) Which could mean life and death itself! Phil Gordon: What was that all about? Dave Foley: Comedy, Phil. Comedy…that’s why they hired me. Phil Gordon: Yeah, well shut it. Anyway, let's look at each of the players' hands. (Show Sharon's hand) Phil Gordon: Sharon's holding a seven and a three off-suit. Sharon Stone: This hand is very much unlike my good friend Michael Douglas. This is a cruel hand, which is why I choose to fold. Dave Foley: I sure hope she's not going for the Emmy. Because to me, that just sucked. Phil Gordon: I couldn't agree more. Now for Joe Rogan. (Show Rogan's hand) Phil Gordon: Hmm, an ace and a two, both hearts. This could be interesting. Joe Rogan: Let's make this interesting. How about, after this hand, not only will the winner get $1200 in chips, but the loser will have to eat this bowl of live worms. (Pulls out a cereal bowl full of worms) Nicholas Cage: Earthworms. Those are earthworms. Dave Foley: Tasty! Phil Gordon: Shut it. Let's see what Cage has. (Show Cage's hand) Phil Gordon: A nine and a six, off-suit. That's not a good one. Joe Rogan: You wanna fold, Cage? Nicholas Cage: Bet, actually. $1400. Phil Gordon: Ooh, this is a cold-hearted bluff. Anyway, here comes the river. Sharon Stone: The river flows in the direction of one's victory, and another’s defeat! This game is simply...divine. (Cage and Rogan look oddly at her) Joe Rogan: Is she insane? Nicholas Cage: More like, "mentally challenged". Phil Gordon: Anyway, back to the river. (Show the three cards being drawn) An eight, five, and seven. This works greatly in Cage's favor. Joe Rogan: (loudly) Don't back out now! This could be all you! You cannot fold at this! Nicholas Cage: All in, actually. Joe Rogan: I'm out then. Phil Gordon: And Cage wins the hand. Dave Foley: While Rogan gets the worms. Joe Rogan: Well. A deal's a deal. (Takes a handful of worms and stuffs them in his mouth) (Go back to the announcer's table. Gordon and Foley look disgusted) Phil Gordon: Well that was interesting. Dave, tell me, what did you think of Cage’s bluff on that last hand? Dave Foley: I believe a wise hooker once said, ”You’re wearing a condom…I don’t care who the hell you are!” Phil Gordon: (with a blank stare towards Dave) I actually think that was down right…moronic. Let’s go to the next hand. (Howard Dean rushes over to the camera) Howard Dean: I'm addressing the American people right now! Vote Democrats in 2008! Hilary Clinton! John Edwards! Rudy Guliani! I don't care if he's Republican, as long as Bush is gone! Yaww! (SUPER: Please Stand By…) Announcer: Celebrity Poker Showdown will be right back…after these messages. (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
