|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Announcer.....Rob Riggle .....Colin Farrell Elton John.....Horatio Sanz Norah Jones.....Amy Poehler Members of Argent.....Will Forte, Fred Armisen, Seth Meyers, Chris Parnell Bono…Chris Kattan (cameo) Announcer: It's that time of year, when families get together to celebrate the holidays. But “Jingle Bells” and “Silent Night” get boring, singing them year after year. So check out this new CD of songs that will make the whole family feel like “decking the halls”! Cuss Like A Sailor Records presents, “Colin Farrell’s Drunken Irish Christmas Songs”. Colin Farrell: I’m Colin Farrell…and I don’t (beep)-in’ like the (beep)-in’ holidays! (Music – “Jingle Bells”) (Colin starts to sing his own version) “Jingle bells, jingle bells…jingle all the way…went to the bar, got piss drunk and then I crashed my car!” Announcer: And this album isn’t just Colin Farrell singing drunken Christmas tales, it’s Colin with guest singers…like Elton John. (Music – “Rocket Man”) Elton John: (singing) And I think it’s gonna be a long long time before I ever go visit my in-laws again…I hate the holidays…I hate them all, all, all, all! I’m Grinch man! Colin Farrell: (shouting) I’m a drunken Irish man! Elton John: I truly love you man! (Colin proceeds to break a beer bottle over Elton’s head) Colin Farrell: Queer! Announcer: It’s all the best Christmas songs with the drunken Irish charm of Colin Farrell! Here’s Colin with Norah Jones! (SUPER: CALL 1-900-Colin Ferrell is a drunken jackass!) (Music – “Rudolph, The Red Nose Reindeer”) (Norah Jones sitting at the piano) Norah Jones: (singing) Rudolph, the red nose reindeer…had a very shiny nose…and if you ever saw, you would even say it glows. Colin Farrell: Like a cop car’s lights! Norah Jones: Right? (Security guards come over to the piano to arrest Colin) Colin Farrell: Look man, it’s not my weed! Get off me! Announcer: And don’t forget that classic Christmas song from the band Argent. (SUPER: CALL 1-900-Colin Ferrell is an Irish Drunken!) Argent: (singing) Hold my hair up, whoa hold my hair up, whoa hold my hair up, whoa I am gonna hurl! (Argent proceeds to hurl over the bar.) Announcer: And the soon to be classic Christmas song “Joy to the Bar” (The entire band gets together to sing to the tune “Joy to the World”) All: Joy to the Bar, it has good booze, with that we can not lose, with Bud or Heine or Miller Lite or Whiskey and tasty Gin, or whiskey and tasty Gin, or Whiskey and tasty Gin!” (The scene returns to Colin Farrell holding up the CD by himself.) Colin: And look that’s just a sampling of what you’ll be getting when you buy this CD. We got Frosty the yellow snowman and a version of Holy Night that the pope himself condemned. So buy this CD, come on just buy it what are you some kind of coward lets take it outside. (Colin proceeds to punch out the cameraman and the camera falls to the floor) Announcer: And if you act right now, you will get Colin Ferrell and Bono from U2’s moving rendition of “Little Dummer Boy”. (SUPER: CALL 1-900-Colin Ferrell is always half in the bag!) (Colin & Bono come together to sing) Colin & Bono: (singing) Come they told me, pa rum pum pum pum, a new born king to see, pa rum pum pum pum, our finest gifts we bring, pa rum pum pum pum, to lay before the king, pa rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum. So to honor him with a bottle of gin, bottle of gin, when we come Little baby, pa rum pum pum pum, I am in a drunken stupper, pa rum pum pum pum (Colin Ferrell proceeds to pass out atop of the piano; Bono stares down at the floor, off into space) Announcer: “Colin Farrell’s Irish Drunken Christmas Songs” Buy it today! No seriously buy it, he knows where you live! Call Now! (SUPER: 1-900-Colin Ferrell is piss drunk!) That’s 1-900- “Colin Ferrell is piss drunk”! Operators are standing by! (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
